Schrödinger's Coitus
by hazelra7
Summary: Amy suggests to Sheldon that the only way the can prove their relationship is the successful is if they engage in coitus. The Schrodinger's hypothesis of coitus. Surprisingly, Sheldon agrees to try it once, as an experiment. The experiment doesn't quite go as Amy planned. Will they continue or will this be end of Shamy?
1. Chapter 1:Curiosity killed the cat

**A/N: The short Angsty piece is about exploring desires. I try to keep this IC. I changed the story slightly after watching the episode and getting advice on the forum about the nature of the first test. The edit does not change the premise of the story what so ever, just keep it more within canon.**

**This story mentioned a study conducted about asexuals. It is a real study that I found during my research for this story and can be found on the internet. I understand if some people may find what Sheldon says as offensive, but remember, it's Sheldon. He is not the most kind person.**

**Don't be surprised if you want to kill Sheldon by the first few chapters. Know this, however: Shamy ship will always sail true, sometimes it needs a little time. Don't worry. I got your Shamy's backs.**

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**Schrödinger's Coitus: Chapter One: Curiosity killed the Cat. **

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That was _**it**_? That brief awkward, loveless moment was what she was waiting for? 4 and half years for 2 minutes of pain and rejection? No wonder he never wanted to do before and she should have listened. Now, she probably ruined her relationship with her misophobic boyfriend and she will be alone, again. Her biggest fear. She already felt alone, when she was lying under him. It was supposed to be different. It was supposed to be great, mind altering, soul fulfilling. It was supposed to blending of mind and body. It wasn't. It was discomfited, painful and over far too soon. Probably for the best; if it was good she might miss it when he takes it away.

Amy's thoughts were awash in throbbing pain from her empty dalliance with Sheldon that she just escaped. The pain between her legs was nothing compared to how her heart was aching. Her shaking hands were gripping the steering wheel that she had no business operated at that moment. The salty taste of tears was the only sensation of her lips since he refused to kiss her. It was supposed to be different. She never should have suggested it. Schrödinger's cat hypothesis of coitus be damned.

He had it all planned out before she got there. She expected some form of affection for their first time together, but no, he was all business. What did she expect? She was the one who suggested treating coitus as a science experiment.

She never should've listened to her friends who told her to push him on coitus since he kissed her. She couldn't blame them, though. Amy Farrah Fowler was at fault for this farce for sure.

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It all started that night after they discussed that damn test they took that scored their relationship. The decided to take a different survey to verify the results. Many of the questions had to do with sex, and both Amy and Sheldon were perplexed.

They scored very high, partially due to fact that Sheldon removed the coital based questions from the survey. 8.2 on the first test was a great score to be sure, however, but they scored a 9.6 on the new test. However, it was based off of tainted, incomplete data.

"Are you sure this is a valid gauge of a relationship, Amy? It seems focused on coitus more than anticipations of your partner's needs."

"Well, this is the first I've read these questions, but I have to say, based on personal anecdotal evidence and current mores and demographic studies, some partners _need_ coitus. Most couples do, ya know."

"We don't need it." His smug smile of arrogance at his seemingly perfect relationship was endearing if it wasn't misplaced. He was happy, sure. Happy was a strong word. He was content the same way he is content to eat at the same restaurants or wear humdrum clothing. Amy was part of his routine. She didn't bring joy, she didn't bring elation. She only brought the most appealing quality in girlfriend: Predictability. He never once asked if she was happy, or displayed any action that would show he cared if she was. "A fact I am very happy about, thank you. "

"Well, speak for yourself. I am not sure."

"Not, this again, Amy… " He set down his tea mug, as he took a deep breath to ready his lungs for the much needed edification of folly of following one's baser urges. "We have been together for 3 years, successfully I might add, without the need for that particular vulgar and unsanitary act. We are doing just fine." Sheldon's wide eyes were supposed to end the discussion without further debate. His eyes didn't work on Amy.

"Well, Sheldon. I am shocked."

"About what?"

"What do you base the term "successfully" upon? I am curious."

"Well…" He looked out over the room to thumb through his paltry list of relationship successes. Finally, he had an answer, "We haven't broken up."

"You broke up with me over a table."

"I retracted that."

"The deed was done. We had to sign a new agreement. You insisted."

"A small blemish on an otherwise perfect pairing."

It was Amy's turn to take a deep breath. " I don't know what the big deal is anyway. We are scientists. We should explore all data points before making a conclusion that is so final, don't you think? The question: is our relationship successful? Hypothesis: Yes with an asterix."

"What do you mean an asterix?"

"Since we don't know if our relationship can stand up to scrutiny post coitus, how can we really know with any certainly say our relationship is successful, ergo we are making the conclusion with an incomplete data set."

"Not all relationships contain coitus as a factor that would be included in the criteria."

"Correct, but those relationships are rarely between pair bonded individuals. You altered our relationship by asking me to be your girlfriend. If we were just friends, then you would've have valid argument. "

"Do you want to break up? Sheldon voice raised an octave a shook a little in his throat. He didn't want to break up with Amy anymore than he wanted to give up his spot or change dry cleaners. But he didn't want the constraint of coitus.

"No, not at all, Sheldon. I am simply stating that since we are in a pair bonded relationship, then the parameters of judging the success of the relationship must be cogently met in order for a conclusive statement regarding it's success. Since we have not engaged in coitus, then we will never really know. The issue is unresolved." Amy picked her tea to hide her smirk while she watched Sheldon's eyes dart around in search for a strand of an argument he could use against her.

Her chicanery ran rampant in her arguments with Sheldon concerning intimacy. The date night kiss was another debate she had out maneuvered him through artifice and skillful pragmatism. He ripped the band-aid off that particular act, coitus might be the same. This time, Amy was playing off his innate need for closure to win the argument. It was devilishly cunning, and she was twinges of guilt while she said it. The white angel on her shoulder telling her to stop was ignored and guilt was out of luck.

Amy continued with the final blow: "You might find you are asexual, and have no need for coitus. Then we would know that fact, and be able to plan our relationship accordingly with strict expectations and parameters. Now, it is an ambiguous question we will not be able to answer." If Amy could play to his need for control and neurotic need for expectations clearly outlined, she could get arrow in her quiver of tricks.

Sheldon's voice lowered as well as his brow, "I am not asexual."

"How do you know? I know I am not asexual because I have sexual attraction to the opposite sex."

"Like who?" Sheldon whispered his jealousy through his teeth, hoping for the right answers. Amy gave him two. One answer scared him, and one aggravated him.

"Well, you of course and also remember there was Zack."

"Yes, I remember that… Clearly." Sheldon annoyed voice at the mention of Amy's attraction to Zack caused her a side smirk that was hard to mask. "Don't get a thick head, Fowler. You were foolish to want to give into baser urges like that for one night of carnal bliss. Thankfully, you gave up that pitiful pursuit to return to the realm of pure intellect."

"I did give up on that idea, but not because I lost my sexual desire. It was a good learning exercise. I recognized I have sexual attraction to the opposite sex. I am not asexual, not in the least. Which I am very happy about, by the way. I read a study that compared asexuals with sexuals, and education has a significant and negative effect on the likelihood of being an asexual. It found that of the two dimensions of sexuality, behavior and self-identification, asexuals are often less educated than sexuals. Additionally, asexuals have poor health and are lower on the social economic scale than sexuals."

Sheldon looked infuriated, "I'd like to see this study!"

"Patterns' of asexuality in the US by Poston and Baumie, 2010."

"Well! I am educated! And in excellent health! Additionally, I do very well, financially, thank you very much! So that study is complete Hookum."

"Sheldon, you don't even know if you are asexual. Don't be so defensive. Also, you know that anecdotal testimonies are not valid argument verses analyzing data over a continuum. Which brings me full circle to my premise: We don't know if we are in a successful relationship."

Sheldon clenched his jaw. He didn't want to put into the box with a label of asexual given this new box was, (in his unqualified opinion), decorated with "sick, stupid, poor people."

"So it is your supposition that we are _not_ in a successful relationship? And if we engage in coitus, we would be, is that correct, Dr. Fowler?"

"Not at all. I submit simply that we don't know for sure we are in a successful relationship because we haven't tested all the parameters. I am not willing to put a label on incomplete data. That is all."

"How do you purpose we complete the data? Smash our swim suit parts together to prove a point?"

Amy had to laugh at Sheldon's pale fear filled face. It wasn't until she saw him widen his eyes, looking for an answer, that she took him seriously. "Okay. Are you sure you want me to suggest this?"

"By all means, Amy, lay it out there."

"I propose we engage in coitus, one time. Let that Schrödinger's cat out, see if it is dead or not. We try it once. If afterwards, we don't not like it, we never have to engage in it again. The expectations of further intimacy are off the table. We return to a relationship of pure intellect with no requirements for physical contact again."

"Wow, Amy. That is putting all your eggs in one basket, so to speak."

"Well, my eggs are safely away in my basket, thank you. I am on birth control." Sheldon raised his eyes to Amy upon hearing this latest information. "That is not the issue, that's logistics."

"Speaking of logistics, what would that entail?" Sheldon seemed more interested than Amy had expected. However, Amy had not thought through the details how this experiment would occur at all. A lack of planning and clear expectations she would later regret. For now, she was blissfully unaware of just how painstakingly detailed her boyfriend could be. "I would leave that up to you."

Sheldon thought about it for more than 7.8 seconds, and then responded, "I will get back to you."

After Amy left that night, she drove the short distance back to Glendale with her thoughts flooded with romantic notions of her first night with Sheldon.

_Amy would be waiting for him in her apartment, in a white flowing nightgown draping across the couch. He would enter the room, wearing a button down tux shirt and undid bow tie hanging on his delicious neck. "Amy, I've been waiting a long time for this moment. I want it to be perfect, you deserve nothing less." He grabs her off the couch and pulls her into a heated kiss. She can feel his hot breath moving down her neck as his hands are roaming her back, feeling her every curve. In one fluid motion, he leans down, grabs her under her knees and lifts her up in his suddenly strong bulging arms. For some reason his shirt is off, and his hair has grown 7 inches in the last minute. _

_As Sheldon carries her into the bed room, she arches her back displaying her gaping nightgown. He slowly lowers her on the silken sheets. It was a good thing she had the forethought to light all those candles surrounding the bed; also it was fortuitous that her bed had magically transported to a beach resort overlooking the ocean. She hasn't the time to take in the view, because Sheldon has his own fluid motions as he is rushing over her body with a renewed hunger. His large hands have pulled off her nightgown sleeves, exposing her breasts that he wasted no time caressing with his tongue. He is holding her hands with one hands while the other explores her skin like it is written in braille. She arches her back to his tender touch as he slowly pulls apart her legs and touches her so delicately, she feels like his fingers are feathers. "I want feel your every pore Amy. Please let me make love to you." OH yes! Please! Sheldon. Take me! Suddenly, she is naked under his sleek and taut body as he is deepening his kisses probing her mouth with his eager tongue. She is feeling his naked body as he moves between her, holding her head as his blue eyes pore into her soul. He is about to enter her, claiming her as his own…_ "HHHHOOOONNNNNKKKKK!

Amy really shouldn't day dream while she is waiting for red light. She continues her solo journey to her lonely blue apartment in Glendale with her mind a flutter with desire and her legs squeezed together to hold in her throbbing.

For the seven days after their talk, Sheldon and Amy communicate regularly, however their conversations consist of mundane machinations of Leonard's gaming skills deteriorating and Sheldon's medical scare over his recent bowel changes and sudden onset acid reflux. Amy doesn't broach the subject of the coitus proposal, and neither does he. Thursday is date night, and their regularly scheduled evening of banal dinner conversation followed by an obligatory romantic movie is scheduled. Amy makes her way to Los Robles to retrieve her less than enthusiastic partner. She hopes that he might revisit the subject of last week discussion, but she is accustomed to disappointment concerning Sheldon's conversations and interests.

"Good evening Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Good evening Sheldon Cooper, are you ready to go?"

"I have ordered the pizza. It should be here soon. I hope you like selection. Our regular place changed the sauce recipe and it's inedible. I have drafted a strongly worded email to the…"

"Sheldon, we aren't going out? I thought it was date night?" Pizza is the usual dinner choice for Thursday. For Sheldon to order the regular dinner choice indicated to Amy that he had forgotten date night; an impossibility for her eidetic memory blessed boyfriend.

"Of course it is date night, Amy.. Why else would you be here?" Sheldon rolled his eyes at his girlfriend's idle observation. He felt a way of exhaustion when he searched her eyes, and found sustained ignorance. He had to spell it out for her.

"We are going to discuss your proposal; a subject unsuitable for public eateries or darkened theaters. Now please, come in before I have to explain your slack jawed expression to my meddlesome blond neighbor."

Amy took in a deep breath and opened her eyes wide with surprise. She hadn't expected a response, let alone a night dedicated to its further discussion. "Okay, color me intrigued." She made her way to the couch and sat nervously in the middle.

"Looks like your already colored crimson, but perhaps you are famished. Pizza should be here…" Knock Knock Knock… "On time. I like this new place already."

Sheldon retrieved the pizza and two plates. "May I offer you a beverage?"

"Well, depending on our topic of conversation, either a hot tea or shot of Jack."

"Alcohol, Amy? Really?"

"A jest. A tea would be lovely." Amy noticed a freshly bound document on the coffee table and his notary stamp was out. It seems the monarch butterflies found a new migration point in the location of Amy's stomach. She was itching to read the document, but Sheldon handed her a pizza slice and they ate in the usual silence for ten anxiety inducing minutes before Sheldon spoke again.

"If you are finished, I will remove the plates. You can peruse the document and we can discuss the specifics."

Amy trembling hands picked up the document titled, "Coitus experiment parameters and protocols." It was thinner than the relationship agreement, but density of words overshadowed the volume. "I can't believe you are really up for this… Is real or should I expect a 'bazinga'?"

Sheldon lowered his cocked head and raised his eyebrow, "Amy, you are the one who brought this subject to the forefront. You stated we couldn't say with certainty that our relationship was successful. This action will alleviate the ambiguity, if we perform it with the efficacy required..." He brought the plates to the sink and raised his head again like a new thought had just now pierced his mind, "Do you not want to engage in coitus?"

"No, I do. I have for a while. I am just flabbergasted, that's all." Amy didn't want to talk anymore and give Sheldon an out. She also didn't want to give a diffident response to any more of his inquiries. She needed to be alluringly brazen; an unfamiliar quality was for Amy.

The first page of the agreement was a non-disclosure clause. Sheldon was insuring his chaste reputation with the group, no doubt. Truthfully, Amy was thankful for it. She didn't want her first time spread across Cal-Tech's gossipy halls. Next, the parameters for the study, the reasoning, and the qualifying criteria were outlined in graphic detail. It was organized like most studies that Amy had read for her biology background. The next section required more scrutiny; the act itself.

The couple would remain clothed from the waste up. No unnecessary fondling. Condom must be worn. The couple will assess the conclusion of the study in one week from the act itself.

"Why the long assessment period?"

"We need time to formulate our reactions. There is a survey attached to the agreement. It can be sent as a PDF or preferably, a Google form. I will send you the link." Sheldon was done cleaning the dishes and fixing the tea. He brought two cups to the coffee table and watched Amy as her eyes roamed the document that he had put so much work to complete. He wanted to be clear what to expect for both parties.

"I read here that if both parties agree that the experiment was a failure, then all progress toward intimacy to be forfeited. So, if we hate it, we never do it again?"

"Correct. More importantly, we never have to revisit this unnecessary topic. Honestly Amy, it is distracting to be a slave to your baser urges. You can acknowledge your desires, without giving in to them and letting them live rent free in your mind. If we do this, and it is not mutually beneficial to both parties, then we cease with the physical aspect of our relationship."

Amy swallowed hard and timidly asked, "We would break up if you hate having sex with me?"

"No no, Amy… Honestly woman, read the document. We would not break up, the status of relationship cannot be changed due the experiment. We would revert to our previous restrictions on physical contact. More importantly, we would not have to worry about intimacy anymore. It's one of the appeals of this endeavor and the main reason that I am willing to try this experiment."

Amy snorted out her nose like a dragon, but she tried to keep her voice at a calm volume. She failed, "So, you are doing this just so we stop physical contact. Don't you think, Dr. Cooper that attitude will skew the results when you have preconceived notions about the study's results? You are tainting the study with bias before it begins."

Sheldon looked offended by her remarks, "It is written in the agreement that both parties will have an open mind. It's true. I do not expect to enjoy coitus. You, Dr. Fowler are expecting to like it, your own bias, as you say. Are you prepared mentally if you don't? We both have to keep an open mind. This is science, Amy. We can do this. Better than anyone. I trust we can keep an open mind."

_Science, that's all. _Amy should expect nothing less from the carefully ordered mind of Sheldon Cooper. He was right, of course. Amy was expecting to love it. She had been waiting for years for the hints of tenderness from him. She had been sniffing for crumbs of affection giving her some indication that he found her attractive, that he desired her. The kiss on the train showed her he did for a brief moment. Those seconds of his lips on hers brought her more bliss than she experienced in a lifetime before. She could tell it shocked him, as it did Amy. His subsequent kisses on date nights were so clinical, like he was going through the motions. The passion of the train kiss was forgotten for routine. He was comfortable with her and that was all he needed.

Amy resolved this was the only way she would probably ever have coitus. Sure, she could have a torrid night of love making with some stranger in a bar or with that ape-like face of Zack, but she didn't want to. She wanted Sheldon to be her first, her only. She was in love with Sheldon and her heart wouldn't let her leave him. Coitus could bring them together, 3 years ahead of her original schedule.

"Okay. I'll sign." Amy's shaky signature and initials on the documents should have been a clue for Sheldon to offer some words of comfort to his obviously nervous girlfriend. None were offered, just typical cold detachment.

"Good." Sheldon readied his notary stamp and within 3 minutes, the document was legal.

"Did you shower before you come over, Amy?" Sheldon rose from his spot and filed the documents while he asked his unusual question.

Amy looked confused by his query, 'Yes, I always do. Why?"

"Let's begin." Sheldon walked back to the bedroom, awaiting Amy.

"What, now?" Amy instinctively held her hands to her cardigan, shielding her modesty. She hadn't expected tonight would be the night. She wanted to buy prettier underwear; maybe a new dress.

"Yes now! What did you think was going to happen when we ate in?"

"Well, I thought I would have enough time to prepare."

"Everything is prepared. We will have to forgo our movie for the evening. However, we finish in time, we might be able to catch a rerun of last week's Doctor Who." Sheldon walked back to his room. Expecting Amy to follow. She sat on the couch, not sure how to proceed. She looked around, the room for someone to make an announcement, any sign of trumpets or harp music. Nothing except the sound of Sheldon's computer humming and the door of his room opening. Amy stood up, testing her knees for balance before heading toward the bedroom. She was about to lose her virginity to Sheldon Cooper. The only sound she could hear was her heart beating in her throat.


	2. Chapter 2: Cat Scratch Fever

**A/N: Let the Sheldon bashing begin. You thought you hated him before? Ha! That was nothing. Double update so you won't be left with this bad taste in your mouth for so long. Again, I will remind you that I will right the ship, but it is a slow boat. Never fear. **

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**Schrödinger's Coitus: Chapter Two: Cat Scratch Fever**

This was it. Tonight was the night that Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler was going to lose her virginity. She thought she knew what to expect; after all, she was a biology major and an avaid reader of romance novels. Between those two sources, she thought she was more than qualified. All her years of biology education couldn't have prepared her for what was coming. She hoped for this day for so long, she shouldn't be nervous. She was; terribly so. Her hands were shaking as she put the tea cup down and bit her quivering lip. Amy could feel her finger nails almost dig into her palms. If they were less sweaty, she would've drawn blood.

Amy shuffled quietly down the long hall to the open door of Sheldon's bedroom. He was waiting at the door, holding it open. The first act, and later she would discover, the only act of chivalry. She had been in the bedroom many times before this all important night. Once to put him to bed after a ill thought out night of drunkenness following the folly of matching Penny on drinks. Another time when Amy used it as a place of solitude to escape the embarrassment of her friends jests over her sex life with Sheldon. She was upset over their pushing to have virtual coitus in a make shift D&amp;D game that proved, yet again, her relationship with Sheldon was just a joke to her friends. Now she would be joining the ranks of her rest of her friends, and have sex, like normal couples do. Or, so she thought.

Amy's timid smile to Sheldon quickly evaporated as she scanned the scene. There were no candles, no romance what so ever. No music or softness. In fact, it looked like a clean room. She thought she could probably use the bed for next brain dissection with no fear of contamination. Sheldon's bed was stripped of his usual juvenile sheets and he had put a plastic sheet in their place. It was hospital blue with a rubbery cold feel. Amy remembered her great Aunt Flora using just such a sheet when she had incontinence. The only light in the room was from the window, the city lights streaming in like a beam. One flat sheet was folded at the foot of the bed; Amy only solace was that the sheet was not some space character staring at her, but rather a cold virgin white. On the nightstand, Amy could see a tube of lubricant and three gold foil squares shining in the dark. Sheldon saw her gawking mouth and assumed she was concerned with the condom's quanity rather than the quality of the room where Amy was about to lose her virginity.

"Don't worry Amy, we are only engaging in coitus once, _thank god_. " She heard him state the gratitude to a deity under his breath. " I have three just in case there are any malfunctions. I have been practicing their application all week, so I shouldn't have any difficulty." Amy turned around and saw Sheldon's smug face. He was so proud that he had prepared for this experiment so thoroughly. He thought she would appreciate his attention to detail given her biology back ground. She looked more shocked than impressed. Sheldon mistook her shock for admiration for his preparedness and continued his tour of his lab space, formally known as his bed room.

" Here is a sheet for you to cover yourself. I have also place a plastic sheet. I read that a woman's first time might include some blood, so we wanted to be prepared. After we have concluded our... ah.. activities... you will need to check the bed for any evidence and remove the sheets. I will shower first, then you are free to use the facilities."

Amy could only get a meek 'thank you' from her gob smacked lips.

"You're welcome. Now. I will allow you some privacy to undress. Don't worry, you only need to undress from the waste down, although I suggest taking off your cardigan and blouse to keep from wrinkling them. Please use the lubricant before I re-enter the room. I'll be back in 2 minutes." And the door was closed.

Amy was so shocked, she didn't know what to do. She felt like she was visiting her gynecologist. Actually, Sheldon was more cold than Dr. Goldberg. At least he talked to her before he pulled her legs apart and stuffed something cold into her. Amy was on autopilot of her own resolve. She wanted to see this through and she was still trying to convince herself that his cold clinical detachment would dissipate once they were fused together. She would've stopped the entire experiment at this point with one word: No. She could have called it off. She didn't have the moxy to try.

Instead, she undressed to her underwear and her cotton blouse. She debated whether she should keep her bra on or not. She decided to keep it on. She pulled her tights off her legs quickly; she missed their soothing protective warmth as soon as she did. Sheldon room was very cold that night.

Sheldon told her to take off everything below the waist, so the last barrier was her underwear. She slipped her thumbs in the worn out plastic band and pulled them off quickly and hid them in the folds of her skirt. She was thankful Sheldon didn't see her undergarments. If she knew she was going to be having sex, she might have delved in the Victoria Secret drawer rather than her grandmother's hand-me-down briefs.

Amy climbed into bed and pulled the cotton sheet over her body. The plastic sheet stuck the back of her legs and buttocks. She pulled part of the cotton sheet and put it under her body just not to be sweating before Sheldon before returned.

Sheldon reentered the room, but it was dark. He turned off the light to the hall before he left and pulled the blinds closed. Before the light went away, she could see he was in his white briefs. He was still wearing his bat man t-shirt. She heard him make some noise that she could only assume was he removal of her briefs. She felt the bed dip down from his knee and a cool breeze as the sheet was pulled back with no warning. Sheldon crawled on his knees between Amy, but her legs were locked together at the knees.

"Amy. I need you to move your legs."

"Sure, sorry. " Amy pulled her legs apart, but only a few inches. Sheldon moved his legs between her and used his thighs to pull her apart more. She felt his warm body across hers for a brief moment of bliss, but he was only retrieving the condom package. She heard the wrapping open and the sound of plastic snap in the air like a balloon. She could hear him take a deep breath. He was on his knees, but Amy could only guess that, she couldn't see him.

"I forgot to use the lubricant!" Amy almost screamed the declaration out, half in fear from the impeding pain and half from Sheldon's ire. She could tell he let out a exasperated sigh and she felt him reach across her again. She expected to feel some cool gel on her labia, but instead, she only heard the cap removed and a squirting sound. She felt a cool drop fall on her leg. Sheldon moved the tube back and re-positioned between her.

"Amy, you have to spread your legs wider. I need some room to maneuver here."

"Sorry, I am little nervous."

He said nothing but she heard him take in a quick breath. If he smiled at her, she couldn't see the nonverbal reassurance. He waited for her to open her legs. Amy brought her legs up by bending her knees. She felt Sheldon move closer to her dry core. First she felt just the tips of his fingers as he guided himself to his target. Amy felt the cold slick tip of the rubber meet her. She took in a jagged breath.

Sheldon's assumed it would be easier to find the area he needed to enter, he couldn't be more wrong. He fumbled around for almost a full minute until he found the spot after some difficulty and then slowly entered Amy. She held her breath and tightened her stomach while she arched her head back a little so not to breathe on his face. He had given her a mint after dinner, but she wasn't sure the effects. She moved her head back after the initial shock. Sheldon was inches away from her face. She could feel and smell his minty breath on her forehead. His scent of talc and pheromones were filling her nose. She reached up to put her hands around his neck, but Sheldon stopped.

"No unnecessary touching, Amy."

"I need something to hold on to, Sheldon." She could barely get the words out. Sheldon was only in her 2 inches and she was already tensing up.

"It's distracting, and I need to concentrate to do this. Hold on to the sheet or put your hands behind your head. " He hadn't left her center, but pushed in a little more, then a little more slowly. Finally, he asked a simple question, "Are you feeling any discomfort or pain?"

"A little, but I should be fine now."

"I am only half in, Amy."

"Oh, god! Okay, go slow." Sheldon pushed a little move until he felt a slight resistance. He pushed a little harder and Amy let out a whimper. "Are you okay?" His voice had a hint of genuine concern.

Amy took in three jagged breaths, and let them out in puffs. The burning feeling she felt was subsiding, but it was still a strange feeling. Her thoughts were focused on his length in side her, and the slight pulsing she felt from him. "I'm okay. I'm okay…" She was telling herself more than Sheldon.

"I am going to thrust a little more now, if that's okay?" Amy could feel his bony hip bone rock against her pelvis almost cutting a trough into her. His forearms held him up so his chest didn't touch hers. She could feel the heat off this cotton shirt and the hem on her belly, but felt more her cemented skin being pulled on his plastic sheet.

He pulled back and plunged into her again, a little harder. She tried to open up herself up more , but Sheldon had already found a new rhythm. He gave three more thrusts in an awkward succession and strange movement that felt like he was probing her. His head lowered to the side of her face. She could feel his breath on her neck. With each thrust, Sheldon drew a breath. She was about to turn her head and kiss his neck when his body tensed up and he drew in a breath between his clenched teeth. His whole body tighten up, like every muscle had been pulled like a bow string. Then he released three puffs of breath and moved his hand between her legs. He pulled himself out of her, careful to keep the condom attached to himself. He sat up on the bed. She could hear a snap of plastic. Then the bed moved from lack of his weight. Amy heard him move to the door. He flipped the light on with no warning. Amy held her hand to eyes to keep the glare from blinding her as she pulled the sheet to cover herself. She needn't worry, however, he wasn't looking at her. When her eyes adjusted, Amy could see he had already put on his robe. He finally spoke to her as he left the room.

Without turning around, he barked orders at her in the same tone he uses for the waitresses, "Don't forget the sheets. I have included a special laundry bag." And he leaves.

Amy looks down at herself with pained regret. She didn't want this image in her head, but there it was, carved in her memory with jagged cut. Her pale knees are bend and closed. She can see a slick spot on her thigh from the lubricant that was careless dropped on her. The sheet that once protected her modesty was wrapped around her legs like a snake. She sits up, and feels the pain between her legs. Not just from her battered uterine wall, but from feeling of his weight on her as he released himself. Amy peels her body off the plastic sheet and sits up. Her dry throat and quivering lip taste a salty tear. Her body is slightly shaking as her bare feet meet the cold wood floor.

Amy reaches over and finds the tissue box. She quickly pulls out three tissues and wipes herself. At first she was careful, but she found she wanted all traces off her as soon as possible. She pulls three more tissues and repeats the process even though all fluid has been removed. She wadded the tissues in her hand smaller than she needed and threw them in the trash.

Finding strength, she stands and walks to her clothes, finding her hidden underwear; she pulls it on first,as if the cloth only could repair the damage, heal the hurt. The underwear feels cold, foreign, like they belonged to another woman. She pulls on her skirt, then blouse and cardigan and keep her tights folded and in her pocket. Finally, she takes a deep breath and looks back the bed. The same bed she played D&amp;D with Sheldon over a year ago where a spark of hope was born. The plastic blue sheet have spots of deep red in the middle along with that same slick feeling she had on her legs. The red stains show her that spark was dead, murdered in the last few minutes.

Amy quickly pulls off the sheets and rolls them in a ball, leaving Sheldon's bed clean as the day he bought it. She wanted all evidence burned, thrown out, blown to ash. She shoves the evidence in the laundry bag and leaves it at the foot of the bed on the floor. Then she notices that Sheldon had set out new sheets on the dresser, waiting for the clinical ones to be removed so he can slumber once again in Star Wars Cotton. Amy leaves the bag and the folded clean sheets, and opens the door. She thought he can put on his own sheets, as if that was enough to make up for the last 3 callous minutes.

Sheldon is still in the shower. She can hear the water and feel the humidity on her bare feet escaping from the bottom of the bathroom door. She stops and allows her hand to hover on the door. She wants to knock and tell him she is leaving, hoping that he might ask why, praying that he would ask her to stay. She knew he wouldn't. He would be glad not see her face which has streams of quiet tears. Her quivering lip couldn't form the words good-bye anyway. She hears the tap turn off with a loud squeak that jarred her mind back to life.

She rushes to the living room and finds her shoes and purse. She puts her tights in her purse and wipes the fresh tears away as her hand finds the door knob. As she is closing the door, Sheldon emerges from the bathroom, dressed in his Thursday night pajamas.

Sheldon goes to the bedroom to find a cleared bed, but no new sheets and no Amy. He quickly puts the sheets on the bed and rubs the wrinkles out of the folds. He sits on his bed for a minute as he looks at the clock on the dresser with the two unopened gold foil packages. He looks over at the bed one more time. She didn't change the pillow case. He reaches down and picks up the pillow to remove the case, but stops. He hand moves over the case like he is reading it by Braille. He brings the pillow to his face and takes a deep breath, drinking in her aroma. He puts the pillow back, without removing the case, and finishes cleaning the room of gold wrappers, tubes and laundry.

When he is done, Sheldon slowly walks to the living room and looks around, expecting something or someone, he doesn't know. Nothing: Empty quiet. Just the sound of his computer humming. He sent a message to Amy, asking her if she okay. He assumes she must have been tired after their activities and would rather shower in her own space. "She could have at least said good-bye," he says to no one but the empty room who doesn't answer back.

He sits in his spot and turns on BBC America. His eyes are focused on his desk drawer where he keeps his important papers and agreements instead of on the latest escapades of the Scottish incantation of the Doctor. That was where Leonard found him, one hour later, dazed and unfocused sitting in his spot.

"Hey Sheldon, I came by to get some clothes... Hey...I thought it was date night. What are you doing home?"

Sheldon rose to retire to bed in order to avoid any unpleasant conversations with his soon to be ex-roommate, "We had the date here, Leonard." Then Sheldon remembered, he didn't give Amy their ending date night kiss. Another incomplete date he will have to make up for the next time he saw her.

He had seven days to decide if that kiss would be the last contractually obligated affection he had to give Amy. At this moment, Sheldon couldn't decide. He needed more data.


	3. Chapter 3: Cat's out of the bag

**A/N: I will remind the readers that Sheldon is Sheldon. Don't hate the player, hate the game. He is coming around slowly, like a glacier. I am really trying to keep IC here people. **

* * *

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Chapter 3:Cat's out of the bag**

Amy's drive back to Glendale was swift and loud. She cranked up a Neil Diamond's song, 'Love on the Rocks' loud enough the speakers crackled and reverberated in her ear drums. The song didn't make her cry, just laugh. When the next song came on, 'Hello Again', she started crying so hard she had to pull over on the Colorado bridge so she wouldn't drive over the edge. The love song was just another harsh reminder of what she could never have or hear from someone: Love. She was in love with a man who didn't know how to return it. The bile taste of disappointment was hard to swallow in her dry throat.

She wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and go to sleep after a hot steaming cleansing shower. She was looking forward to the shower more than anything she could have in her life. Funny, she always thought that coitus with Sheldon would have been the ultimate is in satisfaction. It was anything but and now she longed for streams of dihydrogen monoxide to wash away the pain and hopefully, the memory.

There was so much regret staining the last hour, but currently, Amy was lamenting signing the non-disclosure agreement. She could really use someone to talk to right now. Some kind of reassuring voice to help muffle her tears and help her comb through the tangled web of unfamiliar feelings. She couldn't tell anyone, it was clearly stated. Alone, tired, sticky and spent, Amy finally was home. She toss her keys in the bowl and started stripping before the door was fully shut. By the time she was at her bathroom door, she was naked. She didn't wait for the pipes to heat up, she jumped in and took the longest most needed shower of her life. She scrubbed her body till it was raw and red. When she exhausted all the hot water and her mind, she finally emerged. After she brushed her teeth, and sent an email to her boss, calling in for the next day, she curled up in her bed with her knees to her chest. With her head to the side, cradled in her pillow, the tears from her left eye fell toward right and formed a puddle on her face. By the time she fell asleep, her pillow was wet. At least, she thought, it didn't stick to her.

* * *

Sheldon woke up the next morning at his usual time. He didn't remember his dreams, but had a faint hint of brownies and spring flowers. He spent the evening sleeping better than he had in ages. As he blinked his eyes open, he drew in a large breath through his nose. It was then he noticed two things: the scent of the pillow permeating his nostrils and the growing erection in his pajamas. He took one more deep breath off the pillow perfume, and rushed to the bathroom for a cooler than normal shower.

At Cal-Tech, Sheldon found he had burst of energy and enthusiasm for his work. Calculations flew off his board at break neck speed. His hand couldn't keep up with the rate his mind was working. The only break from his concentration came in the form of his former roommate calling him to lunch.

"You ready, buddy? Woah, Sheldon, what the heck man? You used every white board in the physics department here?" Sheldon's room looked like a white board factory. Every wall was covered with calculations.

"Yes, I even had Alex steal some from those rock monkey's in Geology, not like they need them anyway."

"What's gotten into you? Something finally click in that brain of yours? You've been stalled since you got back from your train trip."

"I don't know Leonard, but I do find I am famished. Let's eat quickly so I can get back. I assume everyone is meeting for lunch?" He was looking forward to seeing Amy more than usual.

"Yes, I think so. Let's go."

It was customary for Raj, Howard, Leonard and Sheldon to have lunch together. Since Amy had been working at Cal-Tech, Friday's were a day she would join them. Sheldon noticed the lunch table was set up for four instead of five.

"Where's Amy?"

"She called in sick. Anyway, have you guys heard about the expansion pack for the Mystic…"

"How do you know that?"

"I went to her lab to pick her up. By the way, shouldn't you do that?"

Sheldon ignored Raj's comment. Howard started again about the new expansion pack, but Sheldon cut Howard off, "Why is she sick?"

Howard looked annoyed, "I don't know Sheldon…. Maybe she just needed a break from you. I know I do!"

"A break from what? I saw her last night, she was fine."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "Maybe that's what caused her illness. I know I get sick if I have to spend more than hours with you. Amy just needs to detox." Leonard laughed at his own joke, but Sheldon wasn't laughing.

"You think I got Amy sick last night?"

Leonard looked confused, "No, Sheldon it was a joke. If Amy got sick from you, you would be sick, right. If you're so worried, call her later and check on her." But Sheldon was already texting Amy to find out how she was feeling. He hit send and left his phone on the table while the group finished lunch. Sheldon sad nothing during the entire lunch, even when Howard tried to goat him with comparisons of the New Doctor to David Tennent. Sheldon just watched his phone while he shoved his sandwich down his throat unusually fast. No reply and no notices. He checked his email, nothing. He tried Skype, nothing. He tried calling, no answer.

"Leonard, you need to take me to Amy's."

"It's the middle of day, Sheldon! I can't leave my experiment. Don't you have work too?"

"Leonard... I got more work done in the last 4 hours than you have in 6 months. I need to go now."

"Well, bully for you. I need to catch up then, don't I? I'll take you after work." Leonard walked back to his lab and away from his crazy friend.

This dismissal didn't sit well with Sheldon. He needed to see Amy now. He called Penny, "Penny. You need to pick me up from work and take me to Amy's, she's sick."

"Sheldon! I am busy! I can't take you!" Penny rolled her eyes at his assumption, "God, why would you think that I could…"

"Watching reruns of America's top model while eating a pint of rocky road ice cream is not busy, it's sad. Now, pick me up in the parking lot."

"Fine!" Penny turned off the TV after recording the modeling show. She put away the ice cream to the freezer and headed to Cal- Tech. "Damn mind reader."

On the ride over to Amy's, Penny was concerned. Sheldon was quiet, but nervously holding the strap of his messenger bag like a life line. "What's wrong with Amy? Is she really sick?"

"I don't know, she's not answering my calls. Have you heard from her?"

"No, actually. I texted her today because we were supposed to go out tonight, but I haven't heard from her. God I hope she's okay. What happened last night? Did she seem sick at dinner? Where did you guys go?"

"We didn't go anywhere. We stayed in and ate Pizza."Sheldon's eyes shifted away from his nosy friend.

Penny rolled her eyes, "Maybe she's sick over having a terrible boyfriend! You guys have pizza every Thursday! I thought date night was supposed to be special!"

"It was!"

Penny knew Sheldon's track record with Amy. He was bound to screw up again, and soon. "What did you do, order the wrong toppings?"

Sheldon shifted uncomfortably, "We ate pizza, that's all." He couldn't lie, he was terrible at it. Penny was no fool. She knew something was up when she saw him twitching. She pulled the car over to side of the road and turned off the engine.

"What are you doing?"

"You better spill the beans, Mr. What happened?"

Sheldon was frozen, his eyes wide like he was stuck in a beam of truth. He twitched his eye unconsciously, "I don't know what you are referring to, Penny. Now please engage the vehicle and continue on to Amy's."

"Nope. You didn't just eat pizza. You wouldn't care if Amy was just sick. Something happened."

"I would too care if Amy was sick. I am contractually obligated to care for her. It's in the relationship agreement, under boo boo's and ouchies."

Penny started the car, but quickly turned it off when it hit her what Sheldon had said, "Wait, boo's and ouchies aren't sick, their pain... She's not sick, she's hurt? What did you do, Sheldon?!" Penny's voice raised. She knew something was wrong. Sheldon was showing too much concern.

Sheldon shifted his head down, "I might have hurt Amy. I don't know. I won't know till we get there. Now drive… Please…" His voice was shaking with worry. Penny looked in his glazed eyes. She knew something was wrong. She restarted the car and rushed over to Amy's. Sheldon didn't mention that she was going over the speed limit; another reason for Penny to be concerned.

Penny and Sheldon made their way to the door. Sheldon did his signature knock, but no answer. He did it again louder, and nothing. "Maybe she's not home. Are you sure she is sick, Sheldon? Maybe she is out with her mom or something."

"No, her car is here. Something is wrong. I know it."

"How?"

"I just do. Don't ask me about it again. I can't talk about it." He knocked again. Nothing. He pulled a key out of his pocket and opened the door.

"SHELDON! You can't just go in there!"

"I can; she gave me a key for emergencies. This is an emergency."

"It better be." Penny went into the darkened apartment. She found Amy's clothes strewn over the floor. She started picking them up, first the cardigan, skirt, shirt then tights and finally her underwear. Penny noticed it was stained with blood. "Oh god. "

"What? What's wrong?"

Penny looked down at the pile of clothes, "I think, Amy…." Penny didn't want to say what she thought. It could be just that she started her period, but Penny and Amy's cycle was the same, and it wasn't due for 2 weeks. The clothes and the rush to get undressed, the blood. She'd seen this before with a friend of hers after a Frat party. She didn't want to vocalize it, but Penny feared that Amy could have been raped. Penny didn't think Sheldon could handle the truth, so she just said, "Something bad might have happened to Amy, Sheldon."

Sheldon swallowed hard and looked worried like a child who's told his mother is sick; he can do nothing about it but worry and feel helpless. Just as he was about to check on the bedroom, Amy emerged in her nightgown. Her eyes were blood shot and it looked like she had been asleep for hours.

She went over and pulled her clothes from Penny's grasp. "Nothing bad happened, Penny. I'm just tired." Amy walked over the kitchen to get a glass of water. Penny noticed she was walking funny. Amy gave a quick glance to Sheldon, but didn't acknowledge his presence. She retrieved a glass of water and went back to the bedroom, closing the door without another word. Penny looked at Sheldon and she narrowed her eyes to slits.

Penny cocked her head and glared at Sheldon, "You and Amy had sex, didn't you?"

Sheldon eyes went wide and drew in a quick breath, and swallowed hard. He thought, could be that people who have sex a lot, like Penny, can detect it from others like some kind of super power?

That was all the acknowledgement Penny needed. "Oh god, Sheldon! What did you do!" She rushed to the door of the bedroom. Sheldon was frozen, unsure how to act. He could hear muffled sounds from the bedroom. Finally, Penny's voice raised, 'That's crazy! UG!" Penny rushed out of the bedroom and slammed the door.

Penny started yelling at Sheldon, "She refuses to talk about it Sheldon! Some Sheldon style BS about non-disclosure mumbo jumbo! Have you any idea what a big deal it is for a girl? Her first time! And she is crying!"

"Crying?! I didn't know she was crying!"

"Well, you wouldn't care if she was, you selfish bastard! What did you do? Climb on her and grunt! How did this even happen anyway?" Penny got nothing from Sheldon but a deep swallow and wide eyes. "You need to get in there and fix this! I'm leaving. She won't talk to me anyway." Penny stomped past Sheldon, pushing him out of the way. She turned around while she held the apartment door open. "Fix this Sheldon! Or so help me god, I will tell your mother you…"

Amy emerged from the bedroom, "Penny! You will do no such thing! Everything is fine. There is nothing wrong. You are making too many assumptions. I am just not feeling well today. I don't want to talk about it. Now, if you both please leave. I want to sleep. " Amy looked at Sheldon and he stiffed up. He was torn between wanted to leave and his obligation to his girlfriend. Finally he found his voice.

"Penny, go. I will take care of Amy, if she wants me to or not." He glared at Amy and she rolled her eyes and went to her bedroom, slamming the door. He turned on his heels and went to the back of the apartment. Penny was left just as confused and irritated as when she picked up Sheldon. Just another day at the office.

Sheldon knocked on Amy's bedroom door with his signature repetitive style but with a little less gusto and confidence.

Amy barked back from the closed door, "I really want to be alone, Sheldon. Please just go." She curled up back in a ball.

Sheldon went to the kitchen and fixed a cup of tea and a bowl of soup. He brought the tray to her door, and knocked again. "Go Away!"

Sheldon didn't listen to her pleas, he entered her bedroom to find her on her side hugging a pillow to her stomach.

He timidly sat on the bed next to her, watching her chest rise and fall with each breath. Please eat, and have the hot beverage."

"I don't want a hot beverage, Sheldon."

"Sorry, not an option."

Amy sipped the tea and took a few bites of the soups before curling up again away from Sheldon. He was on such unfamiliar ground. "Amy, please tell me what's wrong… Did… I … Hurt…you?"

Amy couldn't help but let out a laugh. It wasn't his fault he was so confused. His ignorance about emotions was legendary and why would she think coitus would suddenly grow some sense of understanding and compassion from her self- absorbed emotionally stunted boyfriend. She had to deal him out the harsh hand of truth; she was the only one who could.

Amy sat up and kept the pillow close to her chest. "Sheldon, physically, I am fine. I am a little sore but I will recover."

"Do you need a bath? Can I get you an analgesic?"

Amy took a deep breath and let it out. Actually, she thought that was a good idea. Sheldon didn't wait for an answer. He found her aspirin and brought them to her with a glass of water. It pained him to see her like this, knowing he was the cause. Sheldon took a deep breath, "Amy I am so sorry. I read that a woman's first time could be… Painful. I should have been more careful. I am terribly sorry. I had hoped that the lubricant would make it better. I guess I didn't use enough or the wrong brand. " Sheldon was mortified he hurt his girlfriend. He never dreamed he could do such a thing. This confirmed his fears of coitus.

"No Sheldon, it's not that. You're rather large, I think." Amy laughed and thought, how would she know? "I believe it would have hurt no matter how much you used. I feel alot better now. That is not what is upsetting me."

"Then what is wrong? " His large blue eyes were begging for answers that Amy wished would come naturally to him. She knew better though. He would never understand without some help. Should she bother? She expected his callous response either way. It was a science experiment after all. She needed to gather her clinical detachment.

"Sheldon, I expected a different result from our experiment."

"You didn't enjoy it?"

"No, I did not."

Sheldon didn't expect that answer. He was fully expecting her to beg for more coitus when he emerged from the shower last night. Finding an empty apartment was a big shock to him and if he was honest with himself, he was disappointed she wasn't there. "Is that why you left last night? You were… Disappointed?""

"Disappointed is an appropriate word. I had it in my head how it would go. It was _nothing_, I mean nothing like I imagined. "

Sheldon swallowed hard, "You have had experiments before that caused an orgasm. You said on our first date that you once experimented and achieved orgasm 128 times. Was this at all comparable?"

"I didn't achieve orgasm last night, so I can't really…' Sheldon cut off her sentence with by sitting up in shock.

"You didn't achieve orgasm? Amy! The experiment is mute! How could you not achieve orgasm?"

Amy was glaring at him over her glasses, "Seriously?! How could you possibly expect I would achieve orgasm with two minutes of you grinding against me with no foreplay, no touching. You didn't even kiss me!"

"Amy, the experiment was to judge coitus, not all that other touchy stuff!"

"Well, that 'touchy stuff' as you so childishly put it is what helps a woman achieve orgasm. " How could he not know that, Amy thought? She assumed he had researched this topic.

"Did you have touchy stuff, I mean foreplay… When you did the experiment before?"

_Damn his logic_… She didn't have any touching before. The electrodes where channeled straight to her pleasure center. "No.. Sheldon I wasn't touched then. The experiment was tied to the pleasure center of the brain. Last night was anything but pleasurable."

"Well...We have to do it again."

Amy shot back in complete surprise, "What did you say?"

"Amy, your lack of orgasm has tainted the results. You need to achieve orgasm for us to have a valid experiment. Until you do, the experiment must continue. Oh boy, I have to plan this all out again... Maybe we can get those electrode things..."

"Wait… Hold on… You want to have sex again?"

Sheldon held up his hands, "Well, I don't want to! But you leave me no choice!"

Amy didn't know what to say, "Wait, what about the clause if both parties agree that the experiment was a failure, then all progress toward intimacy be forfeited. "

"Yes, but that is only valid AFTER the experiment is complete. Honesty Amy, you would think with your background you would know that an experiment is not complete if all the perimeters are not met. Really…" Sheldon shook his head.

Amy's voiced raised in shock, "The only parameters were that we preformed coitus. That and all your clinical detachment clauses that sucked the joy out of everything." Sheldon ignored her jab, and pulled out his Ipad, with the document.

"Look, here. "If we perform it with the efficacy required". I did my part. You did not keep up with your required efficacy."

Amy barked back at him, "Hold up pal! My orgasm is YOUR responsibility, not mine!"

"That seems grossly unfair. How can I insure YOUR orgasm? It's your body!" Sheldon's wide eyes defensively looked for answers.

Amy squeezed the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath, holding her frustration in. She was master at patience with this infuriating man. "Correct. It's my body, so it's my orgasm."

Sheldon smiled smugly, until she continued talking. "But Sheldon, a woman's orgasm is a MAN's responsibly during coitus by creating the context for the orgasm to occur. You set the tone, create the conditions under which orgasm is obtainable. "

"Well, I achieved orgasm without your help." Amy felt offended by this comment, but he was right. She didn't do anything except lie there.

"Men have an easier time at achieving orgasm. It is simple biology. I think your research in this subject matter is lacking to say the least, Dr. Cooper."

Sheldon sat up straight, "I'll have you know my research was thorough and well documented. Didn't you read the bibliography and works cited page on the agreement?"

"Sheldon, text books on sex aren't going to do it. You need different kind of reading material. " Amy was getting tired, she laid her head back on the pillow, and continued with a deep exhausted sigh, "It doesn't matter anyway. The experiment is a failure. We might as well call it over. In fact, maybe we should just terminate the relationship while we are it…"

Sheldon stood up in alarm, "No AMY! The experiment is not over! And we aren't terminating anything. Don't you dare say we are terminating our relationship over this. It is written in the coitus agreement that this will result in no changes what so ever in our relationship status until the experiment is done. Well, sister.. it's not done! You promised Amy!" His cracking scared voice was juxtaposed by his adamant resolve. "We will continue our experiment until we get it right! So rest up, Amy. We are spending the weekend to finish this thing. By Monday we will know once and for all if we have a successful relationship. "

Sheldon walked over to her door and looked back at her shocked face, "Meet me at my apartment tomorrow morning at 9:00 AM and bring a change of clothes for two days. You will be spending the night."

"But Sheldon…"

"No buts Amy. We have to finish this! I don't care how many time we have to do it! If I have to spend the entire weekend naked on top of you, we are going to get this right." He slammed the bedroom door and stormed out.

Amy stood up from her bed in shock. Before she had a chance to process what had just occurred, Sheldon stormed back in the room and walked over to her. He grabbed her hips and pulled her body flush with his. As soon as he touched her, he softened. He let out a relaxed breath on her lips. He looked her with a millisecond to spare and pressed his lips against hers. Amy's elbows were bend, her hands at her sides, palms up like she was holding back his force with the air. Before she could react, he pulled away and swallowed hard. She could have sworn he had a slight smile on his face.

He spoke in a soft, but lordly tone, "We didn't have our ending date night kiss last night. You know I hate it when things are left undone, Amy. " He studied her face for a moment and released her. He grabbed his messenger bag strap for strength and left again, this time closing the door softly.

Amy sat back on the bed hoping her knees would work again soon.


	4. Chapter 4: Cat's out of the bag part II

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Chapter 4: Cat's out of the bag**

* * *

Luckily, Leonard was just leaving work and Sheldon wouldn't have to take the bus. Unluckily, Penny had already texted Leonard that Sheldon had sex with Amy and he botched it. Sheldon tried to maintain plausible deniability, but the cat was out of the bag. The car ride was uncomfortably silent at times and other time, it echoed with Leonard's barking voice asking banal questions like, "Really, Sheldon?" "Are you serious?" And the best one: "What were you thinking?" Silence was Sheldon's only friend until he returned to the apartment to find Penny seated in Leonard's beige chair.

"Sheldon Lee Cooper, what are you doing here? You should be with Amy making her feel better after you used her as a sperm bank without so much as a how ya do!" She couldn't fathom why he would be home. At least she could scream at him properly now, then head to Amy's.

Sheldon glared at Penny, " I didn't use Amy as a sperm bank! I used a condom… uh oh…."

"HA! I knew it! You did have sex!"

Leonard dropped the Chinese food on the table with a slam, "What were you thinking?"

Sheldon looked around like his mind was grasping for something, anything to get him out of this mess. He was blank. "I can't talk about it, so drop it." He slumped in his spot and put his hand on his head hoping for the silence again.

Penny was unabated, "You better spill the beans, mister! What happened?"

"I can't discuss it! I have a non-disclosure clause with Amy!"

Leonard sat back on the couch still amazed that Sheldon would actually have sex. He knew how to talk to Sheldon, better than anyone, except Amy of course. "Sheldon, what if we sign a non-disclosure agreement about the non-disclosure agreement? And you can talk about the act hypothetically?"

Sheldon head shot up with a snap. "That might work. " Sheldon opened his laptop and typed furiously for a few minutes. Penny wanted to say something, but Leonard motioned to her to stay quiet. Within 5 minutes, the printer was spitting out two pages which were quickly handed to Penny and Leonard.

Penny looked over the document, "Wait, I can't talk to Amy? That's not cool Sheldon! You can talk to Leonard! That's not fair!"

"If Amy wants to break our contractual obligation, then by all means. I am not going to say you may ask her about it, and she won't discuss it. Rock and hard place? Let Penny squeeze through." Sheldon crossed his arms and smugly smiled at Penny. She whispered 'Jerk' under her breath and continued reading.

Penny eyes went wide and she held the document close to her chest, "Wait, this is blackmail!"

"Well, you need an extra incentive to keep your mouth shut."

"What did he put in there, Penny?" Leonard agreement didn't have a blackmail section.

'Never mind, here…." Penny signed the document and handed it quickly to Sheldon before Leonard could ask anymore, she was already asking about the dalliance.

"Spill it, Romeo, what happened. Leave nothing out."

"Oh, god Penny, don't tell him that! Are you crazy?" Before any more objections, Sheldon started, "If two scientists, hypothetically, wanted to test their relationship, they might decide to engage in coitus, once. Only to see if the act would change their relationship… Hypothetically, speaking."

"Yes, yes Sheldon, get to the details. What did the two mystery scientists do, exactly?"

"Let's say, they.."

"Oh come on Sheldon, spill it!"

Sheldon went to the drawer and retrieved the experiment. It was easier to explain the experiment to Leonard than Penny. But he was less than supportive after he read the details.

"Plastic sheets? No touching? Or kissing? God, Sheldon, really?"

"OH god, poor Amy!" Penny yelled out.

"Poor Amy? How about me? My only solace was that is over within 1 minute 45 seconds. Ummm. Hypothetically…." Leonard rolled his eyes and Sheldon continued, " I was the one left here without so much as good bye or… " He wanted to say his obligatory good night kiss, but he stopped short, "or anything!"

Leonard had dealt with Sheldon's unique blend of bone-headed arrogance and complete clueless behavior before, but this topped it." Again, you say this was Amy's brilliant plan?"

"Yes, well no. I came up with the experiment after she said we couldn't determine if our relationship was successful without testing all the parameters… We have to know, Leonard."

Penny was fuming and she barked at Sheldon, "So, you truly thought the best course of action was to treat her first time with less compassion and tenderness as trip to the Gynecologist? Sheldon! That was the worst first time story I've ever heard! You didn't even kiss her? Wow! No wonder Amy 's balling like a baby!"

"It was an experiment! Hypothetically. And of course I didn't kiss her! Kissing isn't for some science project… It's special. It's…" Sheldon looked at Penny vacant expression. They could never understand that kissing was special to Sheldon. He feels different when he kisses Amy, and he had to maintain his clinical detachment. He promised Amy a science experiment and he would be taking advantage of her to kiss her during it. As much as he wanted to at the time. He was very proud he was able to keep things compartmentalized so well. "Anyway… It was all for science."

"Hypothetically, you're a cold bastard." Penny thought she needed a drink for this conversation and she was right.

"No, I'm a scientist."

"Doesn't mean you can't be a douche and a scientist. Listen Sheldon. Yes it was an experiment, but it was still sex! A joining of two people in an expression of love, not just act for you empty your man seed in her."

"Again, I hypothetically used a condom…"

"I heard, and gross okay! I didn't need a detailed account of your condom application practice. Just gross! And you showed Amy as much respect as a two dollar whore."

Sheldon stood up in alarm. His shift action and low booming voice amplified his anger, "How dare you infer I don't respect Amy! I respect her more than anyone I have ever met! I value her opinion on everything. I wrote the experiment based off one of her lab work ups. Everything I did was to respect her as scientist! I used plastic sheets, because I know she hates a mess, I kept the light off, so I wouldn't look at her eyes, seeing her disapproval if I did something wrong. It was everything I had not to look at her when I was done, but I wanted to respect her privacy. She said she was fine I believed her, I probably shouldn't have." Sheldon looked down with guilt, but quickly pointed his finger at Penny, "But don't you ever say I don't respect her!" Sheldon let out a snort and headed to the refrigerator for a bottle of water to wash down his anger. Penny looked at Leonard with rounded eyes, and he shook his head because he knew his friend didn't quite understand.

After he quelled his rage, Sheldon looked up from the refrigerator, "Well, the bad news is I have to do it all over again!" Sheldon swallowed, "Hypothetically."

Leonard and Penny looked at each other in horror, "Exsqueeze me? Again?"

"Yes, unfortunately, I found out that Amy did not achieve orgasm, so we need to the experiment over again. I am at a loss as to why…"

"Are you kidding me? You don't know why? You're lucky you still have a girlfriend after that performance. I mean wow. You really suck at coitus, Sheldon!"

Sheldon shot back quickly, "Well, It's not like I do every day like you two! I didn't know what I was doing! She's lucky I didn't go screaming in the night! It took a lot out of me to get up the courage to even do what I did! I barely touch myself when I shower, and I had to do… that!" Sheldon breathed through his nose rapidly. They really didn't know how much he had to prepare for the experiment. He was nervous all week. His stomach was doing flip flops every time he thought about their date. He could barely get the condom this first time he tried it because he was so flaccid. He was so worried that when the experiment happened, he wouldn't be able to perform. He could feel his throat tighten and his mouth was dry remembering it. He took a large swallow of water finishing the bottle as he remembered all he had done. He researched Aphrodisiacs in order to prepare for the experiment. Oysters were out of the question and other arousing delights turned his already sour stomach at the thought.

First he tried chocolate. Sheldon had read the Montezuma was said to ingest colossal amounts of coco beans to stimulate his sexual appetite. Sheldon ate brownies and it seemed to help, but not enough. Sheldon had also heard that thinking of trains going through tunnels could help a man get an erection. Sheldon would meditate and think of trains and train trips and the motion of the car. For some unknown reason, thinking of trains helped, he had no idea why. When he combined the two, chocolate and thinking of train, he was able to apply the condom.

Rarely had he had to worry about unwanted erections, but as the time for the date drew near, he would find himself with a hardening problem in his pants. He had the same problem on his trip this summer. Every time he would go to the dining car of his train, he would get an uncomfortable feeling in his pants. It was a strange and uncomfortable situation he more than once had to use Kolinhr to calm his excitement.

On Thursday, Sheldon didn't have the trouble of an erection he was so worried would happen. All the thoughts of trains and chocolate were for naught. He not only had an erection, but he was able to achieve an orgasm. Penny and Leonard were acting like having coitus was easy as walking. It wasn't easy for Sheldon, but he did it. He deserved some credit.

Penny looked at Leonard after Sheldon's outburst. He was right, it was incredible that Sheldon was able to have coitus at all. That's what initially shocked them. However, how he treated Amy could not be ignored nor could his arrogance on his performance. Given his arrogance on everything, it's wasn't surprising.

Penny finally said, "Mister… You are messing with forces that are beyond you ken. If you are going to do this again, you need to know some stuff."

Penny was trying to be nice and not mention a whore comment again, but it was difficult, "Sheldon, honey, look. I know it was difficult for you to have sex like that, but imagine how it was for Amy? She never had sex before either. For women, it's a big deal. It's a rite of passage more for a woman than a man." Sheldon was about to say something about that not being fair, but Leonard cut him off.

"It's not fair but it's true. When I guy has sex for the first time, he practically gets a parade. When a woman does… Well… I don't know.. Penny?"

Penny looked down, and almost cried. Her first time was awful. It was as bad or worse than Amy's. At least Amy still had her boyfriend afterwards. Penny's guy left her the next day for her best friend: Skanky Marlene McBetty, the corn cob queen runner up. Penny hated that bimbo.

"When a woman has sex for the first time, it means something more. Amy never should have suggested this experiment and if she knew better, she wouldn't have. But she's just as clueless as you, apparently. Now, she has deal with the fact that her first time had less romance than a trip to the free clinic. She is probably crushed with disappointment and hurt that you didn't care enough to offer one ounce of tenderness after she gave her virginity to you. It was a gift, Sheldon. Something special she had been saving forever and she choose to give it to you. Why, I have no clue."

Penny's words hit Sheldon like a slap, 'Why? Because we are in a relationship, Penny. It is stronger than anyone's we know! She …" Sheldon was going to say she loved him, but he stopped himself. She never said it to him, but he knew it. He was afraid of it, ran from it, ignored it, shunned it, but there was no denying he knew it.

"Well, Sheldon, I'm not so sure. If your relationship is so strong, why is she home crying and you are here defending your actions? Why don't you know what she was feeling after coitus? Why, oh all knowing one, do you not realize that having sex for one minute can't get a woman off?"

Sheldon sat back and thought about his answers, but he had none. "Well, I am not going to give up. Amy is coming over this weekend and we will see how she feels after this whole messy business is over and done. As soon as she has an orgasm during coitus, then the experiment is over. "

"Oh Amy, you lucky girl…" Penny held up her glass, "If your relationship can survive after last night's performance and your cold-hearted cluelessness, then you two really have the best relationship, Sheldon. Good luck!"

* * *

Penny left Leonard to talk to Sheldon about "Man things." Leonard was the king of foreplay, so maybe his innate bedroom skills could help his clueless friend. Penny didn't really care to hear the gory details, she had to get to Amy and get the real story, non-disclosure be damned.

Thankfully, Amy answered the door. She looked better and more rested, but her eyes showed worry, "Hello Penny, look I can't talk about.."

Penny cut her off before she could give any nonsense about disclosure or any such malarkey."Sheldon spilled the beans, I know it all." Penny walked in and sat on Amy's couch, tapping the cushion so her friend could tell her everything.

"That bastard." Amy knew Sheldon terrible at lying, but he insisted on the non-disclosure clause. "He couldn't keep his trap shut for two days!" Amy grabbed two glasses and poured wine while she steamed over Sheldon's weakness.

"In all fairness, he made us sign a non-disclosure agreement as well and it was in hypothetical mumbo jumbo. But I am talking to you, so Shelbot can suck it!"

"US? Who did he tell?"

"Just me and Leonard."

Amy slumped on the couch and put her head in her hands, "Oh God! "

"Screw him, listen to me Amy. How are you feeling, honey?"

"Physically, I'm fine. I took a long bath and rested all day, so I feel a lot better."

"I was worried about you. Are you sure?"

"Yes, it's not the physical issues that worries me. Although, that was a shock. I thought I knew what to expect. " Amy snorted, and half smiled. " Expectations… It's just I thought… I hoped… I'm …" Amy voice was still weak and staggered. She finally let out a breath , "I am just so soul crushing disappointed about our relationship. I just want to wash away the memory of that night because I want to have the chance again. I made a devil's bargain and lost. I should have known better, I'm better than this! I was just so shocked he was willing to do, I didn't say anything. I turned off my brain, never a good idea.

"I don't know how you even do that Amy, you're pretty smart. You thought it would work, how can it change when it's over in a minute."

"What bugs me is I didn't say what I wanted a head of time. I read the experiment, and it was clear, but I let hope get in the way. And then to think I wasted my first time on some science experiment? " Amy snorted a laugh, "I guess it's better than wasting it on Zack…"

"Oh, yeah. He is as bad at Sheldon, and he had lots of practice." Amy tried to force a smile, but it was hard to get her mouth up. "Oh, honey. I'm sorry. It's not your fault and you shouldn't feel stupid. Who knew that was how he would react. It was new to him as well. I think you can move past it. Look, if it makes you feel any better, I think Sheldon is really worried about you. He just doesn't know how to handle it. But, he isn't willing to give up."

"He wants to do it again." Amy let her confession out meekly.

"I heard. He says he not going to stop till you have an orgasm." Penny was a little worried by the whole confession, but was too curious to stop prying, "How do you feel about that, Ames?"

Amy took a deep breath. She really didn't know what to think. On one hand, she never wanted to experience that horrific emotional disappointment again. On the other hand, he said he wouldn't stop till he gave her an orgasm. It was hard to pass up, Sheldon could melt her with one look, one smile. But their relationship was too precious to her to mess with it anymore."I'm so conflicted Penny. Is it bad that I might want to try again?"

"Not at all. Listen to me… A woman's first time sucks, almost 100% of the time. Don't listen to those stupid romance novels and the like. It is messy, awkward and plain terrible. You're not the only one with a bad story." Penny didn't add that Amy's was the worst, but that wasn't the point, "The point is, the second time is better, and the third time, well.. then you start feeling something. I hate to say this, but if he is willing to try to give you an orgasm, than he better than half the guys out there."

"It's just an experiment to him, Penny. It means nothing."

"Well, I find it very interesting indeed that he wants to do it again. He could just say, sorry it didn't work. Or better, the experiment was set up wrong, so it's void or some science mumbo jumbo. But no. He wants to do it again. You know what means…" Penny raised her eyes at Amy whose blank expression couldn't process Penny hint. "Seriously, how can you not get this? He liked it, AMY! It obvious!"

Amy raised her hands up and shook her head, "There is no way he liked it, Penny. How could he? It was over in like a minute."

"Men like sex, no matter how long."

"Sheldon isn't like most men. If he was, he would watch porn or ogle other women. Hell, he's been living across from you for years, has he ever gave an indication he was interested? I see your blank expression and take that as a no. This is science to him, Penny. Nothing more. "

"Then get something out of it. If this is your only chance at coitus with Sheldon, then make sure you have the best coitus you can. Make him crawl on his knees! Make him squirm! Squeeze everything you can outta that selfish jerk, and leave him wanting more."

"Oh, Penny. We both know, wanted more is the last thing I will ever hear from Sheldon. Once this experiment is over, it's over. That's all. I need to face that reality. He really doesn't want me. He is just doing it to prove a point."

"Then drive that point home, honey. HARD!"


	5. Chapter 5: Cat got you tongue

**A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter to Frankie. She gave me a great gift which is going to be hard to repay. (I'm thinking of kidney or my first born, but let's start with this.) She gave me her ticket for a taping of the show, and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. I wanted to say thank you to her and dedicate this fun chapter to her. I hope you all like it too. **

**Moving from the dark into the light, folks. But, it is still cloudy with chance of Shamy.**

* * *

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Cat got you tongue**

Amy slowly lowered herself in a steaming tub of over flowing bubbles; she had a heavy pouring arm on the bubble bath as she was distracted by the plotting of her next move. Penny's dominatrix advice was fine for some, but most of it would only be useful if Sheldon and she had "real Coitus." The kind of coitus Sheldon has in mind takes a level of finesse that just wouldn't work with "Grab Sheldon, put him on his knees and and make him pleasure you till he begs for more" advice Penny gave her. Amy filed the advice with the other nuggets of fool's gold from Penny: Get Sheldon "drunk as sailor and he will get that ship in port", and "dress like thot and he will tie that love knot". She couldn't take advice from her friends concerning her unique situation. Amy Farrah Fowler had to work this out on her own. If she was going dive into this experiment again, she needed clear goggles to see through the murky waters of its parameters. Amy resigned herself to the fact that this was clinical coitus, not some hippy love fest.

Amy initially thought their dalliance would bear some fruit off the defoliated affection tree. Coitus was supposed to bring them together emotionally like the mere spark of it would set Sheldon's dry kindling of arousal on fire. Amy let loose a disenchanted snort, and thought maybe Sheldon wasn't that far off from other men who viewed sex as just the act of "getting off" and not the emotional connection shared by two people in love. In fact, that was it, in a nut shell: Amy wanted coitus to prove that Sheldon loved her. She wanted the validation. When it was clinical, when it was cold, and bereft of affection or emotional connection, it confirmed that Sheldon really didn't love her. That's what Amy feared.

As she splashed warm bath water over her face, she lightly touched her lips and remembered Sheldon's kiss. Amy felt that connection she craved when he kissed her. Sex should have amplified that, instead, it smashed into shattered bits of bone splitting disappointment. However, his smile when he kissed her, that was what she needed. It might be all she needed.

She still wasn't sure what she was going to say at Sheldon's the next day. Around 6:30 PM, as she was settling in with a fresh cup of tea, she received a text from him.

_S- I hope you are feeling better and have eaten something more than just that watery soup I made you. Since this will be first time you are spending the night, we will first go through the safety procedures and requirements in the morning. If you have any dietary requirements other than the ones I know about, please specify them and I will make sure I have anything you require. _

Amy shook her head and texted back:

_A-Your attention to detail is unparalleled, Dr. Cooper._

__S—Thank you. I hope to put it to good use tomorrow.__

_A—I am feeling better, thank you. I do not require anything, except an open mind from you._

_S- You always have that, or we wouldn't be doing this in first place._

Amy looked down at her phone, and paused. He was right, he did have open mind concerning this experiment. If the same suggestion happened years ago, it would have been handily dismissed. He was more open to the idea, and in fact, he had mentioned sex lately. Of course it was to simply dismiss it as Amy's one track mind, but she knew he was the one bringing it up. Interesting, Amy thought, as she sipped her tea.

_A-Fair point. See you tomorrow, Dr. Cooper._

_S-Pleasant dreams Dr. Fowler._

The next day around 8:52 AM, Sheldon paced around the apartment while waiting for Amy to arrive. Sheldon stayed up late researching some methods on how women achieve orgasm, but most of the sites were too disgusting to even mention to Amy and frankly, caused Sheldon to gag. Leonard's infernal book was no help either. It involved loads of kissing and unsanitary touching that Sheldon hadn't written in the experiment. Last night, Leonard's tried to give suggestions, but Sheldon cringed at the mere suggestion of placing his tongue near parts unknown. Sheldon was also surprised to hear a woman's nipples could be so sensitive, however it all sounded like kissing.

_"Well, it's not really kissing."_

_"It sounds like kissing, just further south."_

_Leonard cocked his head, and thought about it, "No, more like suckling, like a chocolate dipped ice cream cones when the tip is hard." _

_"Oh man, now I want ice cream."_

_"Sheldon, focus, I am trying to help you here..." Sheldon had already headed toward the freezer to fulfill his new found craving._

_Leonard shook his head, "Did you even try and read the book, Sheldon!"_

After his bowl of ice cream and a stern lecture from Leonard, Sheldon realized soon enough he was going to have to do some touching in order to achieve the desired results. However, Sheldon just couldn't manhandle Amy all over. She would belt him across the mouth; he remembered the TSA story. He needed data from the source. Only Amy could tell him what caused her to orgasm.

Leonard, his ever officious friend, kept pushing the kissing. It was like coitus couldn't happen with kissing! Kissing wasn't bad, Sheldon thought, it was just not for this endeavor. It was special and not for a science experiment. If this experiment didn't work, and he was able to worm his way out of a physical relationship, he still thought he would ask Amy to leave kissing on date nights in their agreement. It wasn't unpleasant and Sheldon had become accustomed to it. That was the most he was willing to admit to himself. At least, he hoped, he wouldn't have to hold hands anymore; a loathsome practice he was definitely not a fan of in particular.

* * *

At 9:01 AM, Sheldon rushed to the door when he heard the three rapid knocks. He took a deep breath, opened the door to greet Amy Farrah Fowler, bag in hand and half smile on her face. Sheldon couldn't help but smile back.

"Hello Amy Farrah Fowler, please come in." Sheldon took her bag and put it in Leonard's room. He returned to find Amy sitting her spot and wringing her hands. "Would you like a beverage Amy?"

"Yes please." Sheldon made Amy a tea and cut her a piece of sourdough bread he had made for her. He knew she didn't eat well yesterday. "Here Amy, eat this. I made it for you."

Amy breathed in the heavenly scent. She hadn't eaten other than the soup Sheldon made her yesterday. She was famished and the bread was a welcome comfort on her stomach of butterflies.

Sheldon sat in his spot and looked awash with guilt, "Amy, I must confess, I have violated the non-disclosure agreement. I may have inadvertently told Penny and Leonard…" Amy cut him off before he botched his confession.

"I aware of you inability to keep your trap shut, Sheldon. Frankly, I'm a little surprised you were duped so easily. However, after Penny's performance yesterday in my apartment, I shouldn't wonder she drug it out of you. That goddess could get a confession from the Pope. And don't forget, we will have to deal with the aftermath." She took another bite of the delicious bread which was gone too soon.

"Yes, well, our Flibbertigibbet friend is quite the scandalmonger."

"True that...And as we have discovered the last time we" Amy held up her hands to make quote signs, "'had coitus', the rate of gossip transmission is proportional to the number of nodes squared, therefore, we should expect to hear from Bernadette and Howard within the hour. I expect the lunch lady will know by Monday afternoon."

"Well, I tried to keep the details to a minimum… I've been told, however, that plastic sheets are not appropriate for coitus, and I wanted to let you know, I have removed them from the experiment parameters. Please forgive that oversight." Sheldon hung his head, embarrassed by his blunder, but still did not grasp why the bedding was so unwelcome.

"Thank you. But Sheldon, there was so much wrong with Coitus yesterday, I don't know where to begin" Amy needed to educate her clueless boyfriend.

"Well, you will be happy to hear, I also have included, some … additional … parameters.. that might help your problem."

Amy raised her eye to Sheldon to match her ire, "My problem? Really?"

"Yes, Amy. You are the one who is finding it difficult to um… get excited.. by me… I on the other hand, have no problems in that area. I'm trying not to be offended, but I find…"

Amy almost slammed the cup down on the glass table, "Hold up pal, you are saying I am not attracted to you? That's the problem? Are you serious?"

"Amy I don't want to fight, but facts are facts. I was able to get aroused, I was able to perform. You on the other hand, were not. It seems apparent you are not aroused by me."

"Oh no brother, you're not turning this around on me! You could have gotten excited by any means!"

Sheldon snorted at her outburst, "Any means? HA! You have no idea what I had to go through to do that, Amy. I had to talk myself into that all week. It was only when I saw you that I…" Sheldon cut off his tirade before he confessed something he hadn't had a chance to process. "Anyway, we need to explore the conditions that make you aroused. I have a questionnaire that I want to give you. Also, we need to do the emergency drill. Oh, and I'm making grilled cheese for lunch!" Sheldon popped up to get the clipboard.

"Sheldon, we really need to talk. Don't you think you are splitting hairs. I mean so what if I didn't orgasm, will still had coitus! That's good enough."

'Good enough? Ha! I guess I have to be the feminist in this relationship. Your arousal is an integral part of the criteria. If you don't have an orgasm, there will be doubts as to the validity of the experiment. It is non-optional."

Amy looked softer at her boyfriend with concerned eyes, "I don't think we should continue this. I am worried that it will harm our relationship, and I won't jeopardize…"

Sheldon stopped mid stride and his arms fell to his sides like they were made of lead, "Amy, we are doing this to prove we have a strong relationship. We have to know Amy, I .. have to know. It's too late, I'm sorry." Sheldon continued walking over his spot and sat down. Amy watched his face as he readied his pen and paper. "Sheldon, I think we.. I made an assumption that I shouldn't have. Coitus shouldn't be used for science. It is too close, the touching, the eye contact, the blending of two people… It is …" Sheldon cut her off mid-sentence by sitting up and moving toward her. His emphatic response was a surprising revelation to Amy.

"Why do you think I tried so hard to create an environment that took those variables out of the equation? I knew you would not want our experiment to be tainted. You are an impeccable scientist, Amy, and I made sure the experiment would stand up to your scrutiny. I probably should have checked on the sheets seeing as you were lying on them, sorry." Sheldon ended sheepishly.

Amy sat back on the couch, confused, and irritated. However, she didn't forget that he was aroused by her, a fact that was lost in the swamp of disappointment she waded through. Before she had a chance to process the information, Sheldon returned to his business on the clip board sitting in his lap.

"Now, Amy. You must be honest or this won't work. I know these are uncomfortable topics, but we need to find out what conditions you can achieve arousal. So let's begin… When was the first time you experienced sexual arousal?"

Amy was not expecting a sex confessional to her once celibate boyfriend. "oh.. I don't know… I mean around 12 I guess."

"Was it from someone specific. And if so what gender?"

Amy was thinking back to Bon Jovi on stage, but she said, "No one I knew.. and it was a male…"

"When did you first orgasm and under what conditions."

"Look, is this really necessary, Sheldon? Why don't we just find out what makes me aroused today?"

"Wish I knew sister, we could get this whole mess over with in time for tea." Sheldon put down the clip board.

Amy glared at him and spit his name through her teeth, "Well, Sheldon… If you bothered to ask, we would be done by now, wouldn't we. I guess it was too much for you to think of someone else for once… You know what.. I'm done with this…"

Amy stood up and grabbed her purse, heading to the door. Sheldon shot up after her and grabbed her from behind by her hips to stop her. His face was in her hair, he couldn't help sniffing in her perfume. "Amy… Please, I'm trying to ask now, so … We need to do this." A tingling feeling shot down his body and his felt his pulse rise.

Amy tensed up from her anger, but was softening by his touch. She turned around and looked him in the eye hoping for more understanding. She saw confusion and hardened resolve. "Fine.. But no more comments on my "_Performance_!"

Sheldon let her go, "Deal. Now please, sit."

"Fine…" Amy went over to the couch and picked up his clip board. Most of his questions had to do with history, like he was doing a differential on arousal. She picked up a pen and filled out the questions, not wanting to hear Sheldon's voice anymore for the moment. While she was working, Sheldon studied her. He loved her hand writing, it was so much better than his and easier to read. She had a way with words; blunt, and to the point, yet each one dense with meaning. She handed the board back to Sheldon and grabbed her tea.

Sheldon looked over the survey and one point in particular caught his eye. The only time Amy had arousal in the last 3 years was thinking of Sheldon. Some occurrences in a dream, or when he was working. He had no idea she was so aroused by him, in particular his scent and his intellect were key factors. She also found this arousal was more potent after sleeping. Her most aroused time in the last 3 years was when Sheldon gave her a spanking.

"Really, Amy, you weren't supposed to enjoy that! No wonder you had no trouble lying to me again when you went out with Bernadette." Sheldon had a cross look during his scolding.

"I told you spank me harder, you didn't listen. Whose fault was that?" Amy smirked in her tea as Sheldon looked at the clip board. "Fair point, Fowler. " He continued to read the page. He noted her breasts were her most erogenous zone but ignored the part of about french kissing. "Okay, we can work with this."

"Glad I could oblige…" Amy was not feeling aroused by Sheldon right now. Frankly, she wanted to throw the clip board at his head. She was curious what he had in store for the weekend.

"Okay. One more thing. I was thinking that one of the reasons you weren't aroused was due to the position."

"It wasn't the position, Sheldon. It was the lack of foreplay, pure and simple."

"Well regardless, I wanted to show you some alternatives I think we could try, you know… To make it easier."

"How exactly are you going to show me… Oh my!" Sheldon popped open his Ipad and pulled up a Joy of Sex book from 1973. The long hair and thick mustache's were as laughable as the look on Sheldon's face. "Believe me, this was the most tame picture I could find without paying. Jeez, one search on woman's arousal during coitus, and Google thinks I'm some kind of sex pervert. Anyway. I was thinking we should do this one." Sheldon pointed to a woman on top of man, straddling his him. Her back was arched back, and his hands were on her breasts.

"Sheldon, why would you pick this one?"

"Well, it seems the woman is in control. So, then if you are uncomfortable, or the angle is wrong, or whatever else could go wrong, it's your fault, not mine."

Amy looked again at the picture, and bit her lower lip unconsciously while she thought about it. Sheldon watched her mouth and waited for her reaction. "Hmmm. Although, I don't like your shirking responsibility, maybe this would work. But Sheldon, you do notice, in the picture…" Amy pointed to the man touching the woman's breasts.

Sheldon shifted and took in a deep breath, "Yes, well, based off your survey, I think we might have to add parameters. However, there will be stages…" Sheldon sat quietly, looking out in the room while he processed the information Amy gave him. Amy was busy thumbing through the pictures on his Ipad. She stopped at the picture of the man from behind and thought back to her spanking. Sheldon saw her smirk and noted the page. He loved getting more data.

Amy caught him looking and put down the Ipad, quickly. He looked back at her with a determined stare, "Okay, I've got it. Are you ready to get your world rocked on this couch? And I don't mean Raider's this time!" Sheldon looked giddy as he rose from the couch and walked to the closet.

Amy looked confused as her eyes followed her lanky boyfriend, " Depends, Sheldon what do you have in mind?"

Sheldon pulled out a game board with a grid, a chess clock and two small leather pouches. He placed the items on the table, and delicately pulled the string holding the pouch open while he spoke in a low husky voice, "Well, Dr. Fowler, what do you say to a game of… " He grabbed her hand and poured while small stones into her palm, "Go! It's an ancient game from China that takes minutes to learn and life time to master. "

"We don't have a life time, Sheldon. You want this over by tomorrow."

"Frankly, I mastered it in a week, but I digress. "

Amy looked over her glasses and deep panned stared at Sheldon, " You want to play a game to get me aroused?"

"Oh, I see you don't get it. Let me explain. It's not just any game…It makes chess seem like chutes and ladders. The mechanics are simple, you place a stone on the board, and then I do, and repeat. The goal is to capture territory. Here is what a game might look like later, see the empty spots? That is the territory for the white player." Sheldon moved closer to Amy, he was talking in a very low voice and watching her eyes as he spoke, "And this is the black's territory."

Amy was intrigued by the game but confused as to its effect on her arousal. "Sheldon, it's not the game, how is this supposed to arouse me?"

"You listed that you are aroused by intellectual prowess and memory. Frankly, it is no wonder that you haven't jumped my bones years ago. "

Amy narrowed her eyes at Sheldon, "I not wondering that, now."

Missing her sarcasm, "Well, slow down Amy, I'm not quite there yet." Amy rolled her eyes and stared at him, unamused.

Sheldon smiled proudly at his girlfriend, "I knew a simple game wouldn't do it for ya, Fowler. We have to enhance it." He raised his eyes up and down seemingly seductively. Amy was still unimpressed. "Still waiting for my world to be rocked here, Sheldon. Steady as ever here…"

Sheldon shook his head, "Of course not, Amy. As I stated, a simple game is probably beneath you. But, what if we modify the rules to enhance the difficulty. As the game progresses, each turn, you offer a trivia question to the opposing player. Additionally, each player only gets 1 minute to answer hence the chess clock. It has to be in the realm of physics or biology and the topper, we have to your use your made up language to answer. If you get it wrong, you lose a piece, and possibly, lose territory."

As Sheldon was describing the game, Amy moved closer to him, as if his deep husky words were undressing her. She loved games, adored trivia and treasured her made up language. She was already feeling warmer and she licked her lips with delight. _Damn him, he can't be wrong. This is working_. "Okay Sheldon, It's on!"

Forty five minutes later, Sheldon was frustrated and irritated, however, Amy was getting aroused with each turn. Sheldon was loosing his shirt, and this gave Amy an idea, "You know Sheldon, this game could be enhanced even further and augment our ultimate goal of arousal.

Sheldon took in a deep breath, "Well, Amy, seeing as you own half the board, and I am down to 12 liberties, I am unclear as to how you could enhance it even more." Sheldon was not used to losing at Go to anyone. _Boy, she picked up on this fast!_

Amy got a smirk, "Well, if you lose a Ko fight, you have to take off an article of clothing."

Sheldon raised his brows at Amy and dropped his jaw, "Amy, I would be naked by now!"

"Then we start over and you better bring your A game, here Cooper. Feces just got real!"

"OH, it's on!

Ko fights are rare in Go. It happens when one piece is cornered on three side and the other player is also cornered. There is fight for the same open space and the player is not allowed to return the board to the previous position. There has to be a change on the board. The players go back and forth fighting for the space till it is strategic to allow the other player to win. Sheldon was so stubborn in not wanting to lose a Ko fight, he gave up territory, lost pieces he shouldn't have, and was losing even more than the first game. However, he had managed, somehow to position himself in as many Ko fights as he could. Amy had removed her cardigan, her blouse, her skirt and her tights. She only had her bra, cotton shirt and panties left however her smug feeling kept her warm.

"Dr. Cooper, you are quite clothed, I must say. I hope all that cotton will help dry the tears of your defeat." Amy crossed her legs and gave Sheldon a toothy grin. His concentration was diverted between watching Amy's legs, and thinking of the how to translate the word Immunocytochemistry Into Op language. He had to get her off her game.

Sheldon lowered his voice and looked at Amy with devilish smirk,

"_My husband he shall have it, eve and morrow,_  
_When he's pleased to come forth and pay his debt._  
_I'll not delay, a husband I will get "_

Amy looked at Sheldon and jetted out her jaw, "Quoting Chaucer, Ay Cooper?"

Sheldon was not abated by her, He continued:

_Who shall be both my debtor and my thrall  
And have his tribulations therewithal  
Upon his flesh, the while I am his wife_.

You know, It's much better in the original Middle English…" Amy's dismissive tone attempted hide her arousal from his incomparable memory, but it was a lost cause. Between being almost naked, winning at their stimulating game and his bellowing voice, she was almost ready to give in. She had asked him to read Chaucer, but they never discussed it. She underestimated how thorough Sheldon Cooper does his home work. Sheldon's leaned forward and whispered to her:

_I have the power durynge al my lyf  
Upon his propre body, and noght he.  
Right thus the apostel tolde it unto me;  
And bad oure housbondes for to love us weel.  
Al this sentence me liketh every deel -  
Up stirte the pardoner, and that anon: _

Sheldon leaned back, and crossed his arms, "I believe it your turn, Dr. Fowler…"

Amy quivered at his voice, but she had a raging debate in her mind. Should she? That was the only question she needed to answer. The next time was going to be for her. Did she want it? Sheldon lowered his head and opened his blue eyes to her, waiting for a reply. Answer: "Yep, that did it, Let's go." Amy grabbed his hand and pulled him off couch.

"But Amy, we haven't finished the game!" Sheldon stopped and looked at the board but then saw Amy's walking toward the bedroom. "I forfeit." He rushed down the hall.

He walked nervously to the bedroom, and Amy was waiting at the door. "Remove you all clothing and lie on the bed. I will give you 1 minute. Also, put on a condom and lubricate yourself. " Sheldon just stood there staring at Amy. "Chop Chop, Cooper, science waits for no man." Amy closed the door.

Sheldon took a huge swallow and undressed. He carefully folded his clothes and climbed into bed. He fumbled for the condom and lubricant quickly. He was thankful yet flummoxed why for some reason he didn't have to down a gallon of chocolate milk or a case of brownies to achieve arousal. He had barely a few seconds to think of trains before Amy bursts through the door.

"Could you turn off the light?" Sheldon asked in a small voice. His hands were grasping the covers to hide his chest. He was prone in the middle of the bed, lying stiff, wide eyed and quivering slightly.

"Nope, I need to see your eyes for this to work."

"What do my eyes have to do with it? Will it help your inchoate sex drive?"

Amy placed her hands on her hips, "MY WHAT?"

"Well, Amy is seems.. Oh my!" Amy had pulled off her panties in a swift motion. She quickly pulled back the covers and climbed on top of an aroused Sheldon. He could feel her warm thighs on either side of his legs. She kept her weight off him as she used her knees to hoist her up. Amy was careful and leaned forward slightly to position herself at a more comfortable angle. A moment later, she had slowly but adeptly had Sheldon surrounded.

During the first terrible botched event, Sheldon had barely felt her body. This time, Amy had gone even deeper and he felt every sensation. This time, he could see her: Her glasses were removed, her hair was free and as she leaned forward, Sheldon took in a deep sniff of her familiar aroma.

Amy leaned back and rose up on her hips slightly and then down again on Sheldon. She wasn't sure what to do, but she felt her hips would guide her. "Now what were you saying about my inchoate sex drive?"

"Umm…. " He had words, but they ran away from his brain, along with any blood that was once there. Sheldon drew in a sharp, deep breath as she rose up again and lowered slowly. "I thought you were.." He let out a small whimper that surprised him as Amy rose and lowered on him again.

Amy was slow, careful and tried to concentrate as she gingerly set the pace. She was enjoying the feeling, but it was still so new. She noted that Sheldon's wide eyes watched her every move, but she was busy. Once she was comfortable, she leaned back and pulled off her blouse, grabbed Sheldon's hands and placed them on her bra covered breasts. He just held like two water balloons he just caught, afraid they would break. He was frozen in confusion.

He was getting overly excited and he would be done in far too soon. Distraction was key. He knew he should change the subject. "Amy, how will you know if… " He lets out another whimper and can't finish his sentence.

Amy rises and lowered on him. The rhythm was easier, but she was still going slow. She found that rocking her hips back and forth was pleasant. Sheldon sniffed sharp breathes through his nose, but Amy his focus on the feeling and his question. "Well, it will feel like a constriction. Here, like this…" Amy tightened her kegel muscles in a pulsing, throbbing pattern. It was something she learned long ago from her Aunt Flora's remedy for incontinence, and it also happened to mirror a woman's orgasm.

Sheldon felt a tightening sensation around him like every inch was being milked. The feeling overwhelmed him, pulsing unstoppable pleasure through him. He tried to hold back, but the dam was broken with her demonstration, her aroma and the feel of her soft breast under his naïve palms. Sheldon's mouth opened uncontrollably as his head pushed back in his pillow. He heard a strange erotic guttural sound echoing in his ears. He hoped it was from Amy,but he was wrong; It was from his throat. He snapped his head forward to feel the full weight of Amy Farrah Fowler, hands on hips, head hunched down, and narrowed glaring eyes. He looked away and said,"Drats"

"Seriously? Who's got an inchoate sex drive? Ug!" Amy popped off Sheldon as he held the condom on him trying to hide his embarrassment. Amy picked up her underwear and blouse, and walked out of the room. All Sheldon could hear was her frustrated sigh, a harrumph and the door slam. But what he couldn't get out of his head was that sound that came from his own mouth.


	6. Chapter 6:More than 1 way to skin a cat

**Schrödinger's Coitus: ****There's more than one way to skin a cat**

Sheldon jumped in the shower to wash away his embarrassment; the streams of water scalded his back a lobster red color which matched perfectly with his crimson face and ears.

How could he have lost control so completely? During his first attempt at coitus, he tried to make it over as quickly as possible because he assumed, incorrectly, that Amy had had an orgasm, and the deed was done. That was what he told himself. Truth was, he had no idea what she felt, and he was in no more control of his body then as he was 10 minutes ago under her. He had to regain his perceived control. After he exhausted all the hot water, he emerged reluctantly from the shower and dressed. He sheepishly scurried to the living to find Amy, dressed, hot tea in hand, glasses perched on her nose. She was writing on his clip board when his movements drew her attention up to him. She said nothing at first, just handed him a hot beverage. Then, she just looked at the kitchen and back to Sheldon. Ah, yes he remembered, grilled cheese lunch was promised.

Quietly, he worked on lunch while Amy used his Ipad. He had no idea what she was doing, writing or researching. He was just happy she didn't want to discuss the incident. She was lost in thought, and silent as a monk. Sheldon offered a plate to her, and they sat next each other as hushed chewing sounds filled the void. After lunch, and clean up, she graciously broke the deafening silence with a question. After she spoke, Sheldon prayed for the silence back.

"Sheldon, we need to discuss your over active sex drive." Amy picked up the clip board and pencil, "So tell me Sheldon, when was the first time you achieved sex arousal?"

"Excuse me, my what?" Sheldon almost choked on his water, Amy patted his back to clear the passage.

"Sheldon, it's obvious you have an overly active sex drive, and frankly, have for a long time. You have suppressed it and it has caused you tremendous anxiety which has manifested in premature ejaculation during intercourse."

"Well I hardly think that is the case!"

"Well it's either that or you have latent Oedipal issues or you've had an injury to your nucleus paragigantocellularis."

Sheldon looked nervous and swallowed, "Okay, let's go with the first one then."

Amy picked up the clipboard, and with all the detachment of a Kinsey report clinician, she started her survey: "When was your first sexual arousal, was it from a person, if so, what gender?"

"What? What do you mean if it was a person? What else would be?" Sheldon held his empty water bottle to his chest as if it would protect his innocence.

"Well, Sheldon, not everyone is aroused by normal stimulants. Some people achieve arousal from inanimate objects, smells, even animals."

Sheldon looked mortified, "Animals, inanimate objects? My god, Amy, what were you researching using my Ipad? Do I need to clear my browser history?" Sheldon snatched his Ipad out of her hands. Amy bit her lip, desperately trying not to laugh. She was having a little too much fun with Sheldon.

"Well, back to business… Your answer?"

Sheldon looked wide eyed at Amy. He didn't want to admit what made him aroused. He didn't even understand it. Any time he was aroused, he ignored it. Lately, it seemed it was everywhere: Brownies, trains, cranberry juice, and yellow shoes. He couldn't enjoy some video games, Super Mario brothers excited him, Wii skiing was impossible and for some unknown reason, the act of throwing dice made him aroused. It was strange and he feared he had deep psychological problems. He had to deflect her, but she was zeroed in on her target and her questions were like missiles locked on him."Sheldon?"

"Amy, wouldn't a better use of our time go toward figuring out how to fix the problem. It seems all this history is unnecessary."

"Sheldon, unless we know what makes you aroused, and limit it, you could have this problem again, and we will never finish. Is that what you want?"

He was a second away from saying yes. For some reason, his mouth opened to form the Y, but he quickly caught it, and pulled back. He sat back on his spot and slumped, "No, I guess we need to figure this out. Or you need to hurry up!"

"Chin up, Sheldon. Some woman cannot have an orgasm through sexual penetration. At all!"

"I know… I am worried that's you…" He glared over at her.

She glared back, "While some men… Let's just say, they don't have that problem." She tapped his shoulder, in patronizing comfort. He glowered at her with suppressed anger which was escaping through his twitching brow.

Amy took a deep breath, "So, how often do you masturbate?"

Sheldon shot up off the couch, "Amy, I can't talk to you about that! That's not what this is about!"

Amy sat back, "Well, that's too bad you won't help me with the research. You might regret that when I have to do it with no guidance." Amy picked up her tea and watched Sheldon stop suddenly. He didn't turn around as he asked his next question, "Umm, do what?"

Amy bit her lip again, "Sheldon, in order for you to keep an erection for a longer time, we have to practice which entails you almost reaching climax and then pull back your virile sex drive. Then we have to do it over and over and over again…"Each time Amy said over, she made the sound a little louder. Sheldon shuttered at the sound, but didn't turn around. He was frozen staring at the kitchen, listening to her words. " Until you can keep an erection long enough for me to catch up."

The parameters of the experiment were spiraling out of Sheldon's control, but he couldn't help his curiosity. He finally turned around, "Ummm. How would that be achieved?"

"Well, we need to find out what stimulates you, then measure your response time of erection verses climax. Then increase or decrease stimulation until you can adjust that response time. Boy howdy, would I have to hook up your brain to the equipment I have a work! The things I can to a Star Fish, would make Hugh Hefner blush! I could really get you motor running if I could just insert an electrode…"

Sheldon jumped back, "No one is inserting anything in my anywhere!"

Amy cocked her head, "But Sheldon, it's for science!"

He squealed, "I don't care, there are certain things you don't do for science."

Amy put her cup down on the table, and rose from the couch. "Exactly, Dr. Cooper. My point exactly." She walked over to him, and laid her hand on his arm. "**That** is what I should have said last Thursday. Please don't feel you have to continue this experiment, Sheldon. I think we have enough data to make a decision, don't you?" She was offering him an out. He didn't have to continue, he was free. They could decide without further experiments.

Sheldon drew in a deep breath, and held her arms. It was soft touch, barely registering on her skin, but it was enough to stop her indefinitely till he removed them, "Amy. I know you are trying to be nice. And I appreciate it. But we need more data to decide. I will do my part with the required efficacy. I promise." Sheldon's blue eyes looked for perceived de rigueur forgiveness for his performance that Amy knew she needed to give.

"Sheldon. don't worry about earlier. It was so much better than the first time."

"Really?"

"Well, you set the bar pretty low, but yes. I was well on my way to orgasm. I do think I will be able to achieve orgasm by penetration."

Sheldon was elated, "Great! Because I read the other stuff we would have to do, and.."

"Yes, Sheldon, I know you couldn't handle that..."

"Well, I would like to say I could handle anything, but I had to think of trains for week just to do what I did, so I…"

"Trains?" Amy walked over her clip board, 'Interesting…"

_Oh boy…._

After a hot beverage, a discussion of Sheldon's love of trains and a few chocolate chip cookies, Amy and Sheldon were ready to discuss the experiment again.

"Sheldon, it seems you have no problem with arousal. Can you tell me, specifically, which part of the body you find the most stimulating?"

Sheldon was uncomfortable with this discussion, but Amy promised no more electrodes or references to farm animals. "I would have to say… Buttocks." Amy raised her brow in surprise, "Hey don't judge me! It is an ingrained response. You know a large hind quarters on a female is indicative of her potential for childbearing. It just our biological imperative at work."

"Well, given my hips and butt, I could pop out a soccer team and still be home for tea!" Amy laughed but Sheldon looked at her in horror. "Moving on…" She took her pencil and tapped the paper, "What objects have stimulated you lately?"

"Amy! I thought you were going to drop the disgusting innuendos and kinky talk?"

Amy had to laugh at her poor naive boyfriend, "Sheldon! It's not kinky! It's your brain associating objects with desire. If you are stimulated by a coffee cup, it doesn't mean you want to have sex with a coffee cup! It means you have a memory associated with the object that could indict what aroused you."

Sheldon looked intrigued, "So it doesn't mean you starting going to kinky coffee cup conventions in Vegas scamming for dates?"

"God no, Sheldon! What kind of crazy research have you been doing? It's normal. So, any things that you associate with arousal?"

Sheldon sat frozen and didn't answer. He was thinking of the list from earlier. Amy leaned forward, "Like trains, perhaps?" Sheldon was still frozen, thinking of dice and yellow shoes and Mario and cranberries and arousal. _Oh boy_…. "Or something else?" Sheldon was stone and Amy took a sledge hammer to it, "SHELDON! I told _you_ everything!"

Her bellowing voice broke him, "Fine! I seem to get aroused about trains. There. I said it outright! Happy?."

"The motion? Or the actual Train?"

"Well, I do love looking at them, but no, it is the motion." Sheldon shot up, "Want more cookies? I think I might have some brownies in here, Oh look! I do!" Sheldon stayed in the kitchen, holding the box close to his chest and while he watched Amy. The brownie being stuffed in his mouth wasn't helping him, but her bending over and picking up the pencil she dropped was even worse.

"Amy.. Are you willing to try our experiment again? Like now?"

"Now? Well, okay… I guess. Can I have a brownie first?"

"OH sure sorry, here." Sheldon, brought over the brownies and sat with Amy. While she ate, she thought about he said, "Sheldon, when did this train arousal state occur? When you were an adolescent?"

Sheldon watched her lick the brownie off her lips, and he stuffed another bite in his mouth and swallowed hard, "No, I wasn't aroused by trains. It is a recent development. Maybe my train trip rewired my brain." He smelled the sweet aroma off the brownie, as he watched her eat the confection. She had dropped a crumb on her cardigan. He reached over with a napkin and wiped it off, but he lingered too long not to be noticed. Amy looked at him, "Um… Maybe we should try our experiment again…"

Sheldon looked at her, "Um, sure." He noticed his hand was still on her sweater, he pulled it back quickly. "How will we address your issue?"

Amy rolled her eyes. "How will we address yours?"

"Well, you are stimulated by pheromones and dreams… Hmmm. Let's take a nap!"

"WHAT?"

"Let's take a nap together. I will work on not thinking of… trains… And you, well.. Smell me and dream.. " Amy looked unimpressed, and Sheldon raised his hands up, "That's all I got sister, take it or leave it!"

"Fine!" Amy picked up her water glass and took it swig like it was whiskey.

"Oh, and we should be in the same bed, naked."

Amy choked on her water and almost spit it out. Sheldon patted her back to clear the passage. "I'm sorry.. What did you say?"

"Well, you are aroused by pheromones for some strange reason…"

"It's not strange, Train boy… its simple biology…"

"ANYWAY! If we nap together, you will be swimming in mine. I don't know if I will like yours, but you have nice smelling hair, so at least that won't make me sick."

"Gee, thanks. Get back to the naked part.."

"Well, when you have your dream, we will be ready. No need to lose time with getting undressed, and such. Also, the pheromones will be stronger." Sheldon stood up and held out his hand for Amy, "Let's go, for some reason I'm exhausted this afternoon."

Amy looked at Sheldon's outstretched hand, and hooded eyes. He was tired, probably from the sexual activity. Amy knew the brain chemistry behind sexual arousal. He would sleep with her, really sleep. It was more stimulating than any romance novel she ever read. It was better than sex.

Amy and Sheldon went to his room, and sat on the bed facing opposite directions. Neither looked at each other. The light was off, and the blinds were drawn, but the daylight was permeating through the thin covering. It was a flicker of light, kind of like candles.

Sheldon was undressed first, and got under the covers. He watched Amy reach behind her back and undo her bra clasp. Her hair danced over her pale back. She didn't turn around when she was naked, she just reached a hand back, pulled back the blanket and pulled it up to cover her shoulders. Their bodies didn't touch, but Amy could smell his scent all around her and it was driving her crazy. _Damn, that man can't be wrong…_

Amy felt the heat off his body. He was lying face up, his arms tucked the blanket to the sides. He was trying not to think of trains, but the smell of her hair and the taste of brownies reminded him of their trip. He wanted to kiss her before he slept. He would never presume to even ask.

Amy heard his heavy breath and slowly turned around. He was fast asleep. She spent a few minutes watching his chest rise and fall, memorizing his naked neck and upper chest not covered by the blankets. She fell asleep listening to his breathing.

Amy woke up in a start. Sheldon had turned and was holding her waist. His body was fused with her back and she could feel his arousal on her buttocks. She was very curious about it. She had never felt a man's penis before, so she reached around her back and lightly glazed her finger tips over it. It twitched and Sheldon let out a minuscule stifled moan. She touched it again, just slightly, same result. _Fascinating_. Feeling his body next to hers, smelling his aroma, and hearing his moans were creating favorable conditions for Amy's arousal. She wondered if she wrapped her hands around it, if he would wake up. What she didn't know, was he already awake, had been for while and feeling every touch. He kept quiet though, waiting to see what she would do.

Amy ran her closed hand down his length gently, barely touching the side with her skin. Amy couldn't believe how something so hard, could be so soft; the skin was like silk. She moved her hips slightly and pushed back against him. Sheldon felt her soft rounded buttocks against him and the tickle of her hair on his chest. He was losing control, he had to rein in his rampant arousal. Actually, he thought, he had better put it to good use.

Sheldon leaned over Amy's ear, and whispered in a low growl, "Amy, do you want to try the experiment again?"

Amy held her breath. She was caught fondling her boyfriend. She was mortified; she overstepped. However, he was asking about the experiment, so he must be okay. "Yes, that would be good idea."

Sheldon moved closer to her, "Do you want me to recite the first page of your graduate dissertation?"

Amy looked over her shoulder surprised, "You read my doctoral thesis?"

"Yes, when we first met at the coffee shop, I looked it up. Harvard has a marvelous online library of their doctoral candidates work." Sheldon moved a hand to her hip and moved closer to her. He could feel her soft, skin and firm hip bone. Her buttocks was pressed up against him. He moved his hand down slightly her hip, and she let out a moan.

Amy leaned back into his chest more, "I didn't know you read it. Thanks sweet, Sheldon." He felt her breathing through her back, it mirrored his. It was like they were breathing with the same lungs.

"Well I had to know if you were some quack. You know, there are some crazy brain monkeys out there."

Amy laughed and rolled her hips against him. His skin was warm and his roaming hand on her hip was driving her crazy. He had moved his mouth to her ear and his body was fused to her from behind. She tilted her head back more toward his face, "Confession? I read yours too!"

"Which one?"

"Both, and the post doc work, I understood most of it, except I was a little lost on the section concerning the closed string groups verses open string groups." Amy tilted her head so more of Sheldon's face could be near her neck. His voice and breath caused her body to arch against him. She was one word away from jumping on him.

Sheldon moved his mouth so close to her ear, she could feel his lips on her lobe as he spoke, "Well, that becomes important in supersymmetric heterotic string theory, which is…" Sheldon proceeded to explain his post doc work, but Amy was ready after the word: Heterotic. She rocked her hips back against him with every word he spoke. Amy was almost grinding against him when he reached the section on Euler-Lagrange equations. When he started working them out on her hip with his finger like a marker, she almost had an orgasm. Sheldon finally noticed how aroused his girlfriend was and her grinding was helping his concentration.

"Amy, should we try…"

"Yes, oh god, yes…"

"Oh, okay. Um.. which way should we…"

"This way, I want this way." Amy pushed her buttocks back to Sheldon so quickly, he almost fell off the bed. He reached over, applied the condom and came back to hold her hips. Amy lifted a leg and put in on his, spreading herself slightly. The angle was different, but Sheldon was able to find Amy. As soon as he entered her, Amy pushed back against him. He had to grab her hips to hold on. He pushed against her, but the angle was wrong. Amy knew it too. She moved herself slightly on her knees, "Try this."

Sheldon swallowed hard, and followed her lead. He got on his knees and held onto her strong wide hips. He slowly entered her while feeling her skin under his fingers. He could see her hair on her back and her rounded buttocks push against him. He tried to think of something else, anything, as she moved back against him. Her moans were distracting him, as well as his view. The feeling of controlling her hips overshadowed the rehashing of any subject he used to distract himself.

He tried to think of Pokémon, which made him think of Nintendo, Wii Skiing. Amy. She moaned.

He tried to think of rocks, rhymed with sock, sock monkey, Monkeys: Amy. She moaned.

He tried to think of Cows, then milk then butter. Then her yelling to pass it: Amy. She moaned.

He tried to think of ice, sounds like ico, like an icosahedron. 20 sided Dice, D&amp;D: Amy. She moaned again.

Nothing was working, he was getting more excited with each thrust. She moved up slightly, and he heard her say, "Ouch." That did it, he lost his erection. He was done. He popped off her in a start and quickly flipped her over on her back, "Amy are you okay?"

Amy hair laid out around her head like a sunburst. She was out of breath and shocked, "I'm fine Sheldon, just… it hit me wrong, that's all."

He noticed she was naked under him so he pulled the blanket up and covered her with one hand, while his other brushed the hair out of her face. His face was sick with worry. "I'm sorry. I didn't .I mean,I should have.."

Sheldon, I am uninjured. It's fine. " She cupped his face with her hand for a moment, "It's not a problem. I looked it up, since I have a tilted uterus, certain angles are more painful for me. When we have more practice, then it… would… not.." Amy let her voice trail off. They wouldn't have more practice, once the experiment was over, knowing Sheldon, they would not have sex again. That was probably the first and last time they would have sex like that. Amy swallowed, "Anyway, I'm fine I just need a little bit of time to recover."

"Good." Sheldon smiled as she took away his worry. He was not well aware of her naked body under him, "I am glad the nap worked."

Amy looked down, "But I did not.."

"I know… Me either…" Sheldon took a deep breath. Well, there is more one way to skin a cat. We just have to try again later, another way." He looked at her again; her green eyes were sparkling at him and she smiled. He took a big swallow, "I need a shower. Can I take a shower? I would like a shower." Sheldon didn't wait for an answer, he quickly put on his underwear and ran back to the bath.

Sheldon jumped in the shower to wash away his arousal; the streams of freezing water hitting his back like icicles causing a red color which matched perfectly with his crimson face and ears...


	7. Chapter 7: A Game of Cat and Mouse

**A/N: I am loving the response to this story. I wish I could write back the guest reviews. Please don't feel the need to hold back. I know this started off rough. All reviews are welcome because they help me write. I am never offended. NEVER. Now back to the frustrating world of Sheldon Cooper and his overly patient girlfriend, Amy Farrah Fowler. Remember here folks, Angst is the category. **

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Play a Game of Cat of Mouse**

* * *

After his frozen shower, Sheldon wore his warm cotton plaid robe back to the bedroom to find Amy dressed and sitting on the bed with her overnight bag in hand, and a look of worry on her face.

"What's going on, Amy?" He reached for her bag, and held it tightly.

She lightly grabbed the bag out of his hands, "Sheldon, I think it is time that we end this."

"Is this because I hurt you. I am sorry, Amy." Sheldon looked down in disgust with his actions.

"Oh, no no Sheldon. Not at all. I feel fine."

"Really Amy, you're okay?" He grabbed her bag and held it close to his chest.

"Yes, I promise. It's just… I know you are just doing this to prove a point, but I think it is made… We need to…" …Amy swallowed walked one more step toward him and grabbed her bag back, "I am going to make this as plain as I can: We don't have to do this."

Sheldon walked over to her and took her bag, "Amy, you are the one who explained to me my need for closure. You are the one who suggested the science experiment. You are the one who constantly brings up sex.. I have been trying..."

"Whoa, hold up. Me? I bring up sex? When?"

"I think the better question is, when don't you." He grabbed her bag back.

"Hey, memory boy... Mention one time I have brought up sex in the last 4 months."

"This experiment."

"Besides, that obviously… Play fair!"

Sheldon crossed his arms over his chest, "Valentines day."

"Nope, try again."

Sheldon's voice rose up, "You made me go with you for romantic weekend! " His next line was said in a whisper, as if someone would hear, "We kissed!"

"I know we kissed, I was there, but that's not sex. You can have romance with no sex. I got us two rooms. Next." She snatched her bag out of his hands.

Sheldon thought back, "You said we should live together!"

"Sorry pal, we can live together and not have sex. I never said I would have sex with you, just live with you. Next!"

"You said we should cuddle.. "

"Nope."

"That one time you wanted to go on a walk…"

"Try again.."

"But there was…"

"Sorry pal, I have not mentioned sex. You have, however, constantly mention it. I think it is you that has…"

Sheldon yelled, "YOU SAID I LOOKED LIKE SEX ON A STICK! HA!" Sheldon grabbed her bag and held in victory.

Amy shook her head, "Look Sheldon. All this sex talk is getting us nowhere. You don't want to do this, I know it. I don't want to ruin our relationship." She grabbed her bag from his sweating hands and held it close.

"We are testing our relationship Amy. I think we can outlast anything. And I am willing to test that out."

"I don't want to gamble with you." Her voice had a shard of worry and hint of loss from the memory of the summer absence and his epic freak out.

"Amy, this isn't a gambling, this is science."

"Sheldon, we don't have to do this!" Amy voice was quivering now, fear was between the syllables of her every word.

"I think we do." He looked down to voice his confession, "I need to know." His eyes were fixed on an unknown spot on the floor, and his hunched shoulders curved down.

Amy tilted her head and let his words run over her liked melted gold, heavy and rich. She knew she could say anything now, and it could harm him. He was fragile when he confessed his desires. She simply said, "Okay. We will proceed. One more time, then that's it!" And his smile returned.

Sheldon grabbed her bag back and put it down. He kept it in his room by the closet. "Well, we will see if you can keep up…"

"Hey lover boy, I was keeping up just fine!"

Sheldon laughed, "I know. Personal injuries are not a welcome part of any experiment. Which is why I think we should avoid 87.5% of that KamaSutra trash that Koothrapalli is pushing down my throat."

"Pushing down your throat? Sheldon, he mentioned it once, during dinner like 3 years ago."

"Bad enough I had to suffer through sub par Tikka masala, without him bring up that unpleasantness."

Amy shook her head at Sheldon, "You seem to find some of it pleasant enough, Sheldon." He raised his brow at her and crossed his arms.

"This is science Amy. It's not supposed to feel good."

Amy placed her hand on her chest and one out toward Sheldon, "If you don't think science can feel good, than…" She took a dramatic sigh and fake cry, "then I don't even know _**who**_ you _**are**_!"

"HA HA Amy!"

"Well, science can feel good, if you let it…" Amy continued, "Besides, that pushing down your throat thing…is only part of it." Amy winked at him. Sheldon took a deep swallow and look at her lips. She asked, "What numbers do you think we shouldn't do then?"

He didn't answer, he just licked his lips. She noticed he was looking at her breasts. "Sheldon?"

"64."

"What?"

"64 positions, 8 involving…throat.. 12.5%... Anyway, you should take a bath, I will pour you a bath. Then I will get dressed and do laundry while you take your bath." Sheldon almost ran out of the room, then he ran back and threw a robe at her. It was pink and short, 'I borrowed this from Penny for you. Sorry it's so tacky, but she doesn't have your impeccable taste in clothes." He left just a quickly, leaving Amy to undress, yet again in her boyfriend's bedroom, while he dropped compliments on her like little bombs of joy. _Tease_…

Sheldon ran the perfect bath, 103.7 degrees. He returned to find Amy, bare legged, and bending over to put her clothes in the bag. He could see her legs up to her thighs and almost the bottom curve of her buttocks. _Man, that's a short robe. _

"I, um, have your bath ready. It should be the optimal temperature, with a .7 degree variance. Do you require anything?" Sheldon was looking away to seemingly preserve her modesty, but his eyes were on the mirror that had capture her reflection perfectly.

Amy stood up and adjusted her robe, 'Yeah, a robe that is actually a robe, not a summer dress, I mean look at this thing? How do you stay warm with all these ruffles and lace?" Amy turned around to relive the front that was lined with lace ruffles and fake rhinestones. "I mean what are these? Who needs diamonds on their robe? I knew I should have packed my robe!"

Sheldon looked at Amy now that he had permission. The short cut of the robe showed her upper thighs. The material was so thin, Sheldon could see the darkness of her nipples through the fabric. His eyes followed the front deep V to the flimsy tie that cinched in at her waist. Sheldon took a deep swallow, "Yeah, you look… ridiculous."

"Well, thanks. Couldn't I just wear your robe? I like yours." Amy walked over to Sheldon and reached out her hand. As she walked over, the robe opened slightly and he could see even more of her skin exposed. He pulled back, and shielded his robe's tie, never taking his eye off Amy.

"No, this is my robe."

"But once you are dressed, you won't need it!" Amy put her hands on her hips.

"Sorry. I don't like people wearing my clothes, it confuses me."

"What you think you are going to? Start talking to yourself?"

"Something like that, yeah. Anyway. You can use the towel to dry off. This is just to walk around the apartment."

"I KNOW! That is why I want a different robe! I feel like a floozy." Amy looked down, embarrassed.

"Ha! Floozy! Like you could _ever_ be a floozy!" Sheldon was thinking because she had too much class, Amy was thinking he meant because she had no sex appeal. He didn't notice Amy's ire or the steam escaping her ears.

"Just because you don't look at me like that, doesn't mean other men wouldn't. You know what…" Amy untied the robe, and pulled off the flimsy frock and threw it at Sheldon's gawking face, "I don't think I need a robe after all." And she stormed off toward the bath and slammed the door to highlight her point. The robe slowly slipped off his head into his hands as uncovering his frozen expression.

While Amy was cooling off her temper in her hot bath, Sheldon dressed and made his way down to the laundry room. While doing his laundry, Sheldon mind flashed through the events of the day. By the time he finished, he felt like he ran a marathon. He was walking up the stairs when he ran into Leonard on the 2nd floor landing.

"Hello Leonard."

"Hey buddy, I thought you were in the middle of your weekend sweaty love fest with Amy? Why are you doing laundry?"

"First of all, Leonard, It is not a sweaty love fest, as you so crudely put it, it's science. Nothing more. Secondly, it's Saturday, it's laundry night, and has been for over 10 years. Has your recent engagement fried your memory receptors? You should talk to Amy about getting a brain scan. Probably from too much coitus."

"Well, speaking of too much coitus, how's it going?" Leonard raised his eye brows at Sheldon who ignored his glee.

Sheldon almost dropped his basket in fatigue, "Oh Leonard, it's exhausting! It's a never ending session. I try and try and have to repeat it, over and over. I fear this weekend won't be enough. We might have to extend this out."

Leonard rolled his eyes, "You poor thing…"

"Well thanks for asking. Who knew an experiment could be so much work?"

Leonard was holding his hand over his mouth to hide his smirking giggle, "Well, you need to explore all the variables."

"Yes, any good experiment would test all the variables. I just simply don't have enough data. I need more data Leonard."

"You Dawg!"

"Leonard, please… there is no need for canine references here. This is science, nothing more."

Just then, Amy came around the corner of the stairs, dressed and keys in hand.

Sheldon looked shocked to see her, "Amy, what are you doing here?"

"I'm here to do our science experiment, Sheldon, has the coitus fried your memory receptors? We should take a brain scan when we are done. "

Sheldon eyes widened as he realized she heard every word of what he said, "Um.. No I mean, where are you going?"

"Well, Sheldon, you failed to provide dinner for our experiment. A gross oversight and not very hospitable. I am picking up Persian food."

"But I don't know if I like Persian, I've never had it."

"Well, then we will do an experiment. You will be hungry, then you will want to eat. Then you can see it you like it. If you do, you can eat it again. You just need more data, Sheldon. Be back soon." And she continued down the stairs as Sheldon watched her swish down each step. When she was out of sight, Sheldon looked back at Leonard who was grinning ear to ear.

"More data, you dawg!"

Amy returned later to find Sheldon sitting his spot, reading his ipad. When she opened the door, he clumsily tried to turn off the Ipad while placing it face down on the spot next to him. His redden face was met with confusion. "Sheldon, are you alright?"

"Umm. Yes.." He pushed the ipad over more away from him, "Anyway, thank you for getting dinner. I should have thought of it."

"Well, you've had.. other things on your mind. Anyway, I hope you like it."

Sheldon rose timidly, "It's not lamb is it? I hate lamb."

Amy was pulling the boxes out of the bag, she looked at the cabinet, and Sheldon went to retrieve the plates, 'No Sheldon. Although some dishes do have lamb, I didn't order it. I know this is new enough for you without over loading your delicate system. This is not too far off when what you normally eat. Look, rice, with meat kabob and roasted tomatoes."

"What kind of meat kebobs?"

"I got chicken and koobideh . Basically, beef with spices. Oh and I got some pita bread and this stuff is like tzatziki."

"This looks like Greek food, Amy. I swore I would never have Greek after that Priya fiasco."

"Sheldon, it's not Greek. Look, don't eat this. She pulled away a container filled with a while sauce with bits of cucumber, "The yogurt, then you can choose what you like."

"But if it traditionally comes with it, don't have to eat it that way."

"No way, Sheldon, you're the boss of your own mouth. Hell, grab a piece of plain bread and make it like a hot dog."

"Can I put mustard on it?"

"No… that haram." Amy winked at him. "Just kidding. Do what you want Just figure out what you want, and eat that. But you will never know unless you try. I never had this kind of food before I went to the Mid East, Fasil's would put out a huge Mezze, of all kinds of dishes…"

"Mezze?"

"Umm. Like Appetizers. Anyway, some I liked some I didn't, but I tried them all. So the next time, I knew. Just enjoy it." Amy handed him a plate and Sheldon plied on the rice and the chicken. The meat had a strange aroma, hints of mint and coriander. He tried a small piece of the beef and some of the tomato; it was savory and not too salty. After a few minutes, Sheldon took another piece of the koobideh , then another, until he ate the whole thing.

"Well?" Amy looked at Sheldon's empty plate.

"Not bad, I guess I could say it was food."

"Oh really? _Food_ that you ate like it was your last meal. I think you liked more than you want to admit."

"Maybe, but I don't want you to get a big head or think we will eat this every night."

"Nope, you got mix it up. Now, speaking of mixing it up, what's next on the agenda?" Amy rose and grabbed Sheldon's empty plate to take to the kitchen. He watched her walk over to the sink as his eyes glazed over, he was lost in thought.

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm not sure… What were you saying we needed to do over and over again?"

Amy stopped and looked at him, knowing with his memory, he would never have to ask that kind of question. "I think you know. But you can't say it."

"I can say anything."

"Oh really? Tell me, Sheldon. In order to for you practice achieving orgasm, what do you think we need to do, before we attempt coitus again, to extend your arousal time?"

"Not think of trains."

"Right, while doing what?" Amy returned to the couch with two tea cups in hand. "You are not thinking of trains now"

"I am now that you are mentioning them. You tease."

Amy rolled her eyes, "No Sheldon, can you say it?"

Instead of answering, Sheldon focused on his tea cup, "You gave me chamomile, I don't want chamomile."

Amy took a deep sigh, "What do you want? Red zinger?"

"No woman, are you crazy, it's past 8 o'clock at night!"

"Hence the Chamomile."

"Are we going to sleep?"

"Some time tonight, I hope. I am exhausted."

Sheldon's shoulders slumped, "Oh, okay."

Amy tilted her head, "But not before we do what we need to do. Now, I think you need to reach a state of arousal, without coitus. Do you want to do it on your own, or do you want me to help?"

Sheldon looked over to Amy, "What are you saying?"

Amy lowered her voice and looked at him over her glasses, "You know what I am saying."

"I don't think I do…"

Amy sat up straight, and took a deep breath, "Fine, I will say it. You need to masturbate, reach a state of arousal and stop. Think of something different than trains, and do it again and again, until you extend your arousal time."

Sheldon slumped back in his spot, "Can't we just have coitus again? That would be so much easier!"

"Oh really? You have to get aroused for coitus, then get me aroused for coitus…"

"You could help ya know?! I'm the one doing all the heavy lifting around here."

"Don't even get me started how you are SO not doing all the heavy lifting. Sheldon. "

"Fine! You know, if you would just get aroused on a normal schedule, we wouldn't have these problems, and we would be done by now!"

"Well, I was going to help you get aroused and masturbate, but with that attitude, you can do it on your own. I'll get you a new tea." Amy rose off the couch and snatched Sheldon's cup out of his hands. Sheldon wide eyes followed her to the kitchen and he took a huge swallow.

"How.. um.. do… um… "

Amy was at the tea box, "Do you want to make your tea, or do you want me to do it?"

"Uh...Um.. you can do it. If you know how…"

"Oh, believe me, I know how. Just tell me what you want."

"Um.. lemon zest?"

"Are you asking me or telling me?"

"Telling."

"Good. I love a man who knows what kind of tea he wants." Amy turned to the kettle, not realizing what she said, or the implications. Sheldon licked his lips and sat at the edge of the couch cushion, waiting with bated breath for his cup of Lemon zest he had the guts to ask for like a man!

Amy returned with this tea, which was perfect, the best tea he ever had. "God, this is good."

"I knew you would like it. Now, since you are on you own tonight. I will go to sleep in Leonard's room and I will also try and think of things that make me aroused.. "

Sheldon cut her off, "Wait, you can't get aroused in Leonard's room."

"Why not?"

"It smells like Leonard."

"So?"

Sheldon almost slammed down his tea cup, some of the hot liquid splashed out, "SO!? You get aroused thinking of Leonard!"

Amy looked so confused, her mouth dropped open, "Why would I think of Leonard?"

Sheldon rubbed his forehead with his thumb and two fingers, exasperated at his girlfriend's ignorance, 'Amy, Leonard's room smells like Leonard. You get aroused from pheromones. If you try and get excited, you will associate it with Leonard. Good, god woman, didn't you read the required literature I sent you?"

"Yes, Sheldon, but there is no way in HELL, I would ever get aroused by Leonard! No matter how much I am swimming in his smell. "

"I don't want to gamble with you, Amy. " Sheldon voice was soft but firm.

"This isn't a gambling, Sheldon, this is science."

"Regardless, you will be sleeping in my room. You can think of me in there. End of discussion."

"Fine, you sleep in Leonard's room. I promise I won't tell him you were masturbating in there. Non-disclosure and all that."

"I don't want to masturbate in Leonard's room!"

Amy stopped, and looked at him, "You know, you're right. You might get too excited and then associate your arousal with Leonard scent. It would make living with him quite unnerving. Better not."

Sheldon gritted his teeth and glared at Amy with a icy stare. "That had better be sarcasm, Amy, or you are outta the fort!"

Amy tapped his knee gingerly, "Yes, Sheldon. It was sarcasm. You can do it in the shower."

"Amy! I've taken so many showers today my fingers are permanent prunes."

"Well, Sheldon, tell me what you want to do!"

Sheldon grabbed his cup of Lemon zest and looked at Amy. He just swallowed and bit his lip. It was an uncomfortable few minutes before Amy finally, got up.

"You decide, I am going to bed. Good night." Amy rose to leave the living room and get ready for bed. Sheldon was left holding his cup of Lemon Zest to keep him warm.

After Amy put on her night gown and brushed her teeth, she settled into Sheldon's bed. She was just about to turn off the light, when Sheldon burst into the room, startling her.

"Sheldon, what is it?"

"I need something Amy."

Amy took a deep breath and held it; she swallowed hard as he walked slowly over to the bed. His eyes were darkened and his breath was heavy. Amy held her night gown buttons with her trembling hands. The button were snaps, so she was hoping that Sheldon would just rip it open in one motion. He said nothing as he approached her. She tilted back on the bed, her head sinking in the pillow behind her and her back arched in anticipation. Sheldon walked over to her with the movements of a panther. He leaned down within a few inches of her face. She took in a few staggered breaths, still not able to released them. Sheldon eyes were roaming over her face as he moved his hand to her head. Finally he broke the silence:

"Amy?"

Amy let out a breath, "Yes, Sheldon?" She was quivering, letting out her breaths in rushed puffs.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he shut it quickly. Then he looked at her hair, "I need my pillow." He snatched the pillow from behind her head. Amy head popped off and slammed down on the mattress with a thud. "Good night!" He left in a start, leaving a fuming Amy to sleep with only one pillow and only her rage keep her body warm. Amy glared at the door, debating whether or not to throw something at it. Finally she wrapped herself up in frustration, a Sheldon pheromone-soaked blanket and fell asleep.

* * *

Amy's dream was bliss. Dressed in a flowing gabardine gown of stunning emerald, she glided to the stage to take his awaking hand. His dark eyes followed her while she was whisked to the podium. _"Dr. Fowler, I believe they are waiting for you,"_ he said in a husky low melodious voice. She looked out over the crowd, hundreds of people were there, most of which she could tell were the ones who teased her, mocked her, called her names that she told them didn't stick, but they were on her like glue. The crowd of former tormentors were whispering, commenting how beautiful she looked, how alluring, and who was that handsome man doing next to her. Amy reached for a microphone and in a commanding voice addressed the crowd, _"My fellow colleagues, friends and former tormentors, it is with great pleasure I accept this year's Nobel Prize for Physiology…"_ Amy voiced echoed in her head in a muddled dream sound, but she knew she was brilliant. The crowd erupted in cheers, and the man with the dark eyes came over and grabbed her hand, and started to sing:

_"Girl, you'll be a woman soon_  
_Please come take my hand_  
_Girl, you'll be a woman soon_  
_Soon you'll need a man."_

_"Oh my…_ " was all she got before the man, who looked a lot like Neil Diamond from the Jazz Singer with brilliant blue eyes leaned in to kiss her. Just before her lips were blessed with his sweet embrace, she heard:

"Knock knock knock "Amy"

"Knock knock knock "Amy"

"Knock knock knock "Amy"

Amy begrudgingly blinked her eyes open to see Sheldon standing beside the bed, grasping the pillow he stole from her like a teddy bear. "Sheldon! What is it, what's wrong?"

"Are you aroused?"

"Am I what? Are you nuts? What time is it?" Amy looked over at the clock, green glowing 4:28 AM fueled her anger. "It's 4:30 in morning Sheldon! What are you doing up?"

Sheldon scuffed his feet, "4:28 AM. I couldn't sleep. Leonard's room smells funny."

Amy sat up and slammed her hands on the covers in frustration. She wanted her Neil Diamond kiss in front of all those people who teased her. Instead, she had her childlike boyfriend and his quirks to contend with; she needed a drink.

"Sheldon, why did you ask me if I was aroused, if you wanted to sleep?"

Sheldon eyes darted around and he grasped the pillow in front of him tighter, "I heard you."

Amy got up off the bed, and in an exasperated tone asked, "Heard me what?"

"Heard you moan. I thought you might be dreaming, so I should see if you wanted to finish the experiment. Were you dreaming?"

"I was dreaming! I'm not now!" Amy walked past Sheldon to use the rest room. Before she got to the door, Sheldon asked, "Was it about me?"

Amy's hand was on the cool metal door handle, as she debated if she should lie or not to Sheldon. She wasn't feeling generous, "No, Sheldon, I was not." She left the room and went to the restroom. She brushed her teeth again and combed her hair as she debated getting up for day. 4:30 in morning was an insane hour, she needed more rest. She returned to the bedroom to find Sheldon sitting on the bed, looking down and glazed over. "Sheldon, I need more sleep." He didn't move."Are you sure you don't want me to sleep in Leonard's bed? Why don't I just do that…"

Sheldon jumped up, "No! No… then you won't have my pheromones. You'll have Leonard's and never get aroused . That would make the experiment muddled, or confusing for you if you are smelling Leonard during coitus. No, you need to sleep here." He didn't move from the side of the bed.

Amy was too tired to argue with Sheldon, "Fine, I am going to back to sleep." He didn't move from the bed side. She took a deep breath looked at his hunched body and sighed, "Why don't you just stay with me, like the nap. Okay? "

Sheldon almost leaped into the bed, "Okay. I like sleeping in my bed, and having it in here calling me was too much temptation. I couldn't sleep thinking about it."

"I bet."

Sheldon had his pajamas on, but he quickly pulled off his shirts and pants and came to bed in nothing but his briefs. Amy still had on her flannel nightgown. He curled up on his side and watched Amy get into bed. Her nightgown was touching his legs. "Amy."

Amy took a deep sigh, "Yes.. Sheldon?"

"Who was the person in the dream?"

"No one, Sheldon. Good night."

"Are you sure it wasn't me?"

"More and more sure, Sheldon."

Sheldon adjusted his body closer to Amy, his eyes were fixed on the back of her head. Her hair was smooth and lay close to her head. Sheldon inched his nose toward her and took a deep inhale as he moved his leg toward her. Her round soft buttocks curved toward him and her heavy nightgown was covering some of his leg.

"Amy.."

"Yes… Sheldon… What is it?"

"Your nightgown is hot."

"I'm fine Sheldon." She was trying very hard not to take his suddenly favorite pillow and smother him with it. It was a tough battle.

"I'm not fine."

"God! Sheldon! Okay! " Amy stood up and quickly snapped open her nightgown with a ripping sound and threw it toward the chair. She was wearing lace green underwear that barely covered her buttocks, but nothing else. She plopped back in bed with a slam and faced toward the wall. "Better?"

"Well… Maybe. That lace might scratch me."

Amy turned around to glare at him. "Deal with it. Now GOOD NIGHT!" Amy turned around and slammed her head into her pillow. Her hair bounced off the pillow and brushed against Sheldon's chest. Sheldon took a deep breath, and snuggled in his pillow, and with a content sigh and smile said, "Good night Amy."


	8. Chapter 8:Like a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

**Schrödinger's Coitus: ****Like a Cat on a Hot Tin Roof**

* * *

Sheldon was in a hypnagogic state as his snuggled into his new favorite pillow. It smelled heavenly, clean like fresh flowers. It was warm and velvety with mounds of fluff that were firm enough to cuddle his head. He smiled and rubbed his face against the warm silken fabric. For some reason, it was moving slightly up and down. Sheldon blinked his eyes open to see what he thought was his pillow was actually Amy Farrah Fowler's chest in which he face was firmly planted. Sheldon hoped she wasn't awake, but not such luck; as he looked up, guiltily, smiling green eyes were looking at him accompanied by a devilish grin.

Sheldon didn't move, he was frozen in fear."Um… How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough to see what you would do. Do you want to try working on the experiments parameters we spoke of yesterday evening, or should I leave the room?" Amy noted that her thigh was getting poked by a hard cylindrical object clothed in white cotton briefs. Sheldon couldn't help but notice as well when Amy moved her leg to rub it suggestively.

Sheldon moved off her naked breast, reluctantly, and shifted on his side. "Um.. what would that entail?"

Amy didn't say anything or ask him, she just moved her hand down his waist to his underwear. She lightly stroked her hand over his bulging problem with a feather touch.

Sheldon whispered, " Try not to think of the motion of trains."

"Right, Sheldon. No train motion." Amy turned to the side and moved her hand again, this time she rubbed it harder, but her hand was still outside the fabric. Sheldon let out a moan and closed his eyes. Amy could not believe he was letting her touch him like this, but it was for science. She used her fingers to rub him again outside his underwear and he let out a moan. Amy leaned toward his ear, "Now Sheldon, concentrate. Keep your focus. "Her breath was hot on his ear as she spoke to him in a husky low growl. "Do you want to take off your underwear?"

Sheldon couldn't answer, he just looked at her. He couldn't ask for what he wanted. Amy took charge of the situation or they would never get anywhere, "Sheldon, take off your underwear, now."

He did as he was told and laid on his back, looking at her. "Sheldon, I am going to touch you again, okay?" He just nodded and took a deep swallow. Amy hand was smaller than his, not as strong, but she was agile. She moved her fingers around his length and slowly ran them down to the base, then back to the top. Once she was at the tip, she moved her finger tips over the delicate curves. Sheldon was whimpering, watching her face as she moved her mouth closer to his face. She almost kissed him, but he closed his eyes and turned away.

She moved her mouth to his ear instead. While she increased the pressure and movement, she whispered to him, "Sheldon, I am going to tell you something. " Her hand stopped and pulled away.

Sheldon looked hurt that she seized the action, and looked down as if his eyes could grab her hand back and continue. "Why did you stop?"

Amy whispered to him, "You need to work on control. Think of something that keeps your arousal, but does not overwhelm it. "

"Like trains?"

"Well you told me trains cause your arousal."

Sheldon took a deep swallow, "Well, there might be other things that are more…" He looked at her mouth, "Exciting."

"Okay, so trains, get you aroused but don't take you over the edge. Think of trains, not the motion, but the boring facts about them."

"Train facts aren't boring, Amy."

"Whatever gets you through the night, Pal. " She reached down and touched him again. He pushed back his head in the pillow and let out a moan. "Is this okay?"

"Yes.." Sheldon bit his lip and squeaked out the answer. "Your hands are…" He couldn't finish. "Magic… I've never been touched …."

"I know. Now, the train we went on for Valentine's day.."

"Yes… " His voice was shaking.

"It was an Alcoa FA-4 diesel locomotive leading a train of 1915 Pullman first-class coaches. Correct?"

Sheldon bit his lip hearing those words from her. He whimpered and answered sheepishly, "Yes… meticulously restored..," Amy's hands were working him back and forth, while playing with his tip. She had increased the speed and pressure. Sheldon let out a moan, he was about to burst. Suddenly she stopped. He let out a painful whimper.

"Good. Now I am going to ask you, what did you say to me when I said that to you last time."

His eyes darted around, then he answered, "I'm feeling the urge to hug you." Sheldon was feeling it again, but even stronger than the first time she said it. "Then it passed." He looked away.

"Then it passed. That is what you need to work on, that feeling, okay?"

"Okay, can you…" Sheldon stopped and looked at her, frozen in fear of his own desires. He just needed to ask, but he didn't want to.

"Are you asking me to touch you again?"

Sheldon swallowed and didn't answer.

Amy took a deep sigh and pulled the blanket back to get up, "Well, when you figure out what you want, tell me. I will be here." She placed her feet on the wood floor and her naked back was to Sheldon. He reached out and lightly touched it, so softly, it might had been mistaken for a butterfly wing, but Amy felt it. To her, it felt like he grabbed her with all his force, pleading for her in his one touch. It was all she needed. Amy turned around and smiled at him and returned to the bed. She pulled the sheet over them and lay next to his naked warm body. Sheldon was shaking, biting his lip, but he was looking at her. He took a deep swallow and said softly, "I think that.. In order for the experiment… I was thinking that… We might.. I was..the parameters need to be met."

"Yes Sheldon, yes they do… " Amy reached out to his chest and ran her hand down his naked stomach. She could feel a trail of soft hair leading down below his waist. "Touching is part of arousal, Sheldon. Certain touching feels more intense." Amy ran her hand over his length again. "Other touching, just feels good." Amy brushed her fingers on his thigh lightly. "If you want your arousal to last longer, I am going to get to you to the point of climax, then stop." Amy wrapped her hands around him and applied enough pressure to feel his skin move under her hand. She continued the up and down steady motion till she could see Sheldon's lip quiver, then she slowed down and loosen her grip. She continued this motion of pressure, building pulse and slowing for seemingly hours. He was bucking under her hand, and then almost whimpering, ready to beg her to mollify his burning desire. Amy relaxed her hand just as Sheldon was about to climax. His obstinate girlfriend was driving him mad, "Amy, I …"

"Ask me." Her laconic response was met with silence. "Sheldon, all you have to do ask me."

"Amy…" Sheldon didn't want to ask her, admit his desires, and have to vocalize them. He wanted to climax, he wanted her to do, but he didn't want to ask. He couldn't.

Amy leaned close to his ear, and whispered, "Close but no dice."

Hearing that certain word, Sheldon bucked against her hand. He grabbed her hand and wrapped it around him, pulsing once and he was done. His head arched back and let out a muffled groan that Amy could hear him say, "dice". Once he realized she was staring at him with a shocked gaping mouth, he shot up and removed her hand.

Amy was hoping he would vocalize his desire, but instead, he showed her. However his physical response did not assuage her ire. "Really, Sheldon? Dice?" Then she got a look of recognition. "Oh! I see…" She couldn't hide her mirth. He was showing his arousal for her and the D&amp;D game.

Sheldon was embarrassed, and unwilling to admit he was aroused by anything, "That was not it! This was an exercise to increase arousal verse climax time. I calculated that given your arousal period, we were over time by almost 15 minutes! That's all. It's all part of the experiment, Amy. Nothing more!" Sheldon snatched his robe off the chair and pulled it over him. He carefully covered himself as to not make a mess, and ran to the shower, yet again. He was thankful that water was included in his rent payment.

Amy rose slowly off the bed, confused, but hopeful. Sheldon was showing more desire and arousal in the last 2 days than he had in his life. However it was under the guise of the experiment. She put on Penny's flimsy robe and headed to the bathroom. Sheldon was in the shower, but Amy didn't care. She needed to wash her hands. She knocked on the door and entered, "Sheldon I am going to wash up and brush my teeth."

Sheldon was frozen in the shower. Not since he moved from home had he heard a girl's voice while he was naked in the shower. Finally, he let out a meek, "okay.." and stayed frozen, listening to every sound.

Amy washed her hands, and brushed her teeth quickly. She really need to use the restroom, so she quickly used the facilities and washed her hands again and escaped. By the time Sheldon was out of the shower, Amy had almost finished breakfast. She was still wearing Penny's robe and her green panties were showing through the thin fabric. The robe's tie was slightly undone; a complete distraction from the plate of French toast she handed Sheldon with a large grin, "It's French toast day, right?"

"Yes, it is. Thank you." Sheldon sat looking at his beautiful half naked girlfriend, smelling his plate of perfectly prepared French toast, and feeling sexually satisfied. It was like the strawberry Quik syrup all over again; it was better and he didn't like it. Amy was in a great mood, almost giddy. Sheldon was fuming; for some reason a half naked woman in his kitchen fixing French toast agitated him.

Amy smiled at Sheldon with a wide toothy grin that made him melt. She spoke to him in a happy tone, "Do you feel better after your shower?

Sheldon grunted.

"Well, if you want, after breakfast we can watch Doctor Who or something, then for lunch I can fix those sandwiches that you love so much, whaddya think?" Amy suggesting watching Doctor Who was bad enough without those yummy sandwiches making her all the more appealing. He loved the idea. He was twitching with rage. At least she didn't suggest watching Star Wars. Sheldon said nothing. Amy spoke again, "Or we can watch Star Wars, if you want?"

Sheldon rose in anger, "Amy! There is no reason for all this! You are coddling me! I am fine! There is no reason for all these pleasantries!" He took his empty plate to sink and slammed into the bottom.

Amy's giddiness left her on swift breeze of confusion and annoyance. She looked at him holding the sides of the sink with his head down trying to regain his composure. He was fighting it; fighting the feeling that he liked it. It was all the confirmation that Amy needed. He didn't want to like the experiment, he wanted it over. Amy pulled her robe closed, and walked to the back hall to take a shower and dress. She should have known better to act like this experiment would bring them closer. He was the negative side of the magnetic pole for any desire he had. He pushed them away on instinct.

Leave it to Amy, she thought, to milk a butterfly feather touch in a bed for every ounce of meaning she could. He had asked her to continue by touching her back. He wanted her, she knew or, she thought she did. Now, she knew he was fighting it. Under the shower head, she found her clinical detachment again. The water washed away any unknown tear of disappointment she had. After the shower, she emerged from the bath and dressed in her usual attire. She found Sheldon sitting on the couch. He must have dressed while she was in the shower. He was staring at the TV which was off.

Amy moved to the beige chair and sat with her knees together and her hands holding them. After a long period of silence, he spoke: "Amy, I am sorry I lost my temper. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Let's just get this over with, Sheldon. I need to go home tonight and I don't want to be here all day."

Sheldon swallowed the bitter taste in mouth down his closing throat. "Umm, so do want to watch Doctor Who?"

"How will that make the experiment go faster?"

"Well, the Doctor is highly intelligent. You indicated that you are aroused by that, so it's only logical…"

"Sheldon.. No fictional character is going to arouse me like you do. You are most intelligent man I have ever known or read about, so if you don't do it for me, no one will. Besides, I only liked the one with the red head lady."

"David Tennent?"

"I have no idea.. The tall, skinny one with the dark hair." Amy let out a saddened laugh, "I guess I like that type."

Sheldon let out a short laugh and a smile. His girlfriend really did find him attractive. He never considered physical attraction before he met her. It was just another quality to a person, not something to consider. He was attracted to Amy for her mind. He never considered her beautiful; not because he didn't think she was, but because it was never important. "Well, good thing you are dating me then."

Amy dropped her smile, "Yeah. Good thing." Amy grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. She found the recordings of Doctor Who and picked one at random. Then she rose from the chair, went to Sheldon's book shelf, and grabbed the book, "The Fractal Geometry of Nature" by Mandelbrot, and quietly read for 3 hours.

Amy never looked up from her book. Sheldon on the other hand, had spent the last 3 hours watching his girlfriend read. He watched her pull her hair off her face. He was glued to the view of her curling up her feet under her legs and lightly stroking her knee unconsciously. Once in a while, she would rub her neck, pulling her hair off her shoulders and lightly touching her chest. When she would take a sip of tea, Sheldon watched the glistening hint of the beverage on her lips before she licked it away. He was only jarred from his stupor when she rose to go the kitchen to prepare the sandwiches.

Her actions were perfection, no motion was wasted. When she reached for the plates, her other hand was grabbing the knife. After she cut the tomato, she immediately cleaned the same knife to cut the sandwich. Efficient fluidity guided her every move. Sheldon's pulse rose with arousal. When she walked back to the couch and handed him the plate, her slight smile was brief.

One bite of his perfect sandwich, and Sheldon had to swallow it down with the taste of bile in his mouth. He was a cad, he shouldn't have snapped at her, but the deed was done. Each bite was torture as he tried to drown the taste of guilt that accompanied the sandwich. Finally, he had to set down the plate and look at her. "Amy..." She cut him off, "Sheldon, I am not coddling you."

"I know."

"I was just hungry. It is just as easy to make one sandwich as two."

"I know."

"Just because I do nice things for you doesn't mean I am forcing you to like it. I am not forcing you do anything."

"I know.. Amy.."

Amy voiced raised, "I am sorry if what we did in bed this morning was too pleasant. We never have to do it again. EVER!"

"Amy…"

"Now, I am going to go lay down. You do what you want." Amy left her half eaten sandwich and rushed to the bath. Sheldon could hear her brushing her teeth. She emerged from the bath, her clothes folded in her hand and she was wearing Penny's robe. He only had a second to see her before she went to the bedroom and closed the door.

After he cleaned the plates, Sheldon went to the bedroom and saw Amy, curled up on her side, facing the wall. Her pale shoulders were peaking out of the blanket. Sheldon sat on the bed and she looked over her shoulder, but didn't face him.

"Amy. I have absolutely no idea why I snapped at you. All I know is… I don't want to do it again."

"I know why, but you won't like the answer." Amy turned to look at the wall, but then let out a huge sigh. "Sheldon…" Amy sat up holding the blanket over her chest. "Let me ask you something."

"Alright." Sheldon turned to face her. His eyes were fighting between focused on her pale chest or her green eyes.

"If we finish this experiment, will we really be able to go back to how we were? Because, if the answer is no, then we need to end this now. Right now, Sheldon. You would have never snapped at me like that before…"

He looked away in shame, "I did once…"

"Yes… Then you left. For 45 Days. You left. You didn't say good-bye, you didn't want me to pick you up… you… You didn't… " Amy held back a tear but it was causing her throat to close.

Sheldon reached out and grabbed Amy's hand, "'Paragraph 2, heading: requirements. The coitus experiment shall in no way alter the status of the relationship.' We can't break up over this Amy. We are doing this to prove we can withstand it."

"What if we are wrong?"

"I can't believe that."

"That is why we are doing the experiment, Sheldon. To test that theory. We could be wrong. Coitus could pull us apart. "

"It won't." Sheldon voice was soft with reassurance. He pulled an errant strand of her hair off her face.

"How can you know?"

Sheldon looked her straight in the eye. His intense blue stare bore into her, "I won't let it."


	9. Chapter 9:Not have a cat in hell's chanc

**This chapter is dedicated to Lady Maca, who read this and helped me decide the direction for this story. Thank you so much for your help and support.**

**The double update is for Shamylover, who is sick this weekend, and needs a little love. Here you go, and get better!**

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Don't have a cat in hell's chance**

* * *

Amy blinked her eyes open to a triple repetitive sound ringing in her ears.

"Knock Knock Knock.. "Amy"

"Knock Knock Knock.. "Amy"

"Knock Knock Knock.. "Amy"

Sheldon knocked on the head board in his obsessive compulsive fashion to wake her. Amy's confused look overshadowed the feeling of Sheldon naked body smashed against hers.

"Sheldon…. What's going on?"

"Amy, are you aroused?" His arm was wrapped around her head, and she felt his warm body against her as his aroma filled her nose. "I'm… oh… I Just woke up, Sheldon, what? Am I what?"

"Are you aroused? You moaned in your sleep again, so I thought you might be aroused. Were you dreaming again?"

"No, I don't think so… Maybe.. I don't…

"Was it about him?"

"Who is _him_?"

"The man you were dreaming about last night. Was it Leonard?"

Amy slammed her head against the pillow, "I don't know Sheldon. I don't think I was dreaming. If I was, I don't remember but it wasn't LEONARD!"

"Good." Sheldon moved closer to her sniffing her hair, "Regardless, we can't miss an opportunity Amy. With your limited sexual desire, we have to strike while the iron is hot. So, I will ask again, are you aroused?" Sheldon leaned forward extenuating his words with his proximity. If Amy wasn't aroused before, she certainly was on her way. However, Sheldon's jabs at her desire were unwelcome.

"I don't know, frankly. I just woke up, AGAIN! Are you?" Amy looked down toward the sheet, like she could see something through the thin cotton. She wasn't sure, but it felt like something was up against her thigh.

Sheldon ignored her question, "Honestly, Amy how can you not know if you are aroused? Boy, you aren't making this easy. Okay… Phase two." Sheldon put his hand of Amy's breast and squeezed it. She pulled back slightly in alarm.

"Sheldon! What are you.." Sheldon cut off her objections. "Look Amy, I am doing what needs to done to get this experiment completed. " Sheldon continued to lightly clutch her breast. His palm was squeezing her nipple as she indistinctly arched back. "Well, my, okay.. that's new…"

Sheldon continued touching her breast while he watched her face. Amy breathed heavily; the smell of her toothpaste was still on her breath from the after lunch cleaning. She watched his eyes as she moved slightly toward him. Sheldon voice was low as he explained his actions, "Well, I have determined that we need to expand the parameters of the experiment in order for you to reach arousal. I have devised protocols that will enhance your arousal in an accelerated rate. There are 5 phases."

Amy was intrigued, and the list of phases wasn't bad either. "What are these phases?" Sheldon's warm hand was massaging her breast and squeezing it, but his touch was soft and timid.

"Phase one: Proximity. Phase two: manual stimulation of mammary glands. Now, I have some questions. But first, how often do you do a self breast examine?"

"What? Why? Do you feel something?" Amy almost shot up in alarm.

"No, I don't but you really should do this once a month, Amy. If you want I can show a technique I learned. See you need to.."

"Sheldon! I do just fine. Now what are your questions that do not have to with breast cancer examinations. It's kind of killing the mood."

"OH sorry, quite right." Sheldon was watching Amy's reactions to his manual stimulation, "Amy which of your breast is the most sensitive?" His lithe hand moved in a wave motion as he felt her pliable breast. Amy couldn't think while he was kneading her chest like bread dough. Just to have Sheldon willing find second base, was keeping her eyes wide and her brain blank.

"I… umm. Don't know… I think… I…"

"Oh Amy how could not know? I guess we have another experiment." Sheldon leaned up on his knees and grabbed her other breast with his large hand. Both hands stopped, "Okay. First the right." Sheldon played with her breast like dough, "Then left…" He mirrored his action. Amy watched him above her, noting his naked body for the first time. She was too busy eyeing her new favorite scene to answer.

"Okay… Now this.." He rubbed her nipples with his thumb on the right. Amy drew in a sweet, short breath, "Or this one?" Her mind was trying to quantify the quality, but frankly, they were both feeling marvelous.

"I don't know, do that again, I'll see."

Sheldon repeated the motion, as he watched her arch back. Her velvety skin brushed up against his own. He noticed her breathing had changed, her pulse was rapid and her chest was flush. "Um.. Is it this one, or this one?"

"Still not getting it, do it again."

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Fine, once more…This one, or …" He switched hands, "this one?" Amy had to answer before the exercise would be reminiscent of a trip to the optometrist office, but she was loving the feeling surging through her.

"Um… Left, just only a little bit."

Sheldon looked down and said a one simple word, "Good." Then he leaned his body down and placed his face near her chest. His body was laying next to her, flush to her side. His own arousal was growing, and nudging in her thigh.

"Now that we know which is most sensitive, Phase three. " He took her breast in his mouth. Amy was so shocked, all she could think to do was arch back and let out a moan. His hand held her breast while he sucked just the tip of her harden nipple.

"Oh.. My.. I thought… Oh… No kissing rule… Oh …"

Sheldon looked up at her with blue eyes and darken pupils, "Amy, this isn't kissing. This is suckling. I had to know which one would maximize the effect. Please inform me if this phase is working to achieve the desire result." Without another word, his mouth returned to its task. It was working, Amy thought, all too well.

Her pleasure receptors were floating on the sensation pulsing through her. Amy's only problem at the moment was what to do with her hands. She wanted to wrap them around Sheldon's neck and pull him in close.

She finally, just lightly placed her hand on his shoulder. His tightened muscles strained holding up his body, but he didn't pull away. Amy was just as aroused by the suckling action on her breast, as she was holding his rounded shoulder and his acceptance of her touch.

He was painstakingly slow, making each pass count. His other hand moved to her other breast and played with harden nipple as before. _No reason to waste time_, he thought. He could feel Amy's hand on his shoulder and hear her slight moans in his ears. He concentrated on the texture more than taste of her. Her breasts were hardening and softening at the same time. His curious tongue experimented with different techniques and his mind catalog each of her responses. He tested his method at least 3 times before changing techniques. He was methodical in his pursuit. Amy was a ball of moaning putty. Once he went through all variations, he checked with Amy.

"Amy, did phase three work successfully?

Amy was flushed, red chest and out of breath. The only answer she could pass through her lips was "Yes."

"Good, I am really not ready for phase four. May I proceed to try the experiment?" Trying not to think of trains, was difficult.

Amy would love to know what phase four was, but a more pressing matter needed attention. It was pressing into her thigh. She timidly asked, "Are you… ready to proceed? Should I do anything?" Amy was hoping to return the favor to Sheldon's chest, which was at the moment hovering over her own, rising and falling, almost touching her.

"No, I am ready."

Amy raised her knees, and spread her legs slightly, "Please proceed."

Sheldon looked nervous to repeat the same position he had hurt Amy previously. She could see his concern and stomped it out by swiftly pulling off her panties, 'Sheldon, the variables are completely different. I am quite sure this is the best method, so far. So… Please proceed." She tried not to supplicate her response, but it didn't matter, Sheldon was already getting in position. His previous condom practice brought his application time to less than 15 seconds.

Sheldon positioned himself between Amy. This time, his forearms held him up but they were wrapped around her head, so his body was flush with Amy. He could feel the soft skin of her chest on his. Her harden nipples were grazing his ribs. Sheldon was fascinated how soft her skin was compared to his. It was like he was lying on a blanket of warm silk.

His hands were in her hair. As he moved closer to her, the scent filled his brain with memories of the pillow he held so close after the first time. Sheldon body was urging him to feel her, but he had to concentrate. The parameters of the experiment called for no unnecessary touching. Feeling her hair was unnecessary for her to achieve orgasm.

Amy bent her knees more and spread her thighs wide. His tip could feel her wet arousal and was confirmation that his careful conditions and phases worked, and he could enter her without manual help. He slipped into her with ease. Sheldon drew in a staggered breath as he watched her head arch back with a rumbling moan. He felt her all around him, tight but smooth. As he pushed into further, the feeling of her warm core and her intoxicated scent caused him to close his eyes and breathe deeply though his nose. He wanted to take it all in, wrap all sensation around him like a warm Amy blanket.

He pulled out slightly and pushed in again. This time, the movement was easier, smooth, fluid. He tried the motion again and then one more time. Amy let out a moan and wrapped her hands around his neck. He wanted to stop and remind her of unnecessary touch clause, but he was too enraptured to find his voice. As she let out a purr, she faced him and looked into his blue eyes. He slowed down and wrapped his hands around her head. He wanted to feel her silken hair. One strand had fallen on her cheek and it was all the excuse he needed to touch it. He pushed into her once again as he pulled the errant strand off her face. His hands moved to the back of her head and neck feeling her hair weave through his fingers like silken fringe. He felt her warm breath with a hint of mint on his lips with each thrust; he heard her moan slightly with a gaped mouth.

Sheldon slowed his movements and licked his lips. He tried to swallow down his desire as he watched her mouth let out the erotic sounds. _Don't think of trains_. He moved his mouth closer, not allowing his lips touch hers, but the fight would soon be over. The overwhelming feeling between his legs was nothing compared to the urge to kiss her. His lips feather touched hers and he pulled back slightly, but already he missed the contact.

He took an another swallow and lightly pressed his lips to hers. It wasn't a date night, it wasn't necessary, but he selfishly allowed himself to feel her lips on his. His eyes widen at his own action and he pulled back in alarm. He felt ashamed that he gave into his desire and took advantage of her. He was mortified.

He could see her eyes smile and mouth grin with permission and she pulled him back to her. His erection seemed to stiffen even more. He pulled back and thrust into her again while pressing his lips again on hers. This time, it felt even more necessary.

He drew back and thrust again while his wet warm lips were still attached to hers. Her mouth let out a moan while his lips were connected. He felt like moaning himself and he could hear his moans echo in her mouth. He plunged into her again, with profound movement, and deepened the kiss, allowing his mouth to open while his tongue tasted her lips for the first time. Amy tongue met his and danced against each other timidly. After he pulsed into her again, she let out a higher pitched moan and he dove his tongue into her mouth tasting her completely. He pulled back slightly and pushed into her again, as her hands moved to his shoulder blades, pulling him into her harder. Sheldon groaned in her mouth as he continued to kiss her. Every thrust was met with a deep kiss. Sheldon didn't know which action was more exciting, the kiss or the pulsing feeling from Amy's core. One was for science and the other was desire, but they were mixing together. He wasn't aware of the decoction of his mixture, yet.

The feeling was building, growing rising twisting together in hot wet dance. Each thrust felt better than the last, but it was also tighten around him, twisting up a top waiting for tension to snap. Each moan grew louder, lower more guttural and urgent like the sound could release the tension alone. Sheldon hips moved on their own, finding a steady and deep rhythm that fueled their moans and pushed them both further toward each other.

Suddenly Sheldon felt a pulsing wave constrict around him and Amy arched her head back and let out a cry. He heard the words, "Oh Sheldon!" echo through the room and reverberate in his ears. Hearing his name and feeling Amy pulse around him sent him to oblivion. He arched his own head back as he felt pulse after pulse crash into a splendid wave of bliss. As the last surging pulses were trickling down his body, he allowed himself one more deep kiss to finish off the wave.

When he was done he pulled his head back to focus on the woman beneath him. He could have sworn she glowed from every pore. Her munificent smile was contagious. But then a cooling realization hit Sheldon. She must have had an orgasm. This experiment was concluded. He pulled back slightly, but not able to leave her just let and not wanting to hear she had her orgasm. He moved her hair off her face and let his hand drift down her skin. Their bodies were fused together; the most contact either one had with anyone or each other. He placed his forehead on hers as he caught his breath. He had a sad look in his eye that confused Amy.

Finally, he spoke, "Amy… are you … Okay?"

"Yes, Sheldon I am. That was… Nice…"

"Good…" He took a large swallow and continued to look at her with broad unblinking eyes. "Did you…"

"Yes…"At first Amy was elated, but as she answered, her voice went soft as she realized what it meant. They had both preformed the experiment with the required efficacy. Now, they had to decide. Seven days to evaluate. Amy hadn't moved. Neither did Sheldon. They stayed fused together for an incalculable time, matching their breathing. They stared at each other mining their eyes for meaning from their actions. Looking to the other for answers that neither one had or could utter.

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Forgive me… I shouldn't have kissed you, like that…We never.. I mean… It wasn't required… I over stepped." He looked ashamed, the act of kissing took advantage of her more than the act of coitus. Amy placed her hand on his face, cupping it with a reassuring touch.

"Sheldon, I think your kissing was a necessary action to achieve the desired results. Think of it as phase 1.5"

Sheldon smiled and only said one word, "Good." Finally he reluctantly pushed himself off the bed and grabbed his robe. Amy finally saw his naked body from the back. He was pale, and lanky, but surprisingly muscular with deep large dimples on the sides of buttocks leading to his hips. She could make out his hip bone barely before he pulled the robe around his body. He sat back on the edge of the bed and turned to looked at her.

Amy's hair was splayed over the pillow in chocolate shining waves. Her green eyes were still glowing and matched nicely to her glistening skin. Her lips were a soft rose color, plump and full. She had pulled the sheet around her chest, but her cleavage was still visible which had a rosy flush to match her lips. Her legs were bent and out of the sheet, wrapped around her like a taffy pull. He had never seen her more beautiful. He had to take a sharp breath and swallow to find his voice again.

"Amy… I am going to take a shower. I won't be long. Unless… you want a shower first. I can wait."

"No, please Sheldon, you go. I bet you need it more than I."

"Yes.. Well. Maybe… I will be back..." He reached over to her and pulled that same strand of hair off her face that tempted him earlier. Sheldon stood up, handed Amy the robe and placed his hand on the door knob. He took another swallow and forced himself to look back at Amy. She had sat up in the bed, her hair was hanging in waves on her pale shoulders and the tips were resting on her chest. Her eyes were bright with joy, but her brow was arched in worry. Sheldon let out a sweet, melancholy sigh, swallowed again and turned the cold metal knob with a slight nostalgic smile.

Sheldon slowly stepped in the shower to wash away his confusion; the streams of water scalded his face a red color to match his flush body. He washed away the unknown tear that formed. He knew the experiment was over. He should be elated. He should be thrilled. No more physical contact. No more coitus, or naps, or breast examinations, or anything to do with Lemon Zest tea. No more of that kiss he couldn't get off his lips or his mind. They had seven days to evaluate and report back, but Sheldon knew the survey questions and what they meant. He crafted it before they had coitus. It was formatted in such a way that the only answer to the question _Should we continue coitus as part of our relationship_ was : No.


	10. Chapter 10: Cheshire Cat's Grin

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Cheshire Cat's Grin**

* * *

Amy sat upright in the bed, grasping the sheet close to her chest as her two fingers glazed her lips as her mind wandered through her memories:

_-I am having regular intercourse with your daughter…_

_Oh, yes. We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt…._

_Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship.-_

_Should we engage in coitus?_ When he asked that question the first time over four years ago, Amy looked at him confused. He had never showed any interest before that day. She thought, maybe he had not ruled it out. Then the little slice of mirth that cut deeply: Bazinga. It was all a joke. At the time, she paid no attention to the cut. After a while, it started to itch and left a scar that hurt her to this day.

Amy watched the door, holding her breath, hoping he wouldn't come back in a say it again. One minute, two minutes… Three…. Nothing. No, it wasn't a joke. They had the kind of mind altering, soul fulfilling coitus she hoped they would have the first time. No fantasy, no Neil Diamond kiss or long hair bare-chested man on horseback could compare to the feeling Amy just had in his bedroom.

He kissed her, willingly. He touched her, willingly. He liked it, unwillingly.

Amy knew what that meant: He would run away from it. He would run off, or snap at her, or slam a dish in the sink rather than admit it. Her euphoria melted away with each passing minute. She had to keep the clinical detachment, she couldn't show him she liked it and for god sake, she couldn't ask him if he did. Not yet. That familiar salty taste of tears was on her lips again, but this time it was mixed with the memory of his kiss and it tasted even more bitter.

Amy quickly dressed and packed her bag readying herself for her escape again. She wasn't going to wait for him to deny his feelings, to take it back. She walked past the bathroom door and felt the humidity from the shower on her bare feet. She moved her hand to the door to knock and say goodbye, but she couldn't make the motion. Just as she turned to go down the hall to leave, the bathroom door opened. Amy was frozen; she took a deep breath and kept her eyes focused on the front door she wanted so desperately to be behind. He said nothing, but he reached for her hand. Amy took a deep breath. Instead of grabbing her hand, he grabbed her bag, and took it from her shaking hand.

"Amy…" He said a low soft comforting voice, "Don't leave yet." He didn't wait for her reply. He went to his bedroom to dress, her bag in his hand. Amy let out the breath she was holding.

A few minutes later, Sheldon emerged from the hall to find Amy fixing the kettle for tea. Now he had to decide. He had to make a choice and figure out exactly what he wanted once and for all. What was his desire? Could he say it if he knew? He had to choose: What kind of tea did he want?

There was the obvious choice: Chamomile: Safe, warm and comforting.

There was Red Zinger: Bold and alluring.

There was Lemon Zest: A mix of the two, zesty and comforting, a new taste he couldn't get enough of lately.

Sheldon was frozen in fear. He couldn't decide. Hopefully, Amy would be gracious enough not to ask him what he wanted.

"Sheldon, what kind of tea do you want?"

_Drats_…

"Ummm, you choose. No, wait, don't do that. That would mean you are deciding for me, and that is bad. I mean I should be able to choose my own tea? Right? Right! I should know it! I mean I drink tea all the time, Amy. I think I know what I am doing. I am tea expert. Well, some tea. I mean, Penny's Long Island tea tastes okay, but it makes me sick." Sheldon was wringing his hands and his eyes were darting around. Amy just looked at him in bewilderment.

He continued his rant, " I love tea! I do, I love it. I have for a while. Why can't I just say what kind of tea of want?! I should be able to say, "Tea… I love you! I have for while! I want to drink this tea forever!" Sheldon took a deep breath but it didn't help his hyperventilating fit. Amy's brow was furled in confusion, and growing concern.

"Sheldon, you could just have water."

"No Amy! I can't just have water! I want tea! Now that I have a taste for it, I want it more than ever! I mean, tea is great, right!" Sheldon stood up, and started pacing, "Everyone drinks tea, the Irish drink it the most, the English almost bath in it. Asians love it. Even the Southerners drink it. I mean, they ice it, but it's still tea. I mean AMY, the WHOLE WORLD DRINKS TEA!"

Amy was getting worried, "Um.. Sheldon, some people drink coffee…"

"Yes, but those people are perverts and drug addicts or worse, hippies, Amy. Tea. Tea is what's at stake here. It is the issue. Not some red bean that may or may not have been dropped on the ground, cooked beyond recognition and then put through a grinder. I mean tea is just leaves. It's easy, it's not hard. Everyone can drink tea. Hell, monkey's can drink tea! We had tea. We loved it. Why can't we have tea every day, Amy? What's so wrong with that?" Sheldon hands were running through his hair and he was pacing back and forth in front of the couch.

"Um… Sheldon." Amy went over to Sheldon with a cup of lemon zest tea. "Here, you had this tea, yesterday. You liked it. You can have it again, until you can decide what you really want. Think of this as transition tea, okay?"

Sheldon stopped, and looked at the cup, took a deep breath, and smiled at Amy, "Thank you Amy. Thank you for not pressuring me on tea. It's just such a big decision, you know."

Amy tapped his shoulder, and walked him back to his spot, helping him sit down."Just sit, enjoy your tea, and relax. Tea isn't going anywhere." Sheldon let out a huge sigh and sat down in his spot. He put the tea mug to his face and smiled the aroma. The humid brew filled his lungs. He opened his eyes to see Amy fixing her own cup.

"What are you having?"

"Lemon and green tea."

"Two tea bags? My god, woman, this isn't a rave! It's like a tea orgy!"

"Well, you can decide later if you want to try it or another flavor, or you can have the same tea, forever, ya know."

Sheldon looked down at his half empty cup, "I know. But, I seriously doubt I would ever want two tea bags."

Amy said nothing, just smirked and fixed her tea. She brought back her tea and sat next to Sheldon. He looked in her cup and snorted, "Two tea bags? Savage!"

Amy took a deep breath and looked at Sheldon. His hands were holding his tea cup, moving it around, swirling the pale yellow liquid, like it would give him some answers. Finally, she broke the silence.

"Sheldon, I am going to go home soon. Do we need to do anything to conclude our experiment?"

Sheldon looked up and focused on her hair. He said nothing, just looked past her, like he was remembering something. He smiled, and looked down at his tea cup again. He took a deep sigh and finally said in a melancholy tone, "Just the survey. It was already sent to you."

"I never got it, Sheldon."

Sheldon sat up straight, "You never got it?"

"No, are you sure you sent it?"

"I thought I did." He rose off the couch in a start and rushed to his lap top. He logged in and noticed it was still in his drafts folder. He never sent it. He could rework it so it wouldn't be a lie. Amy voice broke his concentration.

"Sheldon why don't we just talk in a week's time. We can meet next Sunday. I can bring dinner if you want, or we can go out." Amy got up to see what he was doing. "Oh there it is. Look, you can just hit this…" Amy hit a button and the survey sent out leaving Sheldon gaping mouth looking at the screen. Amy moved to the kitchen and cleaned her tea mug. Sheldon let out a whimper as he looked at the sent folder increase by one message. His eyes darted around before he spoke, "Oh, I know why I never sent it, Amy… " He had a fake laugh, "There was some errors in it, that I didn't want.. I mean I want to correct it. Don't read it. I will send a new one, by next Saturday. DON'T READ IT. Okay?"

"Okay, Sheldon, geez! Don't worry. I won't make fun of you for some spelling mistakes."

Sheldon shot up defensively, "I don't make spelling mistakes Amy!"

"Well, whatever mistakes you did, I'm sure they aren't important. You are brilliant. Anything you put in the first one probably was intentional."

"Yes, intentional."Sheldon voice was timid as he remembered his questions. They were based on five point scale, which has a mid point. Anyone who knows anything about social statistics, would know it was a farce.

"I will look for the new survey later this week, then?" Amy moved to middle of room, and Sheldon sat up off the chair to meet her, blocking her from the door.

"Um, yes. I mean no. I will send it then, yes, but no. I um… Do you want to have dinner?" He reached for her hand, but pulled away and crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself. He couldn't touch her without the guise of the experiment or date night, not without permission.

Amy was surprised, "Oh sure! I would love that, Sheldon. Do you want to go out? You don't have much here, in fact, you kinda need groceries."

Sheldon smile grew, "Would you help me shop? I don't want to wait for Leonard. He takes too long and always buys the wrong peanut butter and Orange juice."

"No pulp right?"

"Right! I will take you out to dinner to thank you."

"You don't have to thank me for coitus, Sheldon. It was part of the…"

Sheldon cut her off, "God, no Amy, I wasn't going to thank you for that! With dinner? We would have to go to Café in Paris. No, dinner was to thank you for going grocery shopping with me." Sheldon was oblivious to his little compliment on their dalliance.

Amy smirked at his Paris comment, "Okay sure, Sheldon. And just to clarify, I would rather go to dinner in Italy than Paris. I mean those people have a dish that looks like meat jello. I mean who does that?"

"Terrine. Ya, that's insanity. Okay no Paris, not good enough anyway..." He smirked at her and she blushed. He grabbed his coat and handed Amy her purse. On the way down the stairs they talked about French food, and then the conversation turned to WWII history, then code breaking, then Game theory. By the time they reached the restaurant, the topic had switched to Economic theory and recent developments in the mid east. By the time they had finished the grocery shopping, they had discovered they had a mutual disdain for Banda music. On the walk up the stairs, they had perfected Sheldon's variation on Go. They reached the top of the stairs with three bags of brown bags just as Penny and Leonard were exiting 4B.

Leonard had a Cheshire's cat grin to match Penny's squeal, "Soooo Hello you two! How's it going?"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, but Amy answered, "Sheldon's not taking me to Paris!" Amy had a huge grin on her face that was matched by Sheldon's smirk. Leonard darted his head to the side to see if his hearing was working correctly, "_No Paris?" _He mouthed to Sheldon who shrugged and smiled.

Penny looked totally confused, "Oh okay, great honey! I think."

Sheldon smiled, and they went into the apartment.

Leonard and Penny looked at each other, "God, they are so weird."

"Think they're weird now?… Imagine when they start having coitus all the time."

Penny looked in horror at the door of 4A, "Lord a mercy!"

Amy helped put away all the groceries while the finished their conversation. Once all the food was put away, bags were folded and dishes were cleaned, it was done. No more excuses, it was the end of the weekend.

Amy took a deep sigh, "Well, I better go, Sheldon."

"Yes, I guess so. Yes."

Amy swallowed hard and went to retrieve her bag. She took a little longer than Sheldon had expected, but he was pushing it. Sheldon was near his desk, holding on to the side edge with his finger tips, his eyes were fixed on a something on the floor. Amy emerged from the bedroom grasping her bag with two cold hands.

She bit her lip and her voice was shaky. She was unsure how to articulate her feeling or what to say to finish the weekend,, "Um. Well. It seems, we are done."

"Yes. We are. It seems, I think."

"You don't think we are done?" Amy sounded hopeful.

"No, I guess we are. We did the act with the required efficacy, I guess."

"I guess too. I have no idea. But it seems we did, okay. Anyway." Amy shifted her bag to one of her hands and held out one for Sheldon to shake, "Good job, Dr. Cooper."

Sheldon looked at her hand and then to Amy. He didn't take it. Amy pulled it back and looked away, "Sorry, I guess gratifying coitus isn't like getting a Nobel. No hardy handshake. Sorry. I will go." Amy walked toward the door quickly, with her head down.

Sheldon ran over to stop her, "No, Amy it's not that. " He grabbed her hand and pulled the bag out of her other hand and set it down. "It's just, a handshake, doesn't seem… Appropriate."

Amy took a deep breath, "No, it doesn't." Sheldon still had her hand, searching her eyes for permission. She didn't pull away, but instead, moved closer."What do you suggest, then Dr. Cooper?"

"Well, it's not date night, but it felt like a date."

"One of our better ones, I might add."

Sheldon looked at her and smiled. It was a good date. They talked and laughed, had dinner. But the afternoon! That was what he couldn't get off his mind. "Yes, it was a great date… Day…" He swallowed and went closer to her. "Maybe we could…" He gulped the words down his throat.

"Kiss good night?"

He let out a huge sigh thankful he didn't have to answer, "Yes. Since this was like a date."

"That's sounds wonderful, I agree." Amy moved timorously closer to him, within an inch. She had to look up at him to see his gleaming blue eyes. Sheldon looked down at her and reached for her hips as he always did for their kisses. He had a slight smile on his lips as he pressed his mouth against hers. According to the relationship agreement, kissing was supposed to be closed mouth and last no more than 15 seconds. He wanted to break the rules.

He let his mouth feel hers again, the memory of the morning was as fresh as the moment it happened. He opened his mouth slightly and darted his tongue against hers. Amy pulled back, alarmed, "Sheldon, are you.."

"Amy, I don't want to stop kissing you. I don't want to stop anything. I want you, Amy, more than anything. I want you." He pulled her back into a kiss as his hands up her hips to her back. He pushed her up against door of the apartment, shocking her mouth open. Sheldon starting kissing her neck and feeling his breasts under his wandering hands. Soon, kissing wasn't enough; he had to feel her. "I want to feel your every pore Amy, Please let me make love to you again. Experiment be damned."

"Please Sheldon, Please take me!" He pulled off her shirt, pushed her skirt up and pulled down her panties. Within a minute, he was rocking her against the door, hearing her moan in his ear again, calling his name. Her beautiful neck was a feast for him as his body pushed up against her in wave after pulsing wave. Her nails dug into his back as her screams were growing. He had to make her know he wanted her, he always wanted her. When he felt that constriction wave pulse over him, he thrust into her again, over and over again, till his ears ached from hearing her moans and his throat hurt from his. He moved his mouth to hers again and kissed her again as he rode his own orgasm.

He opened his eyes to see his erotic vision had disappeared. Amy was still standing before him, dressed. She was still kissing him with a closed mouth and warm lips. Only a few seconds had passed. It was a fantasy. The problem was, it was HIS fantasy. He would find out later, the first of many. _Sheldon Cooper does not have sexual fantasies!_ At least, he didn't. The Pandora's box of coitus had been opened. Sheldon pulled away in alarm from Amy, but he didn't let her go. He just looked at her, hoping for a reason not to want her, not to hold her anymore. He let his brain fight the battle his heart had lost.

"Good night Amy." He released her. "Thank you for participating in the experiment. I will send my evaluation and conclusions to you for review. I trust you will do the same within the required time frame." He had straightened up his back, lowered his voice to professor volume.

Amy closed her eyes and licked her lips, "Yes Sheldon." She reached down and retrieved her bag. "I know how to conclude an experiment. Better than you do." Amy took a deep sigh, "Good night." She turned on her heels and head out the door. Sheldon slowly pushed the door closed and kept his hands on the frame. He remembered something he said from so long ago:

_Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship._

When he pondered that question aloud, he couldn't believe the words crossed his lips. He was curious; all the talk of coitus and discussion of how they would commit their subterfuge against Amy's mother had started a topic he had never considered before meeting her. However, he saw the look of disdain and confusion on her face. He quickly took it back, pulling back his blunder at revealing his desire. It was obvious at the time that Amy Farrah Fowler had no interest in such an activity. If she had opened up the discussion, he probably would have balked anyway, he wasn't ready. Sheldon Cooper was the master of hiding and ignoring his desires. The problem was, he didn't know if wanted to let go of them, just yet.

Sheldon's only solace was that he would get a good sleep tonight. After a weekend filled with coitus, he needed a rest. He couldn't wait to get to his bed, curl up with his new favorite pillow and sleep the night away. He went to the bedroom to retrieve his pajamas, and stopped in horror at scene. Amy Farrah Fowler had changed the sheets. He ran to the bed, pulling down the covers, hoping that he would find… NO! She changed the pillow case. Of course she would, she put the Star Wars sheets on and it would unheard that the pillow cases wouldn't match. He slumped on the bed and held the pillow to his nose; the smell of his fabric softener filled his olfactory senses, nothing more. He threw it back on the bed in disgust. The fresh flowers were gone and he wanted them back. He could ask Amy for her shampoo, use it on his sheets. But he would have to ask and he wasn't ready to do that.

Back at her apartment, Amy lifted her soapy feet out the hot bubbles and placed them on the cold tile wall. She needed to think, and a bath was the best way for her to gather her thoughts. Sheldon's actions tonight were the most telling: He enjoyed dinner, the shopping, the talking, the laughing. He pulled away from their kiss early and then turned into ice. She had to accept the fact that he would not want coitus as part of the relationship. Amy had to decide, does she want coitus more than Sheldon, because she can't have both. If she pushes it, he will run away. It was an easy decision, and one she had made for 3 years: Sheldon was more important than coitus. However, that was before she had sex. Now she knows what she will be missing. At least, she had the experience with him. If she wanted to keep Sheldon, it would have to be enough.

She emerged from the bath after the water had run cold. She dressed and readied herself for bed, but not before pulling off her pillow case and replacing the one she stole from Sheldon's bed. Eventually, he will find it missing, but she didn't care; once his scent evaporated, she would sneak it back in his room and return it. She wanted something from that morning she could hold on to. She wrapped her arms around her new favorite pillow and drank in his scent.


	11. Chapter 11: When the Cat's Away…

**A/N: In celebration for the show tonight, I wanted to post this right away! I just have to say, I wrote this chapter BEFORE I read any reviews. (looking at you ChaliceInnana. ) By the way, if you guys haven't read Santa Barbara conduit, it is one of my favorites. **

**Now, who's ready to kill these two yet? **

* * *

**Schrödinger's Coitus: When the Cat's Away…**

* * *

Monday morning was a nightmare. Sheldon had hardly slept and he was cranky as a crotchety old woman and just as barky. Leonard was surprised at his friend's demeanor, "Sheldon! You had sex all weekend! You should be a great mood! Instead, you're acting like spoiled child. Who cares if your Oatmeal took 30 seconds longer to cook!"

"It's false advertising Leonard. I don't like being taken in by Madison Avenue's lies and deceit. If they put on the box it takes 2 minutes, then by god it should take 2 minutes. " Sheldon thought, why can't things say what they mean? Why the deceit? If something is written, it should be honest, and not have an ulterior motive or hidden agenda. Sheldon hated lying. "I expect a cylindrical carton with a Quaker on it to have some semblance of honesty. IS that too much to ask?"

"Can we get back to the fact that you had sex all weekend?"

Sheldon pushed past Leonard, "No. We cannot get back to that Leonard." Sheldon's voice had a hint of sadness to it.

"But last night, when I saw you with Amy, you looked so happy! What happened? Did she break up with you?"

Sheldon jumped back like he was punched in the throat, "NO! Why would you say that?" His voice squeaked with fear and surprise.

"Because you're acting like something terrible happened! Like.. I don't know…Who are you so mad at?"

"Me. Leonard. I am mad at ME! For buying this hokum filled carton of deceit and lies." He threw the carton down in disgust.

"Boy, you're pissed this morning…"

Sheldon took a deep breath, "I'm not "pissed", Leonard. I just have a lot on my mind. I have to re-write the survey, we need to buy more tea..."

"Wait, why do we need more tea?"

"I am out of Lemon Zest, Leonard. I can't have an un-stocked tea box!"

"Just drink different one!"

"OH, sure… Just turn into to a tea harlot, picking anyone at random just because it feels good. Honestly, do you hear yourself, Leonard? I wonder who raised you?"

The drive over was quiet. Sheldon looked out the window and focused on the flowers whizzing by his view. He reached down and lowered the window to try and smell them, but they were going by too fast. Leonard finally broke the silence.

"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but…"

Sheldon continued to look at the window, his voice seemed far away, "If you know I don't, then why are you?"

"Because sometimes people have talk about things they don't want to. "

"I don't."

"You need to start." Leonard looked back at the road.

Once at work, Sheldon thought he would find some solace. He was stuck on one equation all day. Around lunch time, Leonard entered the room just as Sheldon pushed the white board that he was working on the floor in complete frustration. "Hey buddy, you okay?"

"NO Leonard, I am not okay. This one equation is driving me crazy."

Leonard picked up the board and looked at it. It was a simple equation, especially for Sheldon. "Hey buddy, just use Euler-Lagrange equation. Look here…"

"I don't want to use that equation."

"Why not? It is the best way, it's easy."

"No Leonard it is not **easy**. I should be able to figure this out on my own, with some fancy equation making me feel good and tempting me. I need to do it on my own."

"Why? Why do something on your own when doing it with something that else someone came up with works just as well? That's not efficient, Sheldon or smart. You're smarter than that."

Sheldon slammed down the marker, "If I am so smart, how come I couldn't come up with this equation on my own? I don't need some fancy formula from the 1700's to tell me how to do math."

Leonard was lost, "Then don't! Don't use it, be miserable! Recreate the wheel and when you're done, you'll realize the solution was standing in front of you the whole time and you wasted years ignoring it. You were just too stubborn and prideful to use it. Now let's go to lunch!"

Leonard stormed out of the room. Sheldon touched the white board with his finger, doing the same equations he had done on Amy's hip bone over the weekend. He took a deep breath and left the room.

Sheldon slumped off to lunch, however his bad day was just beginning. Just as he entered the lunch room, Raj, Howard jumped up and started applauding him. He had a cake waiting for him with the words, "Congrats on losing your V-Card." Sheldon's was in no mood. He rolled his eyes, pushed the cake out of the way and poked at his salad.

Howard was beaming, "Well, homo novus, welcome to the human race. I hope your weekend was a smashing success!"

Raj started giggling, 'Yes, smashing! As in smashing into each other!" Sheldon's quiet death stare didn't quiet the peanut gallery. "You must be starving, Sheldon. Please, have some cake. It's cherry flavored…"

"Gentlemen, this weekend was about science, nothing more."

"Sure it was Sheldon, the science of love…" Raj raised his brows up and down, but Sheldon ignored him.

Just as Howard was about to make another jab at Sheldon, Amy Farrah Fowler stormed in the room, scanned the scene and made a bee line for the table. Her face was flush and her eyes were narrow with a piercing green glow. All the men were fixed on her as she stood at the head of the table and looked down at the cake with fuming ire and disgust.

"Listen up you three, you may think it's hysterical that you are able to make fun of Sheldon for our weekend, but you are forgetting something."

Howard swallowed hard, and meekly asked, "What?"

"You are making a mockery of me as well and it is very hurtful. I don't appreciate my sex life advertised all over Cal-Tech."

"We didn't say anything!" Leonard hadn't said anything, except to Raj. Probably his first mistake.

Amy crossed her arms, "Well, the bunch balloons with 'popping cherry' written on them that are being delivered as we speak to Sheldon's office sure did the trick. Everyone knows I am dating Sheldon!"

Howard and Raj looked at each other in pained guilt. Sheldon was twitching in anger. "You DID WHAT?"

Amy wasn't done, "I am not here for your amusement, gentleman. Next time you think about poking fun at Sheldon, you think what that means. He wasn't alone this weekend. I was there too. Did you at once think what it meant to me? For you to belittle that experience…" Amy looked down and took a deep breath. She lowered her tone to a growl, "Howard, just ask your wife if I have stones to throw down. Because so help me, if I hear one more thing about what Sheldon and I did this weekend, you'll need one of your robots to walk." Raj looked at Howard, "You too star boy!" Amy stormed off. Then she stopped and returned to the table, cut a piece of cake, slammed the knife down and stormed off, cake in hand.

"What she said!" Sheldon stormed off, then returned, grabbed the whole cake and left.

Raj looked down at the crumbles left of dessert, "Oh man, I really wanted a piece of cake!"

Howard quickly reached for his phone.

Leonard looked over and asked, "Howard, what are you doing? Calling to apologize to Amy?"

Howard swallowed hard and said, "No, cancelling the singing telegram."

Leonard was the voice of reason, "Look guys, I think you should dial back the taunts for now. Sheldon is acting weird."

Howard held his hand over the phone and added, "That's a permanent condition, Leonard." _Oh yes, I need to cancel a singing telegram for Dr. Sheldon Cooper… Yes… the stripper in a lab coat… Yes.. thank you…_" Okay done. Too bad, she does a great impression of a centrifuge…"

"Guys, no more teasing! Listen, I think Sheldon needs time to work this out. He could lose Amy over this."

Raj looked horrified, "There is no way he would lose her. She loves him!"

"Well, love can only go so far. You saw her face. She didn't even look at him." Leonard looked back at the door where Sheldon stormed off. He was really worried for his friend. Also, he didn't want to deal with any more cats.

"I thought that was because she was pissed at us."

Leonard lowered his voice and looked around, "No, I mean, I think this weekend meant something, and he can't deal with it. Not yet anyway."

Later that night, during dinner on the couch, Sheldon was unusually quiet. The guys made a pact not to tease him, but they were getting concerned.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry we teased you today, but do you want to talk about things. I think we all would understand."

Sheldon laughed, "Ha! Like any of you baser urges addicts could understand. Look. This was a science experiment, nothing more. It is over now. We will prove that ours is the strongest relationship. We can withstand anything, even coitus, without it effecting our lo…. Feelings for each other. " Sheldon went to get a bottle of water. He looked over at the box of teas and lifted the lid, thumbing through the selections. He then slammed the lid shut and resumed his seat on the couch.

Raj tried a different tactic, "Well, good for you Sheldon!"

Sheldon looked at him suspiciously, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you were able to have sex, and it meant nothing. I mean, that is every guy's dream huh? You really fooled her." Raj looked at Leonard with a smile while he took a drink off his beer.

"I didn't fool her! It meant something! Just not what you grunting sex addicts think! It was for science."

"Oh, sure science." Howard held up his fingers and made the quote sign, "If I thought I could have gotten laid using a science experiment as a ruse, well, I should …."

Sheldon sat up, "It was not to get just "get laid"! As you so crudely put it."

"Having sex and it meaning nothing is the definition of just getting laid, Sheldon. It is just to feel good and get you off, nothing more." Howard added coldly, "I should know."

"It was not just to get me off, it meant something. It was amazing.. It was…." Sheldon stopped and took a breath, "It was amazing science. That's all. I didn't enjoy it, it was just to prove a point. That's all." His words lost their punch as he finished the sentence, almost to a whisper.

Leonard popped in the conversation, "Well, don't worry, Sheldon. You proved it. It's over now. You never ever have to experience that unpleasant incident again. Ever."

Sheldon sat up again and walked over to the kettle, then the tea box, looked through the selections and slammed the lid closed.

* * *

Amy decided to forgo the traditional trip to the Cheesecake Factory Tuesday night and go out with Penny, Emily and Bernie instead. Penny hated being reminded of her time as a waitress, and frankly there were still tables there waiting for their food. After the screams and giggles and retelling of torrid details, Amy took a somber tone, "I just couldn't tell him then. I mean come on? Tea? What kind of fool does he think I am?" Amy took a drink off her wine. Thank god, she wasn't driving tonight, Penny was DD.

"Ames, why not tell him you liked it? Why not ask him if he did? You didn't ask him about it, during his rant? Confront him?"

"I will, but if I did it then, he would bolt. He needs time to stew, and digest. Like his mother always say,"You have to take your time with Shelly." I have to stay away this week, give him some room, and let Sheldon realize what he wants. I also have to face the fact, that he may not be ready for it. I am placing my pieces on the board, marking my territory."

Emily asked, "Like chess?"

"No, like Go. Giving him enough room to move. I don't want to trap him, I want him to admit his feelings."

* * *

Sheldon was looking forward to seeing Amy tonight; another chance to see her and smell that aroma that has tempted him awake for two nights. He was surprised to find the table set up for four.

"Where is everyone going to sit?"

"Oh, the girls went out together tonight. Didn't Amy tell you? Bernie wrote me earlier."

"Emily too."

"and Penny…"

Sheldon looked at his phone, no calls or texts from Amy, "No, she didn't tell me…" Sheldon looked confused as he slumped in his seat.

Howard smirked devilishly, "Well, well, well… Looks like we can see the results of your study, Sheldon. Your relationship can't withstand the scrutiny of coitus."

"What? Of course it can!"

"OH really, genius. Then how is it that your girlfriend is the only one who didn't tell you they weren't coming tonight? HUH?"

Sheldon's eyes darted around, "She didn't have to. We are so strong, we don't need to know each other's every move. We aren't attached at the hip, you know."

Raj giggled, "No, that was this weekend."

Sheldon glared at him, "ANYWAY, how long will they be out tonight?"

"I don't know, maybe around 10. Why?

Sheldon looked at his watch, " Leonard, we need to make a stop on the way home…"

"Where?"

"Amy's."

Later that night, Penny found Sheldon in the Laundry room. "Whaddya doing here, Sheldon? It's not Saturday." Penny needed to get the stain out of her blouse before work in the morning. Uncharacteristically, Penny didn't smell of alcohol after a girl's night. Sheldon couldn't dwell on that fact, he had to watch the laundry. "Penny, I needed to wash some sheets, that's all." He turned around and asked, "Did you go out with Amy tonight?"

Penny smirked at him, "Yes, Sheldon. I did." She couldn't help smiling and tried to bite her lip to contain her mirth. "Oh, and you can't take your non-disclosure and shove it. Amy said, "Since the terms of the non-disclosure agreement were violated by the aforementioned party, the contract is null and void. She made me memorize it. SO neer neer" Penny stuck her tongue out at him.

"Vixen! I knew she would get around it. Well, the cat has been out of the bag and has been for a while…" He looked at her and blinked his eyes. Penny smirked at him, "Amy spoke very highly of you. I know that's what you wanted to ask." Sheldon cocked his head, "Well of course she did. Why wouldn't she? Did she say something about us?" Sheldon's voice sounded strained.

Penny loaded the washer, "Let's just say, Amy was very pleased with how your experiment went this weekend. Very pleased indeed." Sheldon took a deep breath, "Oh good, nothing about breaking up with me?" Penny looked confused, "No… Although she was worried the same about you. Strange."

"Why would she worry about that?"

Penny looked at Sheldon and shook her head, "Frankly Sheldon, I would be too. I mean, you have mind blowing great sex and you don't want to continue it? You're an idiot."

Sheldon took a huge swallow and smiled, "Did she really say 'mind blowing'?"

Penny smirked, "Yes, Sheldon. Yes she did. OH, and you're foaming."

Sheldon reached up to wipe his mouth. "No Sheldon, your washer, it's foaming. What did you put in there?"

Sheldon rushed to his washer to stop the flow of foam overflowing from the washer. It was erupting like a soap volcano, "OH Man!"

"Did you change soap? What is that?"

"Shampoo."

"Sheldon! You can't put shampoo in a washer! You know better!" Penny turned off the washer and pulled out the fabric. There were only two pillow cases. 'I thought you were washing sheets, why are you using Shampoo?" Penny noted the fabric smelled great, something she caught a whiff of before, but she couldn't place it.

Sheldon looked around and grabbed his basket, "I..um.. spilled shampoo on my pillow case, and I was washing it out…" He started rinsing the case in the sink. He wrung it out, sniffed it and had a smile on his face before he placed it in the dryer. Penny looked at him like he was making a homemade nuclear reactor out of cookie dough.

"Sheldon! What in the hell were you doing that you had shampoo on your pillow case?" Sheldon looked away from Penny and darted his wide eyes around for an answer. He had nothing. Time for a subject change.

"Oh, I tripped… Tell me Penny, how is the new job going?" Sheldon had to listen to 35 minutes of the internal politics of drug companies, doctor's offices and how hard it is to get around Los Angeles during rush hour. All Sheldon could do was watch his pillow case tumble in the dryer. He could finally sleep tonight. Hopefully, Amy wouldn't notice the missing shampoo from her apartment or that he had reset her oven clock again.

That night, as he laid in bed, snuggled up to his new favorite pillow, he reminisced about the last time he breathed in the heavenly aroma. He woke up under her, snuggled into her bosom. She was soft, softer than the cold cotton below his head now. And warm. He closed his eyes and brushed an imaginary strand of hair off the pillow. He kissed the pillow and ground his body against his bed, thinking back to that afternoon. Sheldon was very proud of his smug plan to recover his new favorite scent. Sure, breaking and entering was technically illegal, but she gave him a key for emergencies. Not being able to sleep for two nights straight was an emergency, in his mind. Should he have asked? Technically, yes, he should have asked her. But then he would have had to admit he wanted the scent. He wanted something of that weekend to hold on to. Sheldon Cooper shouldn't want anything but science. Everything else was a distraction. Science was all he needed. Science, and his new favorite pillow.

Wednesday was Halo night, but the guys decided to give Sheldon some much needed alone time. Frankly, they were sick of his moodiness. He was snappy as a turtle and just as slow. Anytime someone asked him something, he was lost in thought. Sometimes he had a smile on his face, but when he was interrupted, his eyes had the fire of Hades. He welcomed the break on Wednesday; he had to work on the new survey. He spent the evening crafting the questions. This time, his questions were more honest, open ended and more in keeping with a science experiment. He still didn't send it to Amy. He sat on his spot pondering Amy's reaction while drinking a cup of plain water. He still couldn't decide on tea, but he put kettle on, just in case he did.

Just then, he heard a knock at the door, he rose to answer: It was Amy.

"Amy! What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to stop by, I brought you some tea. I saw that you were out, and I know how you hate an un-stocked tea box." Amy went to the kitchen, opened the box of Lemon Zest, and stocked Sheldon's tea stash. "Can I fix you cup?"

"Please, I would love a cup of Lemon Zest, I missed it, if you want to know the truth."

Amy fixed a perfect brew, and set it down on the coffee table in front of Sheldon. "You know, Sheldon, I have been thinking about our experiment, and I don't think we did it right."

"Really? How so?" His voice lowered as he inched toward her."Do you think we need to it again?"

Amy started unbuttoning her sweater, "Yes, again. Over and over again. I am just not sure. I need more data, Sheldon. I can't decide. Help me decide, Sheldon. Please. I need you." Suddenly, Amy was naked on top of him kissing his neck and chest. She moved her hand down to his pants, "Tell me Sheldon, what is phase 4? Better yet…" She pulled off his belt and ripped open his pants with her teeth, "let's just jump to phase 5, shall we?" Just then, the kettle whistle broke his concentration and he jumped up to turn it off. He looked around, he was alone. The fantasies were getting more intense lately. He looked down at his pants, and he found his belt was undone. He had to get them under control… Under control.. He tried not to think about Amy with his belt tied around her waist being pulled into him from behind as he slapped her ass so hard the sound sliced through the air. Sheldon shook his head. He had to get his baser urges under control and fast.

Unfortunately for Sheldon, he had to see Amy tomorrow night. Fortunately for Sheldon, he had to see Amy tomorrow night.

Soon enough, it was Thursday: date night. Sheldon had missed numerous dates during his absence, so he was contractually obligated to make them up every Thursday for a month. This was the last makeup date but Amy was unclear if Sheldon was still up for seeing her. She hadn't heard from him since Sunday, other than the obligatory good morning text, 'I had lunch' text, 'I just got home' text, and 'I didn't kill anyone today over oatmeal' Text. Amy knew Sheldon was running scared. She was not in the mood to play games anymore. Finally around 5:00PM, Amy received a Skype call on her Ipad at work; it was Sheldon looking nervously happy.

"Good afternoon Amy Farrah Fowler."

"Good Afternoon Dr. Cooper, what do I owe the pleasure?" Amy was a little cold. If Sheldon didn't call for tonight's scheduled date, she had a backup plan of getting hammered with Penny at the local watering hole and stopping at the store to buy more shampoo. She was out for some reason.

"I was calling to inquire about our date." Sheldon voiced seemed distant, like he was thinking of another topic while he spoke. His eyes were focused on Amy's mouth.

"I wasn't sure if you were still interested in having the date, Sheldon. I haven't heard from you."

"Whether or not I am interested is immaterial, I am obligated to go. You know that Amy."

"Well, I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to do."

"It never stopped you before..."He said flatly.

Amy narrowed her eyes to slits and jutted her jaw out, "You know what Sheldon, don't worry about it. You're off the hook, and I will send you the survey for your review in the required time frame. Good Night." She canceled the call.

20 minutes later, Sheldon was at her lab door, just as she was about to leave. She almost ran into him, "Oh Sheldon! What are you doing here?" Amy stepped back so she would put some distance between her and Sheldon. He took a step closer and closed the gap.

"Amy, it's our date night. You can't cancel without written notice."

"Well, you didn't seem to want to go. Besides, I will see you Saturday."

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Amy… Date night is part of the relationship agreement. Saturday is just for…"

They said it at the same time, "The science experiment…" Amy continued, trying not to smell Sheldon's pheromones wafting towards her, "I know, Sheldon. But I don't want you to go if you don't want to. Do you want to go on a date?"

Sheldon didn't answer. He just stared at her mouth. She asked again, "Do you want to go with me, Sheldon?"

Still nothing.

"If you can't tell me what you want, how am I supposed to know?" Amy walked past him, "Anyway. See you Saturday." He reached out and grabbed her hand to stop her, and pulled away quickly, but it worked, she turned around.

"Umm.. If we don't go on a date, then I will still owe you a date, ergo, my schedule would be off. I hate it when my schedule is disrupted."

"So, you're going out with me to avoid a discomfort."

"Yes." He didn't want to say the discomfort was not seeing her. He didn't bother to clarify his answer.

Amy took in a sharp breath, "If you are not obligated to take me out on a date, then your schedule would remain the same. I would not want you to have your life disrupted for something you didn't want. I will see you Saturday." She walked past him and he grabbed her arm, holding it. The touch was gentle but firm. Amy turned to look at him. 'Yes?"

Sheldon squeaked out an answer, "I… Want to go…" His head was lowered and his eyes were looking down.

Amy smiled widely, "I do too."

"Well then why all the fuss?"

"Sheldon, you should be able to tell me what you want without me having to read between the lines. We should be honest with each other." They were walking toward her car as they continued the conversation.

Sheldon snorted, "This coming from the woman who played sick for four days so I would take care of her."

Amy stopped, "You're right. I should have told you I liked you taking care of me. But then you would have stopped and I didn't want you to. " She walked closer to him, he had slowed down and looked at her, "We need to be honest with each other Sheldon and risk the backlash. I won't always be able to read between the lines."

Sheldon looked down at her with china blue eyes, "Amy, you are the only one who can."

Amy smiled at him. She was the only one who could understand him, " I will try and work on it, can you do the same?"

Sheldon looked down at his feet, "I will try… but sometimes…"

Amy added to his thought, "I know, it's hard to be honest with someone about your wants and desires…"

Sheldon finished, "When you don't even know yourself."

They decided to grab some take out and head back to Sheldon's for another game of Go. Amy was quickly getting addicted to the game, and Sheldon wanted to redeem his 0-2 losing streak. By the end of the night, he was at 0-5, but he didn't care, he head wasn't in the game. Amy's presence back at the apartment was comforting. She brought him a cup of tea, without asking him. It was a perfect brew.

"What kind is this Amy?"

"Orange spice, you're out of lemon zest. Still citrus, I hope it is okay. I thought you needed hot beverage."

"Why? I am not in distress."

"You will be after this game, pal. Good thing we aren't playing for clothes anymore or you would be buck naked by now, Dr. Cooper." Amy smirked in her tea and watched Sheldon's eyes roam over her body. He focused on her bare legs. "Your turn, Sheldon."

"Umm what? Oh yes… sorry… zone… Let's see. " They continued their game, but Sheldon was distracted and he had been all night. He noticed her supple lips move as she spoke of work. She was saying something about monkeys and the lab, but Sheldon wasn't listening. He was looking at her neck which was peaking out of her cardigan. Her hands were on her knees, which were bare this evening. When she got up to get more tea, Sheldon noticed her tight skirt and how the fabric hugged her hips. He remembered writing on her hips, and then holding them. He remembered holding onto them as he pulled her into him, over and over again. Once she turned around, her hair flared out like a sunburst, like it was on his pillow. He was almost quivering remembering the weekend. He didn't hear a word till she said, "I had better head out, Sheldon. Hey listen, I still haven't gotten that new survey, are you sure you don't want me to do the old one?"

"NO! No… no.. Don't do that.. In fact, delete it. Please. Here, take my lap top, and log in and delete it…" Sheldon ran over to his red lap top and brought it back to Amy. "Sheldon! I can do it when I get home. Don't worry. But the fact remains. I need the survey, or I can just write my own conclusions. I know how to write a report on an experiment, ya know!"

Sheldon sat up, "I know that! I based the experiment off one of yours anyway."

"You did?"

"Of course! I wanted the best, and you are an impeccable scientists Amy. Too bad you waste your talents on …."

"Sheldon, quit while you're ahead…" Amy got up and grabbed her purse. Sheldon had to make a decision. He wanted more than to just kiss her tonight. He wanted to hold her closer. All he had to do was ask.

Amy walked toward the door, "Well, good night."

Sheldon shuffled his feet, "Oh um, it's date night. Aren't you forgetting something?" He looked up at her with a wide puppy dog eyes.

Amy looked around and then said, "Oh, of course." She walked over to Sheldon, grabbed on by the shoulders and pulled him into her. As he was kissing her, she spoke with her lips fused with his, "Did I mention that the monkeys broke the centrifuge?"

"No." Sheldon was not amused that his kiss was being interrupted by Amy's pedantic ramblings.

"Well, they did." Amy pulled away exactly 15 seconds later. "Good Night." Amy turned and left Sheldon standing there, his lips were still perched in the kiss. He heard the door close and opened his eyes and took a deep sigh.


	12. Chapter 12:Cat in gloves catches no mice

**Schrödinger's Coitus: C****at in gloves catches no mice**

* * *

The last thing Amy wanted to do was to call Sheldon. Actually, that was untrue, it was all she wanted to do, but not that day. Her plan to give him space this week was proving difficult. However, she had to find out when to meet, and why he hadn't sent the evaluation. She knew exactly why he was procrastinating, but she needed to push him a little. It was time to take the gloves off once and for all.

It was all she could do to give him a chaste kiss last night. After she left the apartment, she ran to a tantivy down three flights of stairs before she let out a breath. How could she possible kiss him again if he took coitus away? It was much easier to resist him when she didn't know any better. However, she also knew that coitus was a tremendous strain on their relationship. She needed to know what he wanted and how to proceed. She needed data for format her conclusions in the manner specified in the report. She called Sheldon on Skype before she left work.

"Hello, Amy Farrah Fowler, what do I owe the pleasure?" Sheldon seemed unusually chipper, not unlike a plastic bird chirping on a toy; fake and noisy. His eyes gave him away, blood-shot and unfocused.

"Hello Sheldon, I am sorry to disturb you, but I need some more data from you to write up my conclusions." She smiled sweetly, oblivious to the gravity of her request.

Sheldon said nothing, just looked at her with a faraway look, licked his lips and swallowed hard. Amy waited, but he said nothing, "Sheldon… Did you hear me?"

Sheldon whispered to her with a hoarse voice, almost shaking, "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I need more data."

"That's what I thought you said." Sheldon let out a whimper. Then he lowered his voice and moved toward the camera, "What do you have in mind?"

"Umm.. The survey Sheldon, I need the survey.."

Sheldon demeanor changed on a dime, "OH that! Well, I um… am still working on it… Forgive the late hour." He looked away for a moment, then he refocused on the camera with an intense stare and a devilish grin, " Perhaps we can meet tomorrow at noon, have lunch and discuss it together. It's been a crazy week. I haven't had time…"

Amy cocked her head in exasperation. She hated being late on work, even if the assignment was so enticing, "I'll do it. I have time tonight, Sheldon. Don't worry. I will send it to this evening. I have most of my report done anyway."

Sheldon leaned forward, "No! I will do it! I just need to work a few things out."

"I could help, ya know? I was there!"

His voiced lowered, "OH, I know you were there, Amy. "

"I think I can come up with a survey. It's only a small portion of the conclusion anyway.."

"A small portion, what do you mean? Do you have yours done?"

"Partly, but as I said, I need more data."

"What does it say?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow. Do you want me to pick up some food for lunch? Or just have our meeting?

Sheldon looked blankly at her. He had to make another decision. His mind was awash in decisions he couldn't make. He needed more data, too. Vast amounts of data. "Umm… Umm.."

Amy saw his blank look and took the reins of the conversation before Sheldon steered them into oblivion, "I will be there at noon, I will bring things to make sandwiches, and we will talk. See how you feel, okay?" She had a soft comforting tone that Sheldon loved. He took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh, "Yes, that's sounds lovely. See you then."

At noon on Saturday, Sheldon heard that triple knock that made his heart jump. Amy was finally there; really there, not a fantasy. He answered the door with a wide smile that even surprised him. She had a large brown bag filled with groceries of food. "Good afternoon, Amy, please come in."

"Hello Sheldon, let me put this away." Amy walked over to Sheldon' kitchen and started working on the lunch.

"What did you bring, Amy?" Sheldon was starving, it didn't matter if she brought lamb stew served in a dirty sock, he might have eaten it. He had been indecisive for days. Last night he couldn't decide what game the guys should play, or what Chinese food to eat. Luckily, he had a clothing schedule or he would be naked still deciding on a shirt.

"I will make those sandwiches you enjoy so much."

"Those yummy ones with the bacon cut up?" Sheldon almost jumped out of his skin.

"Yes, Sheldon. " She didn't ask him what he wanted, she knew. He didn't know which was more enticing, the smell of bacon cooking or woman making it; it was a tossup. In about 10 minutes, he had the perfect sandwich. "Thank you Amy, I haven't eaten much today, so I was very hungry."

"You know that changes in your diet can affect your cognitive functions, Sheldon."

Sheldon barely breathed through bites. He had finished his sandwich and Amy took his plate to the sink, "I know Amy, which I why I must confess, I haven't been able to complete the survey. But technically, I have until tomorrow."

Amy almost dropped the plate, "Tomorrow?!" She was devastated. She wanted the conversation concerning coitus over with sooner than later and get her answer. "You said Saturday? Why do you think you have one more day? " She tried not to sound whiny, but she failed.

Sheldon walked over to her, standing close enough he could feel the fuss of her sweater on his arm. "We didn't finish the experiment till Sunday."

"Damn…" He was right, technically, they didn't complete the experiment until Sunday.

Sheldon ignored her curse word, " Remember, it was Sunday afternoon?" He was standing behind her, watching her over her shoulder as she cleaned the plate. Her hair was close enough to his face, he could smell her shampoo. Amy turned around and placed her hands on the counter, jutting out her chest slightly, "Oh, I remember Sunday afternoon, Sheldon. Vividly."

"Yes, as do I."

Amy noticed his darkened pupils. He was looking at her lips again. She smiled, looked down at her grocery bag and asked nonchalantly, "Oh, would you like some tea?"

Sheldon took a huge sigh and eyed her up and down, "Oh god, I want some tea. So much… You have no idea how much I want tea."

Amy eyes twinkled at his statement, "What kind would you like?"

Sheldon walked over to the tea box and opened it, "I think I know what I want, but…"

Amy bent down in front of Sheldon and pulled out a box of Lemon zest, "I picked this up for you, I knew you were out." Amy opened the carton and put the tea in the box. "So, do you have any idea what kind you want?" Amy voice was low and husky as she pushed the opened tea box over to Sheldon. She had her hand on her hip and a smirk on her mouth that he didn't see as she waited for his decision. "Time to choose."

He looked down with a devilish smile creep up on his lips, "Oh I know, now. I want this one." He wasn't looking at the tea box.

"Are you sure?"

"Very, very sure. Please put on the kettle." Sheldon pulled out the new Lemon zest package and rubbed his fingers on it as he watched Amy fill the kettle. He put the package to his nose as he watched her from behind. She was wearing a short beige tight jean skirt and no tights. Her light green cardigan hugged her hips.

"You know Amy… I have discovered a problem with our experiment, and, as scientists, I'm a little surprised we didn't catch it." He moved closer to her and reached behind her to grab some tea mugs. His chest rubbed against her back as he brought down two mugs. He didn't move back. "In fact, I fear the whole experiment is in jeopardy."

Amy drew in a sharp breath at his sudden and uncharacteristic contact. His chest was warm against her back, "Oh my, that's unfortunate. What did we overlook?"

Sheldon lowered his voice. Amy turned around and looked at his face, she could see his pupils were darkened, "Biological experiments are always done in triplicate, to insure validity. We failed to initiate the required replication in our initial study."

Amy swallowed deeply and placed a hand on her chest, "Oh, I should've caught that. You're absolutely right, Sheldon. It's called a technical replicate. It insures the validity in the standard deviation. Without, we might as well throw out the whole the experiment. " Amy lowered her voice and licked her lips, "How should we correct for it?"

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Well, I think there are two choices. Either we abandon the experiment." He placed both hands on either side of her the counter, "Or we have to repeat it. Twice more."

Amy adjusted her glasses and held the counter behind her, placing her hands next to Sheldon's, "Twice more?" Amy drew in a breath and looked at him with an intense stare, "Well, Sheldon what do you Want to do?"

Sheldon didn't hesitate, "I think we should repeat it. I would hate to have all our efforts to be in vain."

"I concur. _When_ should we… umm…. Repeat the experiment?" Amy brushed her hair off her neck. Sheldon was watching her hands moved across her skin as he licked his lips. "Now, Amy. I think we should it now." Just then, the kettle whistle blew, jarring Sheldon attention from Amy. He looked back at her to make sure it wasn't a fantasy again. It wasn't. She was standing there, plump rose colored lips, darkened pupils, heavy breath with piercing green eyes watching him. He let out a sigh in relief that she was real.

Sheldon grabbed Amy quickly by the hand and lead her to the bed room. Amy asked while walking, "umm.. How should we do this, Sheldon? Should we take a nap, like before?

Sheldon pulled her into the bedroom, and closed the door. He moved over to her, and started unbuttoning her cardigan, "Yes, just like before. We have to repeat the conditions. Except, you take too long getting undressed. I will have to help you."

Amy watched his hands move over her buttons quickly while she kicked off her shoes. He pulled off her sweater and immediately worked on her blouse, "My god woman, how long does it take you get dressed? All these clasps and buttons, it's like a haberdashery based nightmare. " Amy was barely listening, she was too busy wondering if this was one of her fantasies. Sheldon had pulled off her blouse and had his hands behind her back, fiddling with her bra strap. Her hands had moved to his hem and started pulling off his shirts. Sheldon stopped his work on Amy's bra and pulled off his shirts in one motion, "See, easy. No fancy gadgets."

As Amy watched him removed his shirts, she had undone her skirt, which fell to the floor. She was standing in front of him in matching light blue lace bra and pantie set. He took a second to look at her and catch his breath. He reached around her back, but she stopped him; he pulled back his hands in alarm, but she smiled. "It's okay, Sheldon, here." She popped open the clasp from the front, and let the lace garment fall off her shoulders slowly to the floor. Sheldon wanted to touch her, but the experiment called for them to be in bed. He looked down at her, pulled off her glasses and her hair clip. That stubborn stand of hair fell on her face again. He lightly pushed it aside and starting walking her toward the bed. She sat on the edge of the bed, but before he could join her, her hands were working on his belt. Flashes of his fantasy played in his head for a moment, till he realized reality was better. He quickly took over the removal of his pants and Amy crawled into bed, waiting under the covers.

After he climbed in, he was unsure how to proceed, "I'm not really tired, Amy." He was staring up at the ceiling.

"Nor am I." She was on her back as well, staring at the same phantom spot on the ceiling.

"But I guess we have to sleep for the conditions…"

Amy turned on her side, "You do realize we can bypass the conditions of sleep to induce my arousal if you would allow me to expand the parameters." She moved closer to Sheldon, but didn't touch him.

Sheldon bit his lip and turned on his side as well, "Oh, really… Okay, well. We have proximity. But.."

Amy reached out and touched his face, "We need to expand that phase. Also, phase 1.5 is critical." Amy moved her mouth within a centimeter of Sheldon's mouth, still not touching him with her body. He could feel the heat off her chest that lightly touched his. She took one finger and outlined his hairline, past his temple, around his ear. He could almost feel her pulse through her finger tip. By the time her hand reached his neck, he had pulled her by the waist into a heated kiss. His lips ran over her mouth like the rim of a cup, licking the taste before taking her into mouth again.

Their naked bodies were fused together while their tongues danced against each other. Amy didn't censor her hands actions, she pulled his neck closer, feeling his strong shoulders under her finger tips and nails. Sheldon's hands moved over her body without prejudice; he wanted to feel every inch of her skin under his hand. Amy's mouth moved off his lips; she needed a breath, but what she needed more was to kiss his neck. Sheldon arched his neck at the new sensation, "Amy… What.. a…oh..."

She spoke to him through her kisses, "Expanding the parameters in order to accelerate progress toward the intended goal." She continued to kiss him while her hands moved down his body, feeling his chest and stomach.

"OH.. and kissing me helps accelerate… your…" Sheldon could barely speak, distracted by Amy's hand that found his length pulsing and ready while her mouth found a sensitive spot on his neck. "OH yes, Sheldon, it will cut hours off the time."

"Oh.. okay, then.. proceed.. " He saw Amy's neck and wondered the same, "I wonder if the reverse is true." He pulled her up to him and pulled back her hair. He looked at her for permission to continue, but it was given long before he asked. He moved his mouth down to kiss her neck, toward her breasts and imbibe in her scent. The concoction of Amy's scent and taste intoxicated Sheldon; but he couldn't stop his thirst. Amy was his new drink and he intended to guzzle down every last drop.

Sheldon repeated his actions from Sunday on Amy's breasts, but this time, his timid touch was replaced by a hungry urgency. He was rougher, more bold and at one point used his teeth on her breast and neck. Amy was almost bucking under his touch. His roaming hands and mouth moving over her body was enough to accelerate the progress of her arousal within seconds of fruition. Amy stopped Sheldon's head and held it, "I would like to…"

He didn't wait for an answer; he had been ready for six days. Within seconds he was on top of her, filling her up again. Amy arched her head back and let out a gutter moan on the first contact. Sheldon hooked his arms around her back and held onto her shoulders. He dove into her mouth with a deep probing kiss as he plunged into her with a vigorous pace. His urgent tempo was fueled by Amy's hands on his buttocks, pulling him into her. She had to break his deep kiss to release the tension through her groans. Sheldon buried his face in her neck, ferociously kissing and biting her while he quicken the rhythm. He could hear the low moans echo in his ears and discovered they were his own. As he felt her orgasm constrict around him, he arched his head back and let his own pulsing pleasure of release wash over him. He buried his head in her neck again, and breathed out, "Oh.. Amy…" By the time he opened his eyes, coming off his high, he was blessed with Amy's smiling face and gleaming eyes. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Trial Beta complete, Dr. Cooper."

Sheldon smiled and fell on Amy in a thud, relaxing all his weight on her. She held him on her chest, lightly stroking his hair. Finally, he pulled off of her but only to lay next to her. Amy curled up next to his chest, not holding him, but allowing herself to completely feel his body again. He pulled her head on his chest and she sunk into him, "You probably want a shower, correct?"

Sheldon wrapped his arm around Amy, "Yes, but you have terrible habit of trying to leave after coitus, so I am reluctant to leave you."

"Then you should be quick about it, huh?"

Sheldon let out a deep sigh, "Okay. But no runnin' off. "

"Okay. I promise."

Sheldon got up, cleaned him off, and reached for his robe. He looked back to see Amy. She was lying on her side, her hand was on her rounded hip and her forearm was holding her body out of the sheet. Her shiny brown hair was hanging on one side of her face. Sheldon smiled, and filed the image under his favorite Amy poses he kept in his mind.

He rushed off to the shower and was back within two minutes. Amy was sitting up in bed, waiting for him.

She didn't give him a second before she demanded, "Now. You need to remove that robe."

Sheldon held on to his robe like a teddy bear, "But Amy!"

"No buts! I am not prancing around this apartment half naked for your amusement. And don't even get me started how you found the skimpiest robe of Penny's. Ergo: Strip Cooper! Now!"

"Fine! But you don't get any of my shirts!" Sheldon took off his robe and returned to the bed. The robe was too long for Amy, it hung past her hands by 2 inches and dragged on the floor. "See, Amy it's too long for you!" he couldn't help but smile at how adorable she was.

Amy put her hands on her hips, "Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper, welcome to Fun with Flags!" Amy stretched out her arms and flapped the robe like a flag in the wind. "Still confused when someone else is wearing your clothes?"

Sheldon pulled her over him by the tie and wrapped his arms around her. He scolded her flatly, "Ha ha Amy. But, I must admit you look good in this robe." He reached for the tie. Amy wrapped her arms around his neck as he said to her, "Leave it to me to be in love with a person who dresses like Myself."

Amy laughed, "Your Ego, Sheldon. Tsk Tsk." He was just about to pull her into a kiss, when he pulled back and caught himself. He was losing control. The experiment had made him soft; he was flooded with all sorts of hippy dippy feelings. He wanted to pull Amy into him, rip off the robe and have their third session and then a forth, a fifth, hell a thousand sessions. But Sheldon Cooper doesn't give into these types of feelings. He had to gain back his composure. He stiffened up and pushed her away roughly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, said that..." He looked away from her hurt filled eyes. Amy just looked at him with an expression of shock, "Sheldon, did you _want_ to hold me?"

He couldn't admit it, "No I was just going to get my robe. That's all. **I would **_**never**_** want you like that**…"

As soon as he said it he regretted his words. He snapped back to see her quivering lip. Amy ripped off the robe and threw it to Sheldon. She started to dress while glaring at him with an icy cold stare. "Sheldon…Don't worry. You won't have to _ever_ to that again. **We are done**. The experiment was to judge our reaction to coitus. Given that we engaged in coitus five times including one manual stimulation, you have enough data to base your conclusions. I am ready to give my conclusions now."

"Amy, please we aren't ready to decide if we should engage in coitus."

Amy stood up and straighten out her clothes and her hair pin, "Oh no, Dr. Cooper, I am ready to decide if our relationship can stand up to the scrutiny of coitus. "

"Amy, the experiment was to test whether or not we should continue engaging in coitus, not if our relationship was successful. That was a forgone conclusion."

"No Sheldon," Amy placed her hand on the door, "We were testing whether or not our relationship is successful. Not telling each other our wants and desires is akin to lying. Holding back our feelings? That is not the definition of successful, Sheldon. We do not have a successful relationship."

"Amy! We weren't testing our relationship; we were testing whether or not we should include coitus as part of our relationship."

"No, Sheldon. Whether or not we should continue coitus is an auxiliary conclusion. Coitus was the variable. "

Sheldon stood up naked and vulnerable, "Amy please.. Listen.."

"No Sheldon. You can't be honest with me… I believe we have reached an impasse."

He growled at her in pain, "Don't you say it."

Her response was icy, robotic, emotionless, "I move we terminate the relationship immediately."

"NO! AMY!"

"All those in favor?" Suddenly Sheldon was standing in the living room all his friends held up their hands one by one; First Leonard, then Penny, then Howard, Bernadette and Raj. Finally, the Gorn on the Sofa raised his green arm in agreement. Their disapproving stares were boring a hole into him as he stood naked before them. Penny added coldly, "It's about time she got a clue and left you."

"Motion carried. Good day, Dr. Cooper." Amy walked toward the apartment door and opened it. Sheldon ran over to her, reached behind and pushed the door shut with a loud BANG.

"NO Amy. I won't let you. NO! I won't lose you!" He grabbed her and held her, but her arms didn't wrap around him, she was lifeless, like an empty cloth. He looked down, and all he had was his robe in his hands. He closed his eyes and felt tears drip down on his hands.

He blinked his eyes open to find himself in the shower; he had never left it after their beta session. He quickly dried himself off and headed to the bedroom to find Amy sitting up in bed with a sheet wrapped around her chest. He drew in a staggered breath and bit his quivering lip.

Amy was unaware of his distress, "Sheldon, I really need a robe."

* * *

**A/N: This chapter as been edited, slightly.**

**Did I mention Sexy Angst? I got you! **

**One more Chapter folks. Will they continue or not? Dun Dun Dun...**


	13. Chapter 13:Fraidy Cat

**A/N: There are three ending to this story. One is filled to the brim with Angst. One is fluffy fluff fest and one is a mix. Anyone who has seen the movie Clue will know this reference. **

**This could be the ending...**

* * *

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Fraidy Cat**

"Sheldon, I really need a robe."

Sheldon pulled off his robe and rushed to the bed, jumping in with thud and quickly pulling up the sheets. He grabbed Amy and pulled her to his chest. Amy wrapped her arms around his shaking body and held him closely. Her face was painted with worry. "Sheldon, are you cold?" His body felt warm, but he was shivering. He held her head against his chest so she couldn't look at his face. Amy felt a tear land on her arm. Instead of pressing him on the cause, she just held him tighter. Eventually, she felt his heavy breath on her hair. She looked up and he was asleep. Amy had no idea what exactly triggered his emotional response since he had only left the room less than 5 minutes ago.

Guilt was flooding over Amy. Her boyfriend cried. She didn't know exactly why, but she knew he was in complete turmoil over this experiment. She wanted intimacy but, not at this cost. Her deceit during the discussion over the relationship survey and the suggested experiment haunted her and left a bad taste in her mouth. She used his idiocracies, his quirks, his fears against him. Good girlfriends don't do that, Amy thought. She needed to end this now, before it got too out of hand.

Sheldon woke up an hour later and found that Amy was gone. His chest felt as empty as the space next to him. He reached out and touched the cold sheet that once was her spot. His mouth was dry and he took a deep swallow before he curled up on his side and grabbed the pillow, hugging it for strength. Suddenly he was jarred from his stupor. Amy returned to the room wearing his robe. Her hair was up in a bun and she smelled like fresh soap. She reached for her clothes before she saw that Sheldon was awake. He sat up and looked at her. Amy said nothing, just looked at him with a worried expression. He reached out his hand to her and she took it timidly. He pulled her into his arms and held her while she stood before him. Amy ran her hands over his head and then pulled his head up to face her. "Sheldon, are you alright?"

He took a deep breath and dove his head back in her chest, "Just a bad dream, that's all." He felt the robe for the tie and undid while he held Amy close. He looked up at her, and said softly, "I'm sorry, but I just can't see you in this robe, not today." His blue eyes were locked on her as he pulled the robe off her shoulders. Amy drew in an uneven breath as he ran his hand softly across her bare stomach. "Much better." He pressed his stubble face against her chest that was cradling his head; she ran her hands gentle down his hair and held him close. "I'm sorry Sheldon, I'm so sorry."

Sheldon looked up at her, "What? What about?"

Amy drew back and started to get dressed, "I never should have agreed to this. This is too much for us. This decision is tearing you apart." She looked at him with worried filled eyes, "Sheldon, it's time to choose. Do you want this or not. If you do, just say the word. If not, please let's end this. "

He came up behind her and placed his hands on her hips. Amy stiffened at the contact but leaned back slightly into his chest. "Amy, I just can't decide yet. I just can't."

"Sheldon.." Amy turned around and had a soften tone, "You should know if you want this by now. We had a whole weekend." He wanted to silence her, shut up her verbal dissection of his desires. He placed a finger on her mouth outlining her bottom lip. He moved it off her mouth, and ran it over her soft face while her green eyes looked to his for meaning. By the time his one finger had reached her ear, his hand opened to hold her jaw. His other hand pulled back a strand of hair, and he kept it there, holding her face. "Amy, I just… I need…"

"What Sheldon, what do you need?"

"I just need more data, Amy." He pulled her mouth into his and pressed his timid lips against hers. She wanted to pull away from him, make him say it. But at that moment, she couldn't fight him. She played along with his self inflicted ruse of denial for the moment. One last time, she thought. Just one more kiss.

Sheldon's hands moved down her back and he pulled by the small of her back into him closer. Amy's hands reached around his body and held his shoulder blades. His kiss was tame at first, but her hands were driving him close to him. Sheldon moved his head and opened his lips, darting his tongue across her bottom lip. She let out a moan, and lightly scratched his back. Hearing her moan, Sheldon pulled back and looked at her. He wanted her, he wanted to hear that moan again that echoed in his ears and rattled his chest. He didn't know how to ask without the experiment.

"Amy… Would you be willing to expand the timeframe our experiment?"

"No."

Sheldon jumped back in surprise, "No? Why?"

"Because Sheldon, I told you. You have had enough time to think about what you want. In fact, you are ignoring it. You want this, Sheldon. Or you wouldn't have had me come over early for another session of our experiment. You just won't admit it and the indecision is not good for you. " Amy did one of the hardest things she ever had to do, she walked away from his touch. She looked back at him with saddened eyes, "Sheldon. The experiment is over. It is time to decide."Amy stiffened up and drew in sharp breath, "I think we have concluded our experiment."

"No Amy, we haven't. We still have another session."

"No Sheldon. No more extensions or session, no more excuses. Your triplicate rule is ridiculous and you and I know it. This is a psychological experiment, not a biological study."

"If you knew that, why did you agree…"

"BECAUSE I WANTED TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" Amy held the sides of her head to stop the sound echoing back to her. She never liked raising her voice, she should be able to conduct an argument without it, but now her emotions were running roughshod over her mind. "I'm sorry. I really am, but I would have done anything, it was selfish. I loved it, and I wanted it again. You did too! Just admit it!"

Sheldon shook his head and said quietly, "No… It was just part of the experiment… I have to believe that!"

"Why? What's wrong with wanting this?"

"Because Amy, we shouldn't need it! We are above this common biological urge. Our minds are better than this." He was trying to convince her as well as himself.

"Well, I'm smart, and I like it." Amy put her hair pin back, "In fact, I am more intelligent that others because I can handle both my brilliant intellect and my biological urges."

Sheldon felt insulted by her tone, "Well, it sounds like you're saying I'm not intelligent."

"You're intelligent to handle this, you're just too afraid to try." She turned away from him, not wanting to see his face. She didn't want to think less of him, but she did. He should be better than this.

"I am not ready for that Amy."

"Not ready for coitus as part of the relationship or not ready to tell me that you really want it?"

"Is there a difference?"

Amy shook her head, "Of course there is, Sheldon! The first step is admitting you want it. Then we could figure out how to include it. You are hiding from this. You need to figure out what you want, and tell me. I will wait for you, but I think you are lying to yourself and me."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes. He didn't like being put on the spot or being called a liar, "FINE! Then I do not want coitus as part of the relationship." He crossed his arms, defiantly. There, he thought. He made a decision. If she wanted a decision so bad, he would give it to her. He didn't want her to win. It was still a game to him.

Amy didn't waste a second to answer him because she had expected it the whole week, "Okay. I believe you. I remember you saying, "_When I have a feeling I know it"…_Remember that?"

Sheldon jumped back, "Of course I remember… it was in the movie theater. I said, Trains and hammer-head sharks, love them. Hand holding, not a fan." Sheldon rolled his eyes and glared at Amy. He didn't like his memory used against him.

"I trust that you are telling me the truth. You do not want coitus as part of our relationship." Amy bit her lip and continued with her head down and a low voice." Then I want all forms of physical contact written out of the agreement." She walked toward the living room. Not wanting to hear her own voice say what she just said. She wanted to get away from the words.

Sheldon shot up in alarm and followed her, "Why? Even kissing? Why?"

"What's the use of it? Why do it?"

"It feels nice, I don't know, I'm used to it. "

"Coitus felt nice as well but we don't need it, Sheldon. Remember?"

He hated his words used against him. He shot her a seething stare, "You are blackmailing me into coitus."

Amy's eyes narrowed to slits, "No, Sheldon I am not. Do you think the experiment was a failure?"

"Well, it's not done yet, so I don't know, do I?" Sheldon snarled his reply out to her with venom.

"It's done. We have engaged in coitus with the required efficacy. Is it a failure or not? Yes or no?"

"Based off your reactions right now, I would have to say it was a failure."

"Then, all forms of intimacy are forfeit. Your words, Sheldon. " She crossed her arms defiantly, " I am not upset that you don't want coitus. I am disappointed, sure but I expected it. Frankly, I don't think you are ready for it anyway."

Sheldon snorted at her, but said nothing.

Amy continued, "I think you are lying to me about wanting it. THAT is what I am upset about at this moment. The lie, Sheldon, not the coitus. You need to understand that. I was willing to go back to our original slow progress toward intimacy or even continue without it. But from what you say, you don't want coitus and probably you never did. I took your survey, Sheldon."

His slack jawed response didn't surprise her. She knew he was hiding something. Sheldon yelled out, "You did? I told you not to!"

She smiled in victory at him but it was bitter taste, "Why? Why not take it Sheldon? There were no errors, other than the format of the questions."

"Because I wanted to rewrite it.."

"Why re-write it?" Another reason she knew he wanted it. But he had to see for himself, and he was blinded by his fear. "But you didn't. You didn't re-write it. I know why. You wrote that survey with a built in conclusion: No to Coitus. Do you think I am so stupid I can't see through a Five point scale, Sheldon?"

"NO! I knew you would, ergo the re-write, Amy!"

"NO! You wanted to re-write because you wanted to scale it the other way. To INCLUDE coitus. But you didn't. You never sent it. That tells me more than anything, you don't want this. Funny thing is Sheldon, I was there, with you.. In the bedroom. I saw your eyes. You liked it, you were good at it. I mean really good at it, Sheldon!"

Sheldon couldn't help but smile slightly at her compliment, but then she continued speaking without compliments, reminding him they were arguing. "But you are ignoring it, and denying it. I have to go with your words. The only reason you are not agreeing to include it because you are afraid. That is not the problem. The problem is, you don't trust me enough to say even _**that**_ to me."

"But you're willing to take out the physical side of our relationship that we have to this point. You don't think that will hurt me?"

"No, I don't because of what you have said, Sheldon. Remember, the ONLY reason you agreed to do this was because it would take physical contact out of the relationship agreement. I quote, "_I__t's one of the appeals of this endeavor and the main reason that I am willing to try this experiment.__ "_

Sheldon snorted, "I thought I was one with the eidetic memory!"

Amy took a deep mournful breath, "There are certain things you don't forget Sheldon. You don't need coitus and I can't kiss you now and not remember it. I am sorry, but we need to revert to a relationship of the mind. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go."

"Amy don't leave.. Please.." He looked quickly to the sofa, but there was no Gorn, not a dark fantasy; the real Amy was leaving him this time.

"Sheldon we have concluded our business. I am done talking about this. We tried coitus. Now we need to determine if our relationship can withstand post coitus and see if it is the same. I have not made that determination. "

Sheldon jumped back in fright, "Are you breaking up with me?"

Amy let out an exasperated sigh, "No, Sheldon." He took a deep breath, but then held it in as she continued, " But if you can't be honest with me, if you feel that it is easier to lie to me than to discuss your fears and desires, then really Sheldon, what do we have? " Amy grabbed her purse and walked to the door, "I will send you the observational reports tonight. I think we can save our relationship, Sheldon. But the next week will tell. We were supposed to be testing whether or not our relationship can withstand the scrutiny of coitus. Right now, my initial conclusion is no." Amy left the apartment and rushed down the stairs.

Amy's drive back to Glendale was swift and loud and was reminiscing of her trip ten days ago the first time she had intercourse. She again cranked up her much needed Neil Diamond's song, 'Love on the Rocks' loud enough the speakers crackled and reverberated in her ear drums. Her lip quivered when she heard Neil Diamond sing, "Just pour me a drink and I will tell you some lies…" Amy to cried hard enough that she had to pull over. She turned off the radio and sat in the dark, listening to the hushed whizzing sounds of the cars going by on the freeway. She was angry; furious he would deny his feelings, but he needed time. Seven days should be enough, but she had to face the dark reality that dating Sheldon Cooper meant never having sex again. Amy thought she could live with that, but not him lying to her. When she returned home she sent the reports, and drew a bath. Once the water was gone, and Amy curled up in bed, she snuggled her pillow. The scent was fading, soon it would be gone.

Sheldon sat on his spot and held his throat. It was in pain from holding back a cry. His lips were almost bloodied from his nervous chewing and his hands were white from holding onto his pants with a powerful grip. His stupor was jarred when he received the notice of Amy's email. He looked over Amy's observational reports. Amy observed that coitus had a negative effect on Sheldon. He seemed to vacillate between contentment and agitation. Preliminary Conclusion: Coitus was not a welcome aspect of their relationship. Relationship Status: Currently Unsuccessful.

Sheldon focused on the words "Unsuccessful" He held back a hitch in his breath. The pain in the back of his throat from holding in the cry was getting worse. He bit his lip and continued reading.

"Solution: In order to return the relationship to the successful status, all forms of physical contact will be removed. "

This is what he wanted; he designed the survey so this would be the determination. Good, he thought. Now that business is over and done. He could return to expanding his mind, not feeding some primitive biological need. He didn't need coitus, he didn't need physical contact. That was for the likes of Wolowitz and other lesser beings. Most of the human race grunted around like monkeys, letting their hormones override their heads. He didn't need it.

It was laundry night, had to get his clothes ready. He went to his bedroom and sorted his clothes. He ripped the sheets off the bed, and shoved them roughly in his basket. Then he pulled the pillow cases off and held them in his hand. They felt empty, hollow, and cold. He shoved them in the basket. Within two hours he was done with the task. He pulled the pillow cases out of the dryer and smelled them. They smelled like his fabric softener; clean linen smell. He finally let the cry out he had been holding in since she left, but it didn't help the pain in his throat. He cried in the pillow case till it was wet again with his tears of regret.

Over the next seven days, Amy and Sheldon texted the obligatory salutations, and they saw each other during the group dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. They hardly looked at each other. Amy was becoming more robotic, like her former personality before she was with Sheldon. When he wasn't looking, she would look at him, thinking back to their afternoon together. Her mind would wander and a smile would come across her face. Something would rattle her from the nostalgic recollection, and she would straighten up, become rigid. Sheldon hardly said a word, but would hope that Amy wouldn't look at him so he could sneak a glance at her.

On Friday night, Sheldon texted Amy requesting she finish her report and also if she was willing to discuss the observational reports in person. Amy agreed to meet him at the apartment, but she regretted it as soon as she confirmed. It was hard enough seeing him at dinners without being alone with him. However, Amy determined she had to finish this business and put it behind them. She loved him, no matter the outcome, she needed him in her life. He made her feel complete, and not so alone in the world. She had to find a new thing to look forward to concerning Sheldon. Before, it was affection or the hopeful possibility of love. Now, she needed to find a new reason.

Amy knocked on the door to 4A on time. Sheldon answered the door with a slight smile and let her in the door. "Good afternoon Amy. May I offer you a beverage?"

"Please.

"What would you like?"

"Oh, I don't know, whatever you are having." _Once again,_ Amy thought, mirroring his wants with her own. She needed to get back to what she wanted. Unfortunately, it was out of reach, yet again.

Sheldon smiled, and proceeded to the kitchen. Amy sat on the couch and pulled out her observational reports, trying to keep her eyes off Sheldon. She spoke to him with her head down, "I have finished the observational reports Sheldon, as you requested. I included the findings from this week. Do you have yours, I could read them now." It was not good news. Amy observed their relationship was worse than before coitus. It didn't look good.

Sheldon spoke from the kitchen, " I have not finished them, Amy."

"That's very out of character for you Sheldon. You always get things done on time. A highly appealing quality to your personality, I might add."

'Well thank you, but I wanted to give you a verbal observation." He handed her a cup of tea and sat next to her on the couch.

Amy nose was filled with sweet citrus tones. She looked down and saw the pale yellow liquid swirling in her cup. "Is this Lemon Zest tea?"

"Yes, it is. That is what I am having. I have determined that I like it. In fact, I love it. When I was out of it, I missed it. I tried to stay away from it, deny it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I truly wanted this particular tea. It's perfect tea, Amy. As Twinings says, "Every sip will brighten up your day with a little sunshine."

Amy smiled, finally looking at Sheldon in his eyes again, "Well, I am glad you fixed your tea dilemma, Sheldon. I was getting worried you would never decide."

"I have a difficult time with making choices, Amy. I don't have to remind you how hard it was for me to choose a game system."

"OH god, please don't remind me! However, at the time you were struggling with a lot of decisions like changing fields. I'm glad that you and Wolowitz fixed your TV inputs so you could have both."

"Yes, a fact I was reminded of last night during game night. I do have both. I don't have to choose between one thing or another. Like my intellect or my baser urges. I could have both, if I want."

Amy's eyes grew wider as she drew in a breath, "Yes, you could. If you wanted to. You're in charge of your hind brain, not the other way around."

Sheldon smiled, "Well, I would like to tell you my observational report, if that is alright?" He moved closer to her.

Amy turned toward him, facing him on the couch. Their knees were almost touching, "I would love to know your conclusions."

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Initially, I wanted to get this idea of coitus out of our relationship. I never wanted to be like Wolotwitz, obsessing about sex like a junkie."

"Sheldon, if you were anything like Wolotwitz, I wouldn't have agreed to that tepid water, let alone be sitting here on this couch."

Sheldon smiled, "Well thank you for that. However, as much as I hate to admit it, and I really hate to admit it, I have been curious for a while." Amy just smiled at his admission. It was a huge step for Sheldon to confess anything regarding coitus. Sheldon grinned back and continued, "However, after we did the deed the first time, I found I didn't miss it."

"Oh really." Amy rolled her eyes. _Oh brother_, she thought, _more back tracking_.

"No, I found that I missed you. I wanted you, not the coitus. The more we had coitus, the more I wanted you.." He began to be nervous at his admission, he quickly added, " The coitus was a bonus."

Amy put her hand up to her mouth in surprise. His statement was most feelings he had ever admitted to her. Amy wanted to hold his hand, but pulled back her hand. Sheldon grabbed it and held it while he spoke again, "I don't want to need anything, Amy, but more to the point I don't want to lie to myself anymore. I have been doing that too much as of late."

Amy looked down feeling the weight of guilt on her shoulders, "I feel I have been lying too, Sheldon, about what I really wanted. I never should have suggested this…"

Sheldon lifted her head and smiled softly at her, "Amy… I can count at least 4 times you tried to talk me out of this experiment. Every time, I shot you down. That must mean something. I just needed to admit it. Ergo, I have discovered two things. I need you, and I think I want coitus. Both of these observations scare me, Amy. Losing you scares me more."

Amy smiled feeling a weight lift off her, "Sheldon, you won't lose me. No matter what you decide. I am not going to leave you if you don't want coitus. It is as you say, a big bonus, but I can live coitus en absentia. I can't leave you. I need you too. I've missed you this week, the fun we have. I miss our talks and our games. I love that about us Sheldon. You're my best friend. I want our relationship back to how it was. I don't want this stress on you."

"When it was just the science experiment, it wasn't a stress, the decision to continue it was. The act itself almost seemed…"

"Easy…" Amy smiled at him. It was easy. She was amazed how he was able to engage in coitus. Part of her expected him to freak out and run away in the night. The fact he didn't was another indication he liked it.

"Yes, funny that. It was like kissing. After we kissed on the train, and we included it the relationship agreement, you may have noticed I wasn't hesitant. It had become part of us, and we had the relationship agreement to guide me. I enjoy it. I miss it when it gone. I feel that way about being with you. I miss you next to me, Amy. I liked waking up feeling you there. And I hate to admit it, and don't you DARE tell Wolowitz…."

Amy crossed her heart, "I won't!"

"But… I enjoy coitus too. " He let out a huge breath, feeling a large weight off lift off his chest. He still was apprehensive, biting his lip while he said, "However, the idea of having coitus without the parameters of the experiment is unnerving."

Amy could feel his hand tense up and his palm was sweaty. She added sweetly, "Well, I assumed if we included other forms of intimacy, it would be included in the agreement as well. " Amy knew Sheldon needed the agreement. She could see he was still nervous about his admission and she had a solution, "Well, then come up with a new experiment!" Then Amy remembered in horror, "Just no plastic sheets this time!"

Sheldon popped his head up and the twinkle in his blue eyes came back, "What would the question and hypothesis be?"

Amy took a scholarly tone and sat up straight, "Question: Can two extremely intelligent scientists successfully integrate regular coitus as part their already superior relationship."

Sheldon smiled, and added, "Hypothesis: Yes, the aforementioned couple can successful integrate coitus in their superior relationship. " Sheldon thought about it out loud, "Hmm. We still haven't reached all the phases. Additionally, there are environmental factors, timing variables. Interesting…." Sheldon's mind was cataloging all the different variables he could consider.

Amy smirked at him, "Woah, variables? Environmental factors? That is some saucy talk, there Dr. Cooper!" She winked at him to cut the tension, "You still need to explain to me what are phases four and five."

Sheldon smiled at her, "Oh Amy, you are a master at phase four. For phase five, we might have to look at that 12.5% of the Indian sex book Koothapali loves so much."

Amy almost did a double take, "Wow, now that is some saucy talk!"

Sheldon just smiled and got up to refill her tea, "Hey Amy, feel like a another cup of Lemon Zest any time soon?"

Amy got up, "Only if you also put in Red Zinger."

Sheldon stopped and whispered under his breath, "Vixen!"

* * *

**A/N: I hope this is not too confusing. There are two more chapters but they are different endings of the same story... I couldn't decide which one I liked, so I will leave it up to you guys.**

**I have to say thank you so much for all your support. Putting a story out there is hard. You never how people will react. Will they like it? Hate it? Do you even read it. All your reviews have helped me. It's the only way I know what you guys think. I love the response and it fueled me to get the story out. I hope you like the endings. Choose your favorite. I know I have mine. **


	14. Chapter 14: Easy as herding Cats

**A/N: This is the second ending... It could have ended this way...**

**Schrödinger's Coitus: Easy as herding Cats**

"Sheldon, I really need a robe."

He ran over to the bed and jumped in with a swift and shocking gesture. Amy bounced up from the motion. "Sheldon! What are you… oof!" He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a bone crushing bear hug. He had to hold her again and squeeze away that image of her leaving out of his mind. Amy ran her hand down his head as he nuzzled in her breast. She was sitting up in the bed holding him, allowing him to use her body as a pillow. "Amy…"

"Yes Sheldon…"

"Are you tired?"

"Not in the least, Sheldon. Some women don't get the rush of hormones that men do. You are being flooded right now with serotonin and oxycotin, additionally, prolactin is released after orgasm. But some people don't have the same reactions. The pre-frontal cortex is a fickle bitch."

"So, you aren't sleepy. I'm not sleepy… Hmmm…" Sheldon had a fake concern trickle in his voice, "How will we ever complete the required conditions of your limited arousal."

Amy rolled her eyes, "Yeah, right, pal… _Limited_…"Amy knew Sheldon's mind was hatching a new scheme to continue coitus, somehow. So far, he had been devilishly clever with his plans. He announced his plan with a little too much enthusiasm, "You should spend the night again. We can continue the experiment tomorrow morning when you wake up, seeing how you get aroused after sleep, that is. And because we aren't tired now."

Amy didn't feel like pointing out they just had coitus without the nap. Instead, she thought for a second, and then answered, "Sheldon, I don't have anything here. And, as I stated, I need a robe… "

"But you have…"

"A real robe, Sheldon! Not some flimsy frock which is just an excuse to ogle my appealing legs.."

"I would never!"

Amy snickered and held out one of her legs, "Too bad, I thought I had nice legs." Amy started to get up, but Sheldon pulled her back down. "But Sheldon, I need to go home."

"I'm not sure I trust you won't run off. I better go with you. You're proven a flight risk. Oooh. And we can pick up pizza!" Sheldon released her suddenly and popped out of bed, happy with his new plan. Amy was just elated to have plan for a shower and a real robe.

The drive over to Amy's was a quick endeavor, including an early stop off for pizza. Once at Amy's apartment, they ate quickly, Sheldon was ravenous and anxious to get back to Los Robles. Amy's excused herself to take a quick shower while Sheldon waited. He wanted to hurry the process along, so he found her bag, and started picking out her clothes.

He called to her while she was in the shower, "Amy… I'm going to get your stuff ready...Where do you keep your clothes without all those annoy buttons?" Amy stopped cold in the shower upon hearing his declaration; she was mortified. In one of her drawers, she hid her precious Gerard and a screen shot of Sheldon's half naked drunk freak out at the Chancellors Award ceremony she found on Youtube. She jumped out of the shower, threw on a towel and burst into the bedroom.

"NO Sheldon! I will do it. It's fine.." She quickly went over to her drawer and closed it. She turned around to see Sheldon standing with his mouth open and holding her robe looking at her with a strange gaze. She could see him eye her up and down and take a huge swallow. Amy was wearing a very small towel wrapped around her dripping body. She had washed off all her makeup, and her hair was up in a messy bun. Beads of water were glistening on her exposed pale shoulders and neck. The towel barely covered the top of her legs.

"Amy… you look so…" Sheldon took a step forward, and licked his lips, "Clean…"

Amy smirked at him, "Well, showers have that affect on me, Sheldon. Strange…" Sheldon wasn't listening to her. He stepped closer and noticed water dripping down her neck to the top of the towel that was doing a lousy job of covering her breasts. Sheldon reached out and grabbed the edge of the towel and pushed it up to catch the water. "You're still so wet…" Sheldon couldn't hide his arousal at Amy's appearance, and he didn't try. He pulled at her towel and loosen it. With the towel in hand, Sheldon started drying off Amy's naked body.

As he moved the towel over her body, he whispered to her, "I have to agree about your legs, Amy." She was shivering from his touch. He had almost finished the job when he noticed a stray droplet of water her exposed neck. He bent down and kissed it. After that, he was in a fog. His hands started roaming over her body, kissing and licking her newly washed skin. His clothes were quickly dispatched and soon he was as naked as she. How he could possibly have gotten off his clothes while his kiss on Amy's lips remained unbroken was a mystery. He had to check to see it was real or not. He pulled back and looked at her green sparkling eyes. She was real; no empty robe, no Gorn, just Amy. His clean, naked, breathless Amy. He pulled her back into a deep kiss and they fell on the bed. It was then he remembered: Amy had a water bed…

"Woah, Amy.. This is … Different…I'm going to get sea sick!" Sheldon wasn't sure if he liked the feeling of floating, but he didn't have much time to consider. Amy had started kissing him on that little spot on his neck that almost made him purr. She spoke to him through her kissing and nibbles, "Well, Sheldon I am used to it. I'll save you from drowning."

Sheldon was not used to it, at all. He was trying to imagine how he was going to perform on such an unstable surface. His physics back ground wasn't helping him, since his subject matter was moving her hand up and down on his hard pulsing distraction. "Oh… Lord Amy… I Don't … know about …. Oh… Don't stop that… " Sheldon was beginning to get used to the motion.

While he enjoyed Amy's mastery of phase four, his hands were moving down Amy's body, feeling her breasts, toward her soft stomach. Quickly, Sheldon realized he was ready for phase four as well. He moved his hand between her legs and Amy let out a gasp; she was not expecting him to touch her. Amy moaned in his mouth as she continued to kiss him and touch him. His movements were soon very distracting, and Amy flipped on her back, unable to control her vocalizations as Sheldon discovered a certain spot that made her lip quiver. The new texture and feeling was fascinating to him, but what was even more intriguing was Amy's reaction. "I guess phase four is a success."

"Yesss…" Amy couldn't speak and she didn't want to. As his movements found a steady pulsing rhythm, Amy's moans became louder, her back arched and bucked. She stiffened up and let out a loud 'Hoo' sound and stopped his hand, breathed out, "I think…" He barely had a chance to apply the condom (that he had been hiding in his pocket) before she flipped him on his back and straddled him. She slowly lowered herself on him as she pulled her hair out of her messy bun. Sheldon had to catch his breath from the view of his hour glass figured girlfriend on top of him, arching herself back as she rocked her hips against him. Her hair was as wild as her movements, using the motions of the water bed to bring energy and force to her thrusts. Sheldon held on to her hips for dear life as she dug her fingers in chest. Within minutes, he felt that now familiar constriction from her. But he didn't want the feeling to end. He concentrated and ignored his own arousal. He knew this was the last session and his indecision fueled his need to for longevity.

Amy's back arched and he held on to her ribs as she moaned out in climax. When her head popped back with a wide smile, Sheldon gave her a fiendish grin and swiftly flipped her on her back. Sheldon was relentless; wave after pulsing wave he would be close to climax, then pull back and go slow. He would vacillate between soft kisses and deep yearning thrusts. Amy was getting exhausted, but not wanting the sweet onslaught to end. Finally, the combination of the motion of his hips, the feeling of Amy constrict for the third time in one evening, and her whimpering groan of his name in his ear was too much for him. A pulsing wave crashed over him, drowning him in a tsunami of pleasure. He beached his head on Amy's heaving chest, grasping for air.

After a few minutes, Amy found her voice again, but it was hoarse from her orgasmic screams. "Sheldon, my god… what.. A… way… to end an… experiment… Lordy…"

Sheldon smiled for a moment, but he just pulled her into his chest. Upon hearing the words, "End an experiment," he felt pangs of regret. He had to think how to extend the experiment without admitting he wanted coitus. He couldn't admit that, he thought. If he did, he would lose a piece of himself and be no better than the hordes of hormone driven hoi polloi.

Sheldon looked at her with a self-satisfied smirk, "Oh drats…"

Amy knew something was afoot. She answered back suspiciously, "What drats?

In a smug sing songy tone, Sheldon delivered his latest flimsy excuse, "Amy we should have thought about this…"

Amy placed her hands on her hips and lowered her voice, "Alright Mr. That's it. There is no way in hell you are going to convince me that that was not the third try. "

"I'm sorry Amy. The conditions weren't the same. We need to back in my bedroom for the third experiment…" As an afterthought he added half heartedly, "Sorry…"

"Sheldon…" Amy tried to speak in a calm voice but her agitation was seeping through like tea in hot water. "That was the tertiary attempt. That's it!"

"The conditions need to be the same…"

"Malarkey."

"AMY! My Word woman! Such language!"

"It's true Sheldon, that's complete malarkey! Either this was the third session, and we are done and it is decision time… OR.."

Sheldon ears perked up, " Or…."

"Or what we just did was just mind blowing sex, and not for the experiment. In which case the experiment is done and you have made your decision."

"But.."

"No buts Sheldon! This is it. You need to decide. But if you ask me, you already have."

"Amy, how could you possible know what is in my head."

Amy's eyes were peering at Sheldon, "Because Sheldon, I've had to figure it out for years. As well-read and articulate you are, your actions mean more than your words ever could, especially when it comes to me."

Sheldon cocked his head in genuine interest, "What do you mean, Amy?"

Amy sat on the bed next to Sheldon and drew a deep breath, "Sheldon I've had to read between the lines with you for a long time now. For example, the relationship agreement? It showed your commitment to me, your affection, even though initially, there was no physical contact was written in, it showed me you wanted me. That's why I called it romantic. You committed yourself to me."

"See! I told Leonard that a relationship based on a contract was romantic! He didn't listen! Heartless jerk…"

Amy smiled, and continued, "Additionally, when I told you I wasn't proud of you during your scientific opprobrium concerning the element?"

"Thanks for bring that up." The greatest scientific achievement of his life was based on a blunder. He was mortified, and no one understood why, except Amy.

"Well, you said it was it was the most romantic thing you ever heard. Anyone else hearing that wouldn't have understood, but I did. It meant that I knew you well enough to understand that your error didn't show your true genius. Not the way it should."

Sheldon smiled, "Yeah, you were the only one who got that."

"When you didn't call me to say goodbye before your train trip, it was because you didn't want me to see you at your most vulnerable. When you didn't call me to get you… in Arizona…"

Sheldon looked away, "Yeah.."

Amy reached up and pulled his face back to her gently, "It meant you respected me and you cared what I thought. You want me to admire you. You want me to be proud of you. When you insisted that we take that relationship quiz, it was to prove you were a good boyfriend again. The argument with Leoanrd over who had the best relationship was as much for my edification as his."

"But Amy! We do have the strongest relationship!"

"I know, but you still needed to prove it. Also, when you put in the relationship agreement that we would have kissing, it meant you wanted it."

"What about the zombie clause?"

"No, that's just stupid, it doesn't mean anything."

"Oh.."

"And Sheldon, I hate to tell you this, but when you created the coitus experiment."

"Hold up, little lady…YOU SUGGESTED IT!"

"Yes, but you crafted the document. You could have just said, no way. You didn't. You were curious and have been for while. And I'm sorry to tell you this, but all your extensions and redo's and additional parameters. …"

Sheldon took a deep sigh knowing what she was going to say next, but not wanting to hear it, "What does it mean…"

"I think it means not only did you like it, but you want to continue it."

Sheldon said nothing. He licked his lips, took a deep swallow and looked at Amy for answers. She could have not forced the issue, ran with his self denial and had as many "necessary" session as he could weasel he way into, but she would have done it for selfish reasons. He needed to say it. Once and for all.

"I've read deciphered your feelings concerning this relationship for a very long time. I've had to, Sheldon, because you refuse to tell me anything concerning your feelings about me."

"We shouldn't need all those hippy feelings, Amy! We are above that."

"We are. I hope I know you well enough to know how you really feel about me, but I have doubts. Why do you think I need Romance so much?"

"Cause you're a girl who's dripping with estrogen based funny juice that makes you loopy?""

"No, Mr. Misogynist! IT's because I never really know what you think of me. I can guess, I can decipher the clues you leave, the trail of bread crumbs of affection, but in the end, I don't know if I am right. I never really know what you think of me, if you ever…" Amy stopped short. She couldn't ask him about love, not yet. "Anyway… I don't really know. And when it comes to something as important as coitus, I am not going to decide for you. You have to decide Sheldon and finally admit what you want."

Amy got up and started put away her bag. Sheldon watched her but he was frozen. He had to decide what he wanted, but right now, all he knew at that moment was that he desperately wanted Amy to come back to 4A. He stood up and took the bag from her hand, "Amy… all my life.. I have been uncomfortable with physical contact. But I've been working on it. I never thought I would be able to kiss a person. But we did, and now it's something I look forward to after our dates."

"You do?" Amy was elated. Sometimes she had to remind him about kissing her, but he always had a smile on his face when he did it. She had to guess he liked it. It was nice to hear it instead hanging on the assumption.

"Yes. I do. The experiment helped me realize that I can be…" He reached out his hand and ran it down her arm, "Close to a person without discomfort." He took a deep breath and continued, "I don't know if I am willing to admit I want coitus as part of our relationship, but I do know this. " He put both hands on her face, " I like being close to you. I like being with you. And I know you like sleeping with me."

"How do you know that?"

"Because Amy…" He pointed to her bed, "That's my pillow case."

Amy winced, "Yeah.. that…Sorry…"

Sheldon snorted out a chuckle, "That's okay, I owe you some shampoo."

"YOU'RE THE SHAMPOO THIEF!"

"Yes.. Sorry to say. I will purchase you a new supply."

"It's a special formula, I add something to it I cooked up in the lab to make it smell nice. I made it myself."

He snapped his fingers, "Of course, that is why I couldn't replicate it." Wanting to shift focus from his larceny, he pointed again at the pillow case, "However, I do need that back. It's laundry night."

Amy went over and pulled the pillow case off, "You're right. I shouldn't have taken it… Here you go." She reluctantly handed it to him, like she was letting go of a lover for the last time. "I guess I still have a hard time admitting what I want as well. I wanted your smell, Sheldon. I slept better when I had it surround me."

Sheldon smiled and admitted, "Me too, Amy."

Amy finally let go of the pillow case with a huge sigh, "But here you go…"

Sheldon took the case in his hand and held the limp fabric like he did his empty robe. He thought back to heart wrenching fantasy, the feeling he had when she left flooded back; the emptiness. He never wanted to feel that again, "Proposal…"

Amy looked at him eagerly, "Yes…"

"We include one day a month with a nap together."

"Counter proposal…" Amy walked closer to him, " I can cuddle with you when we sleep. Or better…"

"Yes..?" Sheldon smiled at her, knowing what she might say. "The allotted nap time might include coitus."

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Too vague. It will include coitus." He smiled, "Okay?"

Amy squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sheldon hugged her back, but said, "All Right… All Right… Quit ruining laundry night and just pack your bag, let's go."

Amy released him, "What? You still want me to come over?"

"Of course, Amy! We have to finish the experiment!"

"But Sheldon! We just decided that we would include coitus as part of our relationship!"

"Yes Amy! I know that! But we have to finish the experiment! I can't leave things undone, Good lord woman, I thought you knew me better than that! Read between the lines, indeed." He picked up her bag and tossed it her, " Now chop chop! I need to start laundry!" He walked toward the door, "Oh, and I packed your toothbrush. Strange place for it Amy. "

After Amy repacked her bag, and threw out Gerard, the couple headed back to Los Robles. Sheldon took her bag to his room and started sorting laundry. Amy readied the kettle for a much needed brew. Sheldon came back into the kitchen just in time for the kettle to be done. He walked over to the tea box and thumbed through the selections, "You know Amy… I have this box of tea for a while and I never really paid attention to it. I just assumed it would be there, no matter what. And I never really appreciated Lemon Zest before until you fixed it."

Amy smirked at him, "Oh really?"

"Yes. It was sitting in this box, ignored. Under-appreciated. But now, I find I really like it. In fact, I miss it when I don't have it. I can honestly say, Amy, I love Lemon Zest tea. I think I have for while. I really and truly love this tea."

Amy smiled at him, "Well, Lemon Zest Tea loves you back." She brought down the cups, "So I take it you want Lemon Zest?"

"Nah… Chamomile, and fix a cup for yourself. I need you good and sleepy."


	15. Chapter 15: What's New Pussy Cat

**A/N: Last chapter folks. I hope you enjoyed the ride. This chapter has angst and sweetness. **

**This is what really happened:**

* * *

**Schrödinger's Coitus: What's New Pussy Cat**

* * *

"Sheldon, I really need a robe."

Sheldon didn't answer her request. Instead, he went over to her, leaped into bed, pulled Amy on his chest and held her like a lost child. When he closed his eyes, he saw the image of her leaving. He had to wipe that image from his memory, but his mind wouldn't let it go. The more he thought of it, the closer he wanted Amy to him. The smell of her hair and feel of her body surrounding him helped his recovery.

Amy wrapped her arms and legs around him, and nuzzled in his chest. She remembered the first time they cuddled on her couch when she craved human contact so long ago, before they were boy/girlfriend. She hoped, just maybe that was what Sheldon was craving at this moment, after getting flooded with enticing cocktail of brain chemicals and hormones. She was quickly working on a growing addiction. "_I could get used to this._" Is what she wanted to say, but knew better than to draw attention to his obvious need for physical contact.

Amy couldn't get over the feeling she had at that moment: laying there on his chest, hearing his breathing, feeling his warmth; it was better than any drug. Amy knew how to handle addiction; her studies with primates taught her well: You have to cut it off cold. Amy knew this was a difficult situation for Sheldon and she had to end this soon, before it pulled them apart. Clearly, Sheldon was not ready to admit he wanted coitus. Just as she was she was about to get up, dress and leave, Sheldon pulled her into his chest more and wrapped his arms around her tightly. He had a smile on his face as he slept. Amy thought, just maybe a minute more. _Just one more. _She fell asleep on his chest, breathing in his scent like the sweet perfume from her new favorite pillow.

Sheldon woke up about an hour later. Amy was lying on her side, pressed up against him. Her wavy tousled hair cascaded down her back and fell in pool on the pillow. He turned to spoon her and slowly traced his hand down her hour glass figure. More than coitus, he loved this feeling of her body next to him_. I could get used to this_, he thought. Although coitus was in itself an appealing endeavor, Sheldon admitted, he just didn't want it to rule his life. He spent the week thinking about it, fantasying different scenarios; it was distracting him, enticing him. His baser urges were running roughshod over his mind. He needed to get his mind back, but at the moment, Amy pressing her body next to his was a bigger priority. After the third session, he would reconsider_. Just once more._ After all, Sheldon Cooper always finishes what he starts.

He shifted his weight on his side and sat up slightly. The movement jarred Amy from her slumber. She turned around and nuzzled into Sheldon's chest. He spoke to her in low husky voice, "Amy, did you have any dreams?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact I did." She looked up at him, and smiled. "None of which I can tell you and still keep my reputation as a proper lady."

Sheldon's eyes popped opened wide with curiosity, "Oh! Well. Was.. um…who was… what did you.. "

"To answer your questions in order: Yes they were arousing, No it's wasn't Leonard, and Yes, you were in them. All I can say is you look good in ass-less Chaps, and let's leave it at that." Amy reached out for his chest, "Oh and I really am good with a riding crop." She looked up at his flabbergasted expression and giggled, "I'm teasing Sheldon." She flipped on her back and looked at him giggling.

"My god, woman, you need to stay away from that Red Zinger tea!" Sheldon pushed back that stubborn hair off her face, "Now I know now why you always wear that hair pin." He let his hand run down her face. Her green eyes were almost glowing at him. She was looking at his mouth while her hand moved up to his neck. He watched her lick her lips, and thought: _Just once more_…

He pulled her into a tender kiss, letting his lips run across hers. Leonard was right after all, he thought, coitus did need kissing. He couldn't imagine it without it now. All the questions about parameters were gone and he almost forgot it was a science experiment. Sheldon acted on instinct. He wanted the feeling of her soft skin next to his. He needed that distinct smell of her hair and pheromones to fill his senses. He wanted the overwhelming feeling of bliss as he felt her orgasm. He wanted the feeling of release when he had his own. He wanted all of it just one more time.

He kissed her, slowly, forcefully, like each kiss was word and he had a book's worth to tell her. Amy tasted his salty sweet neck, feeling his soft skin under her tongue. His pale taut skin glided over her body like a silken cloth. Each kiss was like a last good-bye that they didn't want to verbalize. Sheldon kissed a trail down her neck, to her chest. He didn't forget his research; he knew where she was the most sensitive and how to get her make that appealing moan he loved so much. It seemed like hours that the two covered each other with tender caresses. Sheldon moved back up to her face and wrapped his arms around her head. He wanted the feeling like that Sunday afternoon; the first time he realize how much he wanted to kiss her.

As he slowly entered her, he relished every thrust, every sensation. He was painstakingly slow, enjoying every kiss as he glided back and forth. It felt like a slow assent up a mountain of pleasure. Once he couldn't climb anymore, he increased his pace, and fell off the cliff, crashing down in a quivering throbbing tumble with Amy following. The two lovers once again couldn't let each other go. Even after climax, Sheldon didn't stop kissing Amy. He eventually had to find his breath again but he didn't want to use it. Tertiary session complete; experiment over. Time to get back to reality.

Sheldon and Amy didn't speak, they just separated. After Sheldon, Amy excused herself to the shower and dress. Amy hoped to speak to Penny for advice, maybe even Bernadette as well. She needed a shoulder, sympathetic ear and large glass of wine. Sheldon could use advice as well, and he wondered if he should speak to Leonard.

After an outing with Raj, Leonard came home to 4B to find Penny was not there. He thought she might be across the hall, so he went to his former apartment and glanced in kitchen to find Penny humming away with her nose in the fridge. She was wearing her pink robe and her hair was up in towel. Leonard wondered what she was doing in her robe in 4A, but figured she was stealing milk again. Leonard crept around the island and came up behind her, grabbing her by the waist and pulling her into him, "Don't you look particularly delicious." The woman in the pink robe let out a scream and the towel fell off her head. It was then Leonard realized it was not Penny, but Amy in the robe. He jumped back in alarm. Amy held up the towel to shield her body from Leonard's roaming eyes, "LEONARD! What are you doing?"

"I'm Sorry! I thought you were Penny!"

"How could you think I was Penny?! " Amy's face was red with embarrassment, but she had little twinge of pride being mistaken for the blond goddess she so often admired.

Sheldon came rushing out of the bedroom to see the ruckus, "Amy! What happened?" Amy was in the corner of the kitchen holding up the towel. She looked at Sheldon, "I TOLD YOU I NEEDED A ROBE!" And she stormed off down the hall to the bedroom.

Sheldon looked over to Leonard who still had a look of horror on his face as he watched Amy's ass storm off down the hall. Leonard shook his head from the image. Sheldon was fuming; he stormed over to Leonard and pointed at his face, "NOT FOR YOU!" Sheldon ran back in the hall to catch Amy.

Just then, Penny opened the door of the apartment, "Hey, you're back! You guys got some milk?"

Leonard rushed over to Penny, grabbed her hand and pulled her to 4B. "Leonard, what's wrong."

"Let's just say, I don't want any more karate chops to my neck and leave it at that."

Amy was in rush to get dressed and cover her embarrassment. She was mortified that Leonard had seen her in that skimpy robe. Sheldon walked in the bedroom and creaked open the door slowly, with his head downtrodden. "I apologize for Leonard, Amy. I should have given you my robe. I will …" He stopped short. This was the last session, so the need for robes was over. No more excuses for her to spend the night. He took a deep breath and turned to give her privacy.

Amy was half dressed before he got in the room. "It's alright Sheldon. Luckily, we don't have any more sessions so, I won't have to worry." Amy tapped his shoulder. He turned around to see a dressed, smiling Amy Farrah Fowler. "Are you hungry? Its laundry night, do you want to order a pizza?"

"Oh that sounds great! If you want, you can get your clothes, pick up the pizza and we can do it together!" Sheldon was just about to strip and get dressed when he looked at Amy and closed his robe. She smiled at his modesty, "Sure Sheldon, that's great. Maybe we could play a game of Go or counter factuals afterwards."

"Oh goody, I need to redeem myself. You really picked up on GO, you're almost a master, Amy." Sheldon moved to his dresser, and Amy turned her back and spoke to him, "Well, I had a great teacher. I'll see you in a little bit." Amy left the apartment with her head swimming in muddied thoughts and flooded with emotions. First she was elated that Sheldon seemed so calm and happy. Then she worried what that meant: he was happy it was over, she thought. That was what she concluded, happy it was over. Next she was disappointed over the finality of it. Finally as she was returning up the stairs she was hopeful again that their relationship could return to normal. Sheldon's smiling face at the door helped her navigate the maelstrom.

She needed to prove their relationship could be the same after coitus. During the evening, Amy and Sheldon returned to their jovial former selves and Sheldon proved to Amy that he truly was the most fun person she knew. He seemed more relaxed, as did Amy. She was comfortable with him, almost tranquil. Previously, her interactions with him were marred by doubt, and she was always waiting for some sign of affection or tenderness. Amy wanted coitus to prove that Sheldon loved her. She wanted the validation. She could read between the lines easily; he did love her, in his own way, but regular coitus was probably too much for him. The all important question of if or when he wanted to include coitus was unimportant at the time; she told herself she didn't need it.

At the end of the fun filled evening, Sheldon walked Amy to the door. He gave her a look again that told he wanted a kiss goodnight. It wasn't date night, but it seemed appropriate. Amy let him determine the kiss this time. He walked up to her and held her hips like he always did during their allotting kisses. He smiled and pressed his lips against hers lightly at first. She felt his hand move up to her waist and pull her closer as his lips parted and he moved his head to the side. He allowed himself a few brief moments of uninhibited passion before he pulled back and smiled at Amy. "Good Night Amy."

'Good Night Sheldon. I will send you my evaluation soon. I still need that survey though, okay?"

Sheldon took a deep breath, "Okay… I'm glad this experiment is over Amy. Now we can finally reach our conclusions" He smiled as she quickly walked out the door. He didn't notice her face change as he said his final remarks. His calm demeanor was the result of his decision. He immediately went to his lap top and rewrote the survey, this time it was crafted so that the only answer to question: Should they include coitus as part of their relationship was Yes.

Sheldon was hopeful during the course of the week. Amy and he had scheduled a meeting next Saturday to discuss the experiment and their conclusions. He was anxious to hear her report, but he thought he knew what she would say. Saturday came and once again he heard that familiar knock at his door.

"Good Evening Amy, please come in." Sheldon held the door for her. She had brought the fixings for a home cooked dinner with her and went to the kitchen to prepare it. "I hope you like the dinner, the spaghetti sauce you like was out, so I had to get a different brand. This one has cheese added."

"Well, it's still spaghetti and hot dogs. Sometime, just because you add something to the mix, doesn't change the core. Just enhances it. Don't you agree, Amy ?"

"I'll remember you saying that the next time I have lemon with red zinger tea, Sheldon."

"Well, let's not get to crazy now, Amy. We're not savages!" Sheldon sat at the counter and watched her cook. Again he marveled at her fluid movements and efficient methods. He tried not to ogle her appealing legs which wore no annoying stockings. He also tried desperately to ignore her appealing posterior when she bent down.

During dinner, Sheldon watched Amy sip up spaghetti with her full lips, toss her shiny clean hair off her tempting neck and twirl her fork in a seductive manner. He assumed she was teasing him terribly, when in reality, she was acting the same as she always did. After dinner, it was time to discuss the experiment. Amy retrieved her paperwork and handed it to Sheldon who took it eagerly. Soon, however, his expression soured. The answer to the question, should they include coitus was: No. Sheldon was shocked and almost shouted out, "Amy! Did you fill out the old survey?"

"No Sheldon, I did not. This is the new one you sent."

He thought to himself, "_Well, how can your answer be no?"_

Amy was oblivious to the implication of his question, "Although I must say, using a five point scale is a rookie move. I just assumed it was your lack of familiarity with the social sciences that allowed you to use such an unreliable survey method. " Amy sipped her tea, confused by his response. She thought he didn't want coitus. She was giving him what he wanted and ignored her own desires in order to keep him happy and in her life. He should be thrilled. "What does yours say?" She knew he enjoyed coitus, but to include it in the relationship seemed unheard of from him.

Sheldon grew pale. He didn't want to show Amy his survey now knowing she didn't want to include coitus. He would seem like a sex starved maniac. "Oh, I'm sorry Amy. I haven't finished mine. Give me a moment. "Sheldon rushed to his computer and quickly filled out the old survey and printed it, "Here you are. See the same results."

Amy unenthusiastic response was lost on Sheldon. She looked down at the page that she wanted to crumple in her hand. She had been psyching herself up all week for the denial, but it still stung. She knew he wasn't ready and she tailored her responses to match his, ignoring her wants and desires. What Amy wanted was to continue with coitus, but she wanted Sheldon more. "Well, it is as you expected. So how do we proceed? " Her voice was low, dripping with regret. Her slumped shoulders showed she was resigned to her future.

Sheldon missed the clues, he was lost in confusion and had no idea how to proceed. He had planned on a lively discussion of including coitus, and including in the relationship agreement. He even worked out a schedule and new parameters. "Uhh, let me just clean up here, I hate a mess, Amy!" He quickly hid the relationship agreement under a stack of papers and kicked the box containing the robe he bought for her under his desk before she saw it. "Oh, I guess we should discuss how we will measure the success of our relationship status post coitus."

Amy took a deep swallow. She had been telling herself all week she didn't need coitus, didn't need physical contact, all she needed was Sheldon. Now that it was being taken away, she hoped the pangs of regret would be washed down with her cup of tea. The lemon flavor made it worse. She put down the cup and walked to the fridge to get water instead. She spoke as she walked; Sheldon watched her every move. "I was more concerned with how we would proceed with physical contact. I am assuming you are going to write it all out of the relationship agreement?" Amy hoped the metal door of the fridge door could reverberate her voice, hiding her quivering tone.

Sheldon jumped up, he hadn't considered that. Since he had decided he wanted to include coitus, he didn't consider having physical contact taken away. Given the initial requirements of the conclusion, it was expected. It was the last thing he wanted to give up. "Oh yes…" He tried to sound nonchalant, but his voice was high with agitation, "I um…. I thought the experiment specified we would halt progress toward intimacy, not give up what we already had."

Amy stood up from the refrigerator with a delighted grin, "So, we still have our date night kiss? And hand holding? And the consoling hug sections?" Amy was thrilled, she thought for sure he would take it all away.

Sheldon straightened up seeing her smile, "Ah, yes! You know how I hate change, Amy. I am used to those things. " He was emphatic with the next statement, "So, nothing changes what so ever, physical or otherwise."

Amy smiled, "I'm feeling the urge to hug you…" She counted and took quick breaths, "Okay.. It passed…" She was elated at the moment; but remembered quickly the restrictions. Sheldon offered a lackluster grin coupled with slumped shoulders weighed heavily with disappointment. Amy tried to lighten her mood, "Well, Dr. Cooper, I guess we proved we can be above our baser urges, after all."

"Yes.. It seems so doesn't it?" Sheldon wasn't convinced.

Amy added with a mirthful tone, " And we still dominate on the who has the best relationship contest." She smiled but it was forced.

Sheldon forced a smile as well, "Yes, it as I said all along, ours is the superior relationship." They walked back to the couch and sat at least a foot apart from each other. Amy let out a chuckle.

"What is it Amy?"

"We will always have Not have Paris…" She let out a short laugh, followed by a deep swallow.

Sheldon cocked his head, "I thought we were going to Italy instead, Amy?"

Amy laughed, "Hey pal, you want to take me to Italy, I am all over that. But I am here to tell you, spaghetti with little hot dogs probably not happening over there." Amy attempt at humor was falling short on Sheldon, but she was used to her jokes failing. She thought he was tired, "Well, I guess I should go." She stood up and grabbed her purse, wrapped the strap around her head and held onto it for strength. "Good bye, Sheldon." She walked to the door. Sheldon popped off the couch and walked to the door, but she was already gone before he reached it.

The following few weeks before their next date night were torture for Sheldon and Amy wasn't fairing much better. However, they saw each other often due to Sheldon's cunning and not so subtle attempts to squeeze every ounce of physical affection from the relationship agreement he could. He had Cal-Tech call her at least four times to physical ailments. He "accidentally" hit his fingers at least three times during the week, insisting she had to come over and tend to his life threatening wounds.

"Sheldon, I still don't see how closing a dry erase marker cap on your finger constitutes an emergency. But, let me see." Sheldon would just hold out his finger and relish her touch as she examined his minor injury. If he wasn't sick or suffering from a debilitating video game related injury, Sheldon would try and find some excuse to see or have her come over. He needed help to catalog his comic books or transcribe his notes from his courageous expeditions to the new train store in Eagle Rock. His eyes never left her, and he would almost whimper when she do the slightest innocuous thing, craving her touch. He came up with at least four reasons to have a consoling hug including the fact that the TV show 'Almost Human' was canceled by Fox and his favorite show was moved from Thursdays to Mondays due to football. Leonard tried to point out that Sheldon knew that bit of information months ago, but Sheldon shot him a disquieting death stare. For every hug she gave him, he would hold her close and breathe in her scent.

Amy was battling her urges as well. Everything Sheldon brought up, it seemed like a veiled reference to sex. One day he asked her to help him catalog his comic books again.

"Sheldon, I don't want to spend a day looking through your adolescent male fantasies. I've got real work to do. It is just all sex in those things."

"Amy, what are you talking about, comic books don't have sex in them. Some graphic novels do, but comics are…"

Amy snapped at him, "I know what they are, Sheldon. Let's just drop the subject."

Sheldon had to censor all his discussions with her so as not to reference any perceived hint of coitus or he would get his head bit off with a swift chomp by a frustrated Amy Farrah Fowler. His already chaste conversations topics were put under strict scrutiny.

Sheldon's friends were no help either:

"Wait, let me see if I get this straight… You have sex for two weekends in a row. From what I heard, it was 'mind blowing'!" Sheldon smirked, but continued to listen to Leonard, "Then in the most boneheaded move I heard of from you, you two decide that's it, no more sex ever? But you're not broken up and you are still in love with her?"

Sheldon shot up, "I never said i was in love with Amy!"

"OH please! There is just so much denial I can stomach during one lunch… tell me again why you aren't having sex? You ripped off the band-aid, why not continue?"

"Because, we have a relationship of the mind…" Sheldon's voice showed he was clearly unconvinced.

"I wouldn't **mind** having sex all the time, does that count?" Raj smiled at Sheldon, but he was unamused.

"No Raj, it doesn't. Amy and I don't need coitus." He was twitching, his voice almost shook in his throat.

"Sheldon, don't be so dense! No one needs sex. They WANT sex!

Sheldon was sick of explaining his actions to people who couldn't possibly comprehend their intellect, "Amy and I don't allow our Hind brain rule our lives, we are above it."

"Oh shove it, Mr. Homo Novus. It's not a manner of your hind brain being in control, it's a manner of you controlling your hind brain. You can't control it, so you ignore it. Plain and simple." Howard was getting tired of Sheldon self denial.

Leonard knew how to talk to Sheldon, " I think the problem is like Amok time. You have a taste of Pon Farr, and now you're ignoring it. Well, I'm here to tell you buddy, I'm not going to fight you to the death!"

Raj piped in, "Yeah, get Penny to do it! She'll kick his ass. "

"Penny's too busy knocking sense into Amy." Sheldon popped his head up at Leonard's comment, "What you do mean? Is Amy okay? She seems fine…"

"That's because you are clueless, Sheldon. Amy is nervous wreck. She is hiding her emotions from you just like you are from her. Superior relationship indeed!" Leonard had heard from Penny all the details about Amy's actions, including Penny convincing Amy that Victoria Secret would not give her money back on worn undergarments that Amy was convinced she would never need again.

Sheldon thought back to the last few weeks. Their relationship was strained and Amy was different. The telling indications that their relationship was in trouble was Sheldon's own actions. He lied to her, hid his feelings and desires. Maybe they didn't have a superior relationship after all. Sheldon's only solace for the rest of the day was tonight was finally date night. After three long weeks, he could kiss her again. He was the only thing that kept his mood up for the day.

That night, Amy arrived on time for the date. Sheldon insisted they go to an Italian Restaurant. It was a lovely meal, but Amy did seem distracted. She thought the bread sticks looked too phallic and she refused his offer of a brownie dessert. She had a hard time keeping eye contact with Sheldon and talked most of the evening with her head toward her hands. Sheldon wanted nothing more than to see her eyes. She refused to see the movie, even though How to train your Dragon II had no sex scenes, Amy thought the Black Dragon had lecherous eyes. Sheldon had a solution.

"Let's go back to the apartment and play a game."

Amy slumped, "Sure, anything but Go."

"Why not GO, you are clearly becoming a master at it…" Amy cut off his compliment, "God, everything is just sex with you!"

Sheldon swallowed hard, "Or Jenga… We can play Jenga.."

Amy took a deep breath and answered in a defeatist tone, "I'm sorry, Sheldon. I shouldn't have snapped. Jenga would be great."

Once at the apartment, Sheldon offered Amy a hot beverage. She looked like she needed it. "Just tepid water please."

"You don't want tea?"

"No, I don't really drink tea anymore. Just tepid water please."

"Well, if you don't want it, then I won't have tea either."

"Well, drink what you want, Sheldon. I don't want to influence you."

"Drinking tea alone is just no fun, Amy."

Sheldon handed Amy the water, but her hands seemed shaky, "Amy, are you nervous? I don't think it would be very fair to play Jenga with you in your current condition."

"Honestly Sheldon, I am nervous. I don't know why.." She was a terrible liar.

"Would you like a consoling hug?"

Amy smiled, "Sure, it couldn't hurt." Sheldon sat next to her on the couch and held his arms out. Amy timidly reached for Sheldon and wrapped her arms around him like rubber band on a glass. Her head was nuzzled in his chest and he could smell her hair again. His supply of her stolen shampoo was almost out and he missed her scent. Amy tried to pull away slightly, but Sheldon held her closer, pulling her back on the couch. Amy moved her nose closer to his chest, feeling the iron on symbol of melting Rubix cube melt into her face like she was melting into him. She was drowning in his comforting scent of talc and pheromones. She felt herself starting to drift away, back to those weekends she relived so many times this week with Gerard. She had to regain control. Amy pulled away and sat up, "Um… I better go Sheldon, I had a lovely evening." Amy almost ran to the door, holding her purse in her hand. Sheldon jumped up and reached for her hand, grabbing the strap, pulling her back. He stopped her just at the apartment door. Her hand was the handle; she didn't turn around.

"Amy, its date night."

Amy took a deep breath, and turned around, looking in his enticing indigo eyes, "Yes, it is…" She overrun with a feeling of excited dread. "I almost forgot."

"I haven't. I could never forget." Sheldon moved closer to her and she tilted her head up. He skimmed her face with his finger to move that one errant strand of hair back. His hands moved down to her hips and held them while he pressed his lips against hers. His mind wandered while he fantasized about kissing her. He imagined that he moved his hands up the sides of her body to her face, holding her soft jaw as he deepened the kiss. He let his hands move back to her hair, feeling the strands weave around his fingers, pulling him in closer. His lips parted and he let his tongue run across her bottom lip and then dart in her mouth. He imagined she tasted like the dessert they had, with a hint of Lemon. His imaginary kiss deepened as his hands moved down the sides of her body to grasp her hands. In one swift motion, he threw her hands over her head and slammed her against the door, jarring her mouth open as he pressed his entire body against hard her. He imagined rubbing against her; feeling her body again. He released her hands only because they had a new target, her waist and breasts as he pulled her cardigan open. He could almost hear Amy moan in his ears again. He blinked his eyes open and expected to see Amy engaged in their chaste kiss. Instead he saw Amy's hands still above her head, her cardigan open and her lips full and face flush. It wasn't a fantasy. Sheldon jumped back in surprise, "Oh Amy… I … um…I…umm…" Sheldon didn't know what to say. He could barely contain his desire to rush back at her. Amy moved her hands down and straighten out her sweater.

"Wow, that was some date night kiss!" She bit her lip, expecting him to kick her out as soon as he realized his actions. Instead he took her hand, "Amy let's have tea." He pulled her back to the kitchen.

"Sheldon! I don't drink tea anymore." She wanted to get away, catch her breath, ignore her urges, but followed him anyway.

Sheldon didn't listen, "Amy… We are going to drink tea. We like tea, we had it before and it was great. There is no reason we can't have tea. Now sit." He looked at her with wide commanding eyes. As soon as she sat down, his tone softened, "Amy… I made a terrible error."

"I know Sheldon! I am sorry! I didn't mean to kiss you like that, it was just that…"

"No Amy, not that. Besides, I was the one kissing you. It's my fault and I think it is a symptom of my error. I am speaking of the survey, I gave you the wrong results from the experiment. I need to correct the error Amy. I can't have another blunder on my reputation as a scientist." Sheldon walked over to his desk, retrieved the original document and handed it to Amy. As she read it, the kettle was done, and he fixed her tea. Amy moved her hand to her mouth as she read the words, "_Should we included coitus as part of our relationship: Conclusion: YES."_

"Sheldon! Why didn't you show me this weeks ago!"

"I'm sorry, Amy. When I saw your results, and you said no… I just didn't want you to think less of me for wanting it." Sheldon confession was hard to swallow, but the first sip of Lemon Zest tea in 3 weeks helped. He continued to speak to a slack jawed Amy, "You didn't want to include it, so I hid what I wanted. But I do, Amy. I think we can successfully incorporate the activity in our relationship, oh and remind me to show the robe I got you…"

Amy was gob smacked from his admission, curious about the robe, but she had her own confessions, "Oh Sheldon, I wish I knew. I should admit that I skewed the conclusion of the survey as well. I wanted coitus, but I knew you didn't."

"You thought you knew what I wanted, you assumed. I did too. " Sheldon added, "I didn't even know what I wanted for most of the experiment. It wasn't until that last time that I had decided. That was why I was happy."

Amy laughed, " I thought you were happy because it was over!"

Sheldon shook his head, "Boy, howdy do we need to talk more." Amy nodded. Sheldon was curious, "How did you get around my survey?" Sheldon was little surprised she could have circumvented his clever survey.

"Please Sheldon… A five point scale? Really? Child's play." Amy rolled her eyes at Sheldon who was beaming with pride at his cleaver minx of a girlfriend. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied. Frankly, I was sure you didn't want it. I wanted you more than coitus."

"Communication. That is what we are best at, Amy. We just needed to talk." He handed her a cup of Lemon Zest tea and a smile.

"I don't always know what your reactions will be, so I censor my thoughts. But that needs to stop." Amy sat up straight and looked Sheldon in the eyes, "I promise to discuss my feelings with you before I make any assumptions."

Sheldon moved over to Amy, "Amy, we have the superior relationship because we can discuss anything. I have no idea if we include coitus as part of our relationship,it will be successful, but I am willing to try. I have no idea how to tell you some things I feel sometimes without it being masked in innuendos and subterfuge, but I want to work that out as well. I promise to work on this with you Amy, because I know you understand me, and we can support each other."

"I know Sheldon, we can figure this out, we are genius' after all, yes, Dr. Cooper?"

"Indubitably, Dr. Fowler." He ran his fingers over the sides of blue mug, watching the pale liquid swirl. He leaned closer to Amy and almost whispered, " I do know this…"

Amy looked at his smiling face, "What?

"I really love this tea, Amy."

"I know you do, I love it too…" Amy smiled and tapped her mug to Sheldon's. After the couple took a sip off the steaming brew, Sheldon added, "You know I'm not talking about Tea, right?"

"Yes, I know…"

A few weeks after their frank discussion and successful incorporation of frequent, intense and whimsically inventive coitus into their relationship, Sheldon and Amy were beaming with pride. They retook the relationship quiz that started it all. Results: 9.8

* * *

**A/N: Okay folks, that was the last one. I really appreciate your support on this story. I have had this idea for a while, and I really feel that Shamy is the strongest relationship. The only problem they have is Sheldon refusal to acknowledge his desires and Amy's placating it. This is what I think, but I would love to know what you think. Thanks again! And here's to a great Season 8!**


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